Work: Today, at work I got in an elevator to go upstairs. It wasn't... - FML

By CaBur - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at work I got in an elevator to go upstairs. It wasn't until the doors opened minutes later and people stepped in that I realized I had zoned out and forgot to press the button for the floor I needed. I then promptly exited the elevator and waited for the next elevator to go up in. FML

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This Charming Man

Serious times

Commando

By bastardddd - United States

Today, I was in class finishing up an assignment when the guy next to me, my crush, said "I really love your hair." I started to blush then I turned towards him and said thanks, at the same time as the girl he was actually talking to. FML

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By counterproductive - 21/9/2020 11:01 - United States

Intense

Today, after I'd finally decided to see a doctor about my anxiety and insomnia, I was so nervous about what the doctor would think of me that I had anxiety attacks that kept me from sleeping a wink all night. I ended up oversleeping and missing the appointment I was so nervous about. FML

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By skyllabeauty1234 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

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By full of losses - United States

Today, the day after my grandfather's funeral, my grandmother informed me I have 30 days to move out. I've been living with them for four years, helping take care of my sick grandfather. She's already changed the locks and won't unlock the door. FML

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By Aaron

Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2021 12:59 - United States - Steele

Are you there?

Today, I had an awful dream where my uncle died from a massive heart attack. When I woke up, my brain interpreted the dream as being a real thing that really happened. It wasn't until my uncle called and asked me why everyone thought he was dead that I finally came to my senses. FML

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By CutePenguin - Canada

Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

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By rattlingfloorboards - United States

Today, a Karate dojo opened under my apartment. It's like living in a Bruce Lee movie. FML

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By CC - Sweden

Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML

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By Franklin - United States - Fairbanks

Keeping it in the family!

Today, we got the results of our family's ancestry DNA tests. My father isn't related to me, but my grandfather is still my grandfather. Apparently grandma cheated on grandpa to get 'dad', and my mother cheated on 'dad' with my 'uncle' to get me. FML

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By Derp-A-Herp - United States

Today, my genius boyfriend was trying to remember a particular island in the Caribbean that was used by pirates in the past. I offered up Morocco. I heard him facepalm over the phone. FML

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By pops up - United States

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

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By caempa - Australia

Today, I was taking my earrings out and thought I had lost the back of one. Turns out my ear infection has caused the flesh of my ear to grow around and engulf the back of my earring and it is still stuck in there. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend of nearly two years broke up with me because he's sick of me being annoyed at him. Why am I annoyed at him? Because he wants to go and spend a week with his ex. FML

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By Username

Today, at the beach, I swam pretty far out into the ocean. I ended up getting pummelled by the waves and got a painful cramp in my leg. The whole beach watched me flail and scream, while my friends rolled their eyes as they dragged me out of the water. FML

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By Yellow an - United States

Today, all day, in a huge blizzard, I've been stuck with a very nice, but very ugly, toothless and rather large and somewhat smelly woman, who has been continuously saying, "It feels like we're dating. Doesn't it feel like we're dating?" Ugh. No, no it doesn't. And please don't kill me. FML

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By BarbieKen - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

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By nurseITHINKNOT - United States

Today, I finally started my job as an in-home caregiver. The man I was hired to care for died two hours after I made it to his house. FML

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By mario - United States - Corvallis

Today, my roommate ran out of filter tips so he cut up my chemistry note cards for his joints. FML

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By Emptyspace - United States

Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, because of the gas crisis in my state, we had to stop taking delivers at the pizza place I work at. Someone asked if we could walk it to them. My manager agreed. FML

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By drivingmecrazy - United States - Sacramento

Today, I called 911 to report a drunk driver. The operator yelled at me for following the guy and told me to get off the phone because I shouldn't be driving with a phone to my ear. FML

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By losercancer - 23/4/2021 23:30 - Georgia

You helped her see the light

Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML

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By prdept. - France

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy. It was going great until his 6-year-old brother walked in and screamed so loudly it brought both of his parents running. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I introduced my Chinese-born girlfriend to the rest of the family. My uncle immediately blurted out, "He's dating a communist." FML

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By Radayam - 15/6/2021 20:00

Late start

Today, I learned that the starting date for my class was a typo. Instead of 6/22, it was 6/2. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML

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By Anonymous

But he's only 5

Today, I was playing with my 5 year-old neighbor. I was changing and he saw me naked. Then he went home and his parents came over. Apparently, he told them that I have beautiful boobs. FML

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By notaguidette - United States

Today, I weighed myself. When I was fifteen, my mom yelled at me, saying that I was going to end up being 200 pounds by the time I was forty. Well, mom, you're wrong. At this rate I'll be 200 pounds by the time I'm twenty. FML

