Work: Today, at work I got in an elevator to go upstairs. It wasn't... - FML

By CaBur - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at work I got in an elevator to go upstairs. It wasn't until the doors opened minutes later and people stepped in that I realized I had zoned out and forgot to press the button for the floor I needed. I then promptly exited the elevator and waited for the next elevator to go up in. FML

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Walk on the wild side

The smell detective is on the case

They targeted gamers. GAMERS.

By harambae - United States - La Grange

Today, I accidentally mooed during sex. FML

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By wtf?! - 30/5/2020 05:00

Purple rain, purple rain

Today, out of boredom, I decided to dye my hair. I clumsily spilled some of the purple dye on my chest and shoulders. My insane mother is convinced the marks are hickeys I got from sneaking out and having sex with a boyfriend I don’t even have. She won’t listen, and I’m grounded for a month. FML

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By AFSDALK:AFSDQWE - United States - Hillsboro

Germaphobe

Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML

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By WellFineThen - United States - Cedar Falls

Today, at work, a woman screamed at me and called me a bitch because I refused to refund something we give away for free. FML

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By Dez - United States - Anchorage

Apparently not.

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend texted me asking, “We are in an open relationship, right?” FML

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By blackandblue - United States

Today, I was waiting for a friend to pick me up. It was after dark and I was nervous, so when he pulled up I immediately jumped in the car. The young girl in the driver's seat started freaking out, screaming and punching me in the face repeatedly. I'd accidentally gotten in the wrong car. FML

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By Brooke - United States - Manteca

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lebanon

Today, I was using my headset while gaming, and another player couldn't stop laughing at the hilariously high-pitched voice I was putting on. He thought I was mocking the pre-pubescent squeakers on our team. Nope, that's just my natural voice. FML

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By TeachAllTheMath

Today, a 5th grader tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, “Don’t ever watch Two Girls, One Cup. Trust me.” While I appreciate the advice, I am dreading the phone call home. FML

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By Kitty_Gem - United States

Today, my mother told me I should think about quitting school. She explained that the reason was because she didn't want me to be more successful than my older sisters. FML

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By SBT1030 - United States

Today, I was helping my sister by getting some old boxes down from her attic. Too bad I didn't realize the piece of plywood I was standing on doesn't extend all over the attic floor. Of course, I did realize it when I went through the ceiling onto the concrete floor of her garage. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

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By Danielle - Canada - Aldergrove

Today, it's day two of my family's camping trip. Despite the weather, bugs, and portapotties, we were doing okay, until the can opener broke. My husband is stubbornly insisting that we live off cereal and peanut butter for another five days. FML

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By BearGrillz - United States

Today, there were some wasps getting in my bedroom from a hole in the frame of my window. I went outside with some spray and took out their entrance. What I didnt know is that when you spray wasps, they go the other direction. I now have 60+ wasps flying around my bedroom. FML

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By no money anymore - United States

Today, I hosted a "Night Out Against Crime" party at our local park. Only three people came, they robbed our fundraiser booth. FML

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By someoneneedsassistance - United States - Woodford

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

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By yolonono - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was on a field trip with my son, my husband decided to get rid of our dog without asking anyone. Now I get to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, and he thinks he did nothing wrong. FML

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By CODgirl102 - United States - Palm Bay

Today, I decided to confront my friend who has been stealing from me for months. She denied it, while wearing a pair of my pants. FML

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By superb12345 - United States - Cascade

Today, my parents posted nasty comments about each other on Facebook. I think they might secretly be 12 year-olds. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a girl came up to me on a club dance floor and said, “Shut up and dance with me,” like the song lyrics, only I fell over on her while dancing, and she dislocated her ankle. I don’t think this woman is gonna be my destiny after that. FML

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By ughhhh - United States

Today, my roommate's boyfriend told me he would be driving the several hours EVERY weekend to come see his girlfriend. As a couple, they are constantly all over each other, and can't seem to break out of the annoying baby talk voice. Plus, they like to kick me out of the room to do stuff. FML

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By don't pray, PAY

Today, I attended a Buddhist prayer service for my religion and philosophy course. When the service was over, everyone stood up. Unfortunately, my legs and feet had fallen asleep so much that I lost balance and tackled a monk into the shrine. I'm expected to pay for injuries and damages. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to an auction for the first time. When the run-down house I wanted to bid for came up, I opened bidding at £12,000 and surprisingly won. Feeling pleased, I turned to the person next to me and said, "Lucky me!" She replied, "Yes, lucky you!" and then under her breath said, "Cockhead". FML

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By hatelife - United States

Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from my biological father, who I have never met in my life. As I was scrolling through his hobbies and interests, I saw "Drinking," "Black women with big asses," and "Getting laid, lol." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents and I were looking through old photos. My dad comments, "Wow you were chubby back then. But that's ok, it was baby fat." Then he turns to me and asks, "What's your excuse now?" FML