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By wasntme - Netherlands

Today, I finally passed a math exam. I go home super excited to tell my mom, yelling "Mom! Guess what!?!?!" She turns to me all happy and goes "You finally got a boyfriend!?!?!?" FML

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By anonymous - United States - Tehachapi

Today, I saw a man on my bike that was stolen a few years ago. I asked him if I could have my bike back just wondering what he'd say. He calmly replied, "Hell no, I stole this fair and square." FML

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By Nice Guy - United States - San Diego

Today, I noticed a rather small man being harassed by a rather large man, so I tried to help out and break it up. The small guy punched me in the face and said, "Mind your business!" The large guy laughed and fist-bumped him. FML

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By chap - 11/7/2020 02:01

Monetize your shit life

Today, I was in an Uber with a friend I hadn't seen in 7 years. I was just catching her up on my daily life when my Uber driver decided to chime into our conversation and kindly inform me that: "[I] should be a stand-up comedian." He literally thought my life was a joke. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

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By - United States

Today, after months of trying to convince my violent bipolar antisocial neighbors to crack a window when they smoke pot, I'm now living without any heat to avoid being blasted by pot smoke from the heat vents day and night. FML

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By I was just curious - 17/6/2021 17:01 - United States

Classic fantasy

Today, I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend that I once fooled around innocently with another girl. He’s now trying to force me to "explore my bisexuality". Not because he thinks it’s a healthy expression, but he thinks it’s "hot" and wants to set up threesomes. FML

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By Anonymous

Hard to bare

Today, I was showing my boss a picture on my phone. I didn’t expect her to take my phone from my hand and continue to flip through photos. I anxiously motioned for her to give my phone back, only to realize she had already swiped to my nude picture. FML

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By yeyt209 - United States - Bismarck

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

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Top comments

By JR_Goes_Rawr | 11

#5375680 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:23

Take the stairs next time? There are no buttons involved, and you get exercise. It's a win-win, unless you zone out again and forget to walk.

By j_cat187 | 19

#5375656 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:14

It's alright, I'm always.......... zoning out.

COMMENTS

By j_cat187 | 19

#5375656 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:14

It's alright, I'm always.......... zoning out.

Reply

Tdrizzzzzly | 19

#5375696 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:40

Yeah, I see what you would ......... Wait..huh?

Reply

zandalee | 19

#5375729 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 10:05

Christ. I just zoned out reading this FML.

Reply

andyyroxx | 20

#5375730 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 10:06

Wait... what?

By Authoress14 | 15

#5375670 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:20

It happens to the best of us. Not as bad as you think it was. Shake it off, OP.

Reply

BlakesHonestLie | 8

#5375718 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:53

Yeah I agree. Everyone has days where they're not all there so to speak. If it happens multiple times a day for weeks on end, then be worried.

Reply

23Z9TZO | 18

#5376034 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 16:19

Is nearly every fml user trying to be dr. phil now?

Reply

Authoress14 | 15

#5376216 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 19:07

what crawled up your ass #33

By JR_Goes_Rawr | 11

#5375680 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:23

Take the stairs next time? There are no buttons involved, and you get exercise. It's a win-win, unless you zone out again and forget to walk.

Reply

incendiaaa | 23

#5375722 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:59

i don't know, i'd get lost if i took the stairs and also get off on the wrong floor. so it's just as bad.

Reply

andyyroxx | 20

#5375731 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 10:07

Do you have labyrinth staircases, or?

Reply

jarrettd | 27

#5375887 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 12:40

Found my baby crying hard as babes could cry. What could i do??

Reply

EpicSquishii | 21

#5375998 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 15:26

My babys love had gone and left my baby blue.
Nobody knew
What kind of magic spell to use

By AllThatHit | 7

#5375681 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:24

This should be added on the list of 50 things to do in an elevator

Reply

ambitiousnygrl | 17

#5375816 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 11:36

Or not do, rather!

Reply

klutz44 | 28

#5376506 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 23:04

Yes, it should be #1, push the button.

By cr3ativity | 15

#5375683 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:25

Missed your cup of joe, eh OP?
It happens.
One time when I was in New York during college application/ interviews, I fell asleep on a public bus. I woke up at the end of the bus route and had to call a cab to get back to the hotel. :P

By KatieEvelyn | 6

#5375689 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:31

That's happened to me plenty of times. Just be glad that your boss didn't see that.

By Demonfish | 14

#5375691 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:35

That's the sort of thing I'd do... And frequently manage to do (not necessarily in an elevator).

By Tdrizzzzzly | 19

#5375700 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:41

Absent-mindedness happens to the best of us.

By JennaNGood | 21

#5375714 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:51

Wait... What? You've completely lost me.

Which, I gather, is the point.

By doritowhore | 9

#5375735 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 10:10

Everybody has little brain-fart moments, OP. It's a part of life. Don't sweat the small stuff.