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By Stoopiddogbot - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

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By coughandcold - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

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By meggiemouse - United States

Today, marks the seventh day of having my nose pierced. I'd done everything I was supposed to do, even sleeping with a band-aid over it. This morning, I woke up to my piercing being ripped out by my pillow, and the band-aid nowhere in sight. FML

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By super maman - France - Montauban

Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML

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By PTKFML - United States

Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sioux City

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

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By Couch Potato - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I slept on the couch last night. She also seems to have forgotten that we had an argument last night, after which she stormed into our bedroom and locked me out. FML

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By Brook - Australia - Sydney

Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML

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By missy - Italy

Today, I was riding on a stationary exercise bike at home, when I went to get off, my shorts got stuck under the seat. I dangled half upside down until my shorts ripped and I fell on the ground face first breaking my front tooth. I broke my tooth riding a bike that doesn’t even move. FML

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By thatisnotcool45 - Canada

Today, I got to say, "My best friend hooked up with my step-sister's grandma's aunt" and be correct. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my fiancé is in the market for a new girlfriend. How? He used my credit card to sign up for 3 dating sites. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was scrolling through Instagram when I got a new follow suggestion. I checked her feed, and found out it was my ex-fiancé’s newest fiancée. And he'd proposed to her using an $185 ring I'd bought myself for my birthday last year. FML

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By Elise - United States

Today, my boyfriend figured out that he can bounce small things off of my boobs, and has been doing it every time I look away. FML

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Top comments

By JR_Goes_Rawr | 11

#5375680 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:23

Take the stairs next time? There are no buttons involved, and you get exercise. It's a win-win, unless you zone out again and forget to walk.

By j_cat187 | 19

#5375656 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:14

It's alright, I'm always.......... zoning out.

COMMENTS

By j_cat187 | 19

#5375656 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:14

It's alright, I'm always.......... zoning out.

Reply

Tdrizzzzzly | 19

#5375696 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:40

Yeah, I see what you would ......... Wait..huh?

Reply

zandalee | 19

#5375729 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 10:05

Christ. I just zoned out reading this FML.

Reply

andyyroxx | 20

#5375730 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 10:06

Wait... what?

By Authoress14 | 15

#5375670 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:20

It happens to the best of us. Not as bad as you think it was. Shake it off, OP.

Reply

BlakesHonestLie | 8

#5375718 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:53

Yeah I agree. Everyone has days where they're not all there so to speak. If it happens multiple times a day for weeks on end, then be worried.

Reply

23Z9TZO | 18

#5376034 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 16:19

Is nearly every fml user trying to be dr. phil now?

Reply

Authoress14 | 15

#5376216 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 19:07

what crawled up your ass #33

By JR_Goes_Rawr | 11

#5375680 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:23

Take the stairs next time? There are no buttons involved, and you get exercise. It's a win-win, unless you zone out again and forget to walk.

Reply

incendiaaa | 23

#5375722 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:59

i don't know, i'd get lost if i took the stairs and also get off on the wrong floor. so it's just as bad.

Reply

andyyroxx | 20

#5375731 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 10:07

Do you have labyrinth staircases, or?

Reply

jarrettd | 27

#5375887 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 12:40

Found my baby crying hard as babes could cry. What could i do??

Reply

EpicSquishii | 21

#5375998 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 15:26

My babys love had gone and left my baby blue.
Nobody knew
What kind of magic spell to use

By AllThatHit | 7

#5375681 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:24

This should be added on the list of 50 things to do in an elevator

Reply

ambitiousnygrl | 17

#5375816 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 11:36

Or not do, rather!

Reply

klutz44 | 28

#5376506 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 23:04

Yes, it should be #1, push the button.

By cr3ativity | 15

#5375683 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:25

Missed your cup of joe, eh OP?
It happens.
One time when I was in New York during college application/ interviews, I fell asleep on a public bus. I woke up at the end of the bus route and had to call a cab to get back to the hotel. :P

By KatieEvelyn | 6

#5375689 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:31

That's happened to me plenty of times. Just be glad that your boss didn't see that.

By Demonfish | 14

#5375691 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:35

That's the sort of thing I'd do... And frequently manage to do (not necessarily in an elevator).

By Tdrizzzzzly | 19

#5375700 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:41

Absent-mindedness happens to the best of us.

By JennaNGood | 21

#5375714 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 9:51

Wait... What? You've completely lost me.

Which, I gather, is the point.

By doritowhore | 9

#5375735 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 10:10

Everybody has little brain-fart moments, OP. It's a part of life. Don't sweat the small stuff.