Work: Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I... - FML

By cmck932012 - United States - Tyrone

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him everyday now. FML

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Messed up

BO Central

The smell detective is on the case

By Anon - United States

Today, I was called an assortment of names and was almost followed home by a crazy bitch. Why? Because I stated that it was unsanitary for her to bring her dog to a grocery store. She clearly disagreed. FML

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By markyvilla - United States

Today, I got dressed up for the first time in days to go have sushi with a friend. When I walked out to my car, I noticed that the passenger window was shattered and the car robbed. What's worse is I'd forgotten to lock the side doors anyway. FML

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By Anonymous

A good excuse

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who broke up with me because God said she couldn't have a boyfriend, started dating my friend... Who she always told me she didn't even like. FML

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By stressedoutsquaddie - United Kingdom - York

Today, while away on training with the army, my housemates rang me to tell me some news. They had found a perfect house for next year and they had put an offer on it. The only problem? There are 5 of us and the house is for 4. Guess who hasn't been included. FML

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By billy - 27/4/2021 08:01

Useful information of the day

Today, I learned that "unskilled labor" does not mean people who are bad at their jobs. I’m 22. FML

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By gassy - United States - Winter Garden

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Junction

Warrior

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when halfway through, he leaned over to grab his cup of hot coffee off the nightstand. He then attempted to drink it and spilled most of it on me. He never stopped thrusting the whole time, and wanted to continue after. FML

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By TJ - United States - Lacey

Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: +1. About an hour later I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: -200. FML

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By maalmawr - United States - Dearborn

Today, a friend asked me to help him get rid of a girl who would't stop texting him. It worked perfectly. Now she's texting me nonstop. FML

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By Pat - 22/9/2020 04:01 - United States - Buffalo

New relations

Today, I found out my newly-divorced father is now going to marry my girlfriend's mother. Tough situation here. FML

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By scumbag - United States

Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML

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By Anonymous

Dumb question

Today, “Who decided that?” was apparently not the correct thing to reply to a cop. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2020 02:03

Jaws 2: A Pig in the City

Today, after a childhood of battling bad teeth and cavities, I'm an overzealous brusher. I found out that I have cavities in all quadrants of my mouth from over-brushing, which will need multiple appointments to fill. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

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By me - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

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By keyless - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, late for work, I called my dad to see if he knew where my keys were. Turns out he'd taken them on holiday with him because they have a bottle opener on them. FML

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By LOLCATS - United Kingdom

Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2021 10:01 - United States - Schertz

It's a gas gas gas

Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML

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By notimpressed - United Kingdom

Today, a kid with severe Down's came into my workplace, as he does every day. He's has an obsession with me, sitting at a table, staring and taking photos of me all day. His parents have no problem with this, because they think it's a miracle that he can focus so much attention on me for so long. FML

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By Awkward - United States

Today, while driving on the highway, I got stuck in a traffic jam. Upon glancing over at the car in the next lane, I saw it was my ex as of a week ago. We sat in barely moving traffic right next to each other for half an hour. FML

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By Fmycar - United States

Today, my football team played in a game against our rival school that was just a few blocks away. We hadn't lost the game in exactly 49 years, we were playing for the 50th year win. We lost 63-0, and got booed off the field by our own crowd. FML

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By ringhider - France

Today, I was working my shift at the restaurant as a waiter when the girl I've been in love with for 4 years came in with her boyfriend. He asked me to hide the ring in their dessert. FML

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By anonymous - United States - North Hollywood

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. I got a hold of the girl he was cheating on me with. She was as oblivious as I was of each other's existence. Apparently, the fucker told her he lived with his "sister," who's "a bitch and makes his life impossible". He was referring to me. FML

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By stumpy

Today, we were running late because my hair got tangled in the curtains. My mother-in-law got so angry, she hacked at it, leaving me with a bald patch, then went and sat in the car as though we were still going anywhere with her. FML

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By montanadinosaur - United States - Tampa

Today, I was watching porn, and ended up bawling because the girl in the video looked like my ex. FML

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By Watchingmyfigure - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML

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By disgusting - United States

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

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By maced face - United States

Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said "excuse me". The lady then maced me through the open window. FML

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By st3phani3b - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I'm stuck at home waiting on a plumber to come fix the flooding in my basement. The flooding happens when any sink, shower, or toilet in the house is used. Today is also the day that I started my period. Without water. FML

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By nolips - Norway

Today, my girlfriend woke up very early in terrible pain. I drove her to the hospital and fell asleep in the waiting area. When I woke up, my car was gone and it was 9am. She had assumed I just walked home (32 miles), so she took the car. I was the only one in the waiting area. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML

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By mammasboy - United States - Springfield

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

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By DebitDebacle

Today, after my bank sent me a new card because the old one had been compromised, I woke up to find that it's already been used to start an Amazon Prime account and order several movies. The card to replace a compromised card has been compromised. FML

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By argh - United States

Today, after going to the doctor to have him look at a rash on my man bits, I asked him how to get rid of the redness. He shrugged and said: "Don't worry, nobody will see it other than you and me." He's right. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my family and I went Christmas tree shopping. My husband and I were walking around when I saw the perfect tree. Excited, we immediately bought it. When we got home and set it up, I realized it came with a present: termites. FML

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By AK-47 - United States - Farmington

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet in a public restroom. That would have been bad enough, without the guy in the next stall saying, "Jesus! What the hell did you eat?!" FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2020 02:03

Ouch

Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML

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By I wish it was gum

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

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By overthehorizon - United States

Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire 2 acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML

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By Elsine

Today, after having to move home with my parents because I'm broke and can't seem to find a job, my mom found out I'm on anti-depressants. She and my dad will no longer be helping with money because she doesn't like "drugs". FML

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Top comments

By swankmrpancake | 8

#4617581 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 18:56

Girl look at that body. He works out!!

By MathewBlack | 14

#4617569 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 18:54

Obviously he had been checking you out as well..

COMMENTS

By Dadothy | 8

#4617550 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 18:52

Well you got the job so he obviously wasn't upset about it. Sounds like he has a sense of humor and since he didn't get mad about it you should be glad.

Reply

officeradvil | 8

#4617567 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 18:54

Yeah, that guy sounds like a boss.

By MathewBlack | 14

#4617569 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 18:54

Obviously he had been checking you out as well..

Reply

onlychildFTW | 33

#4617795 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 19:33

Well OP you created the awkwardness by not being more secretive checking him out. next time try to hide it a little more. But congrats on getting the job.

Reply

cutemonsterx3 | 6

#4617890 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 19:45

Damn look at that Bugatti O:!

Reply

blcksocks | 19

#4619694 - Wednesday 27 June 2012 5:49

Is it just me or this whole thing sounds like the start of a porno? Damnit xhamster.

Reply

cutemonsterx3 | 6

#4620584 - Wednesday 27 June 2012 13:36

Haters :)

Reply

hqbrat | 8

#4625775 - Thursday 28 June 2012 13:48

Hey no duh you got thumbed down a Bugatti is a fucking car FYI....

Reply

cutemonsterx3 | 6

#4630154 - Friday 29 June 2012 15:33

No shit its a car!

By ydi_4_suking | 20

#4617576 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 18:55

Hell yeah! Saw a good ass, and got a job

By swankmrpancake | 8

#4617581 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 18:56

Girl look at that body. He works out!!

Reply

oh_merde | 11

#4617697 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 19:15

He's sexy and he knows it!

Reply

i_canlickmyelbow | 3

#4617755 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 19:26

Or guy ;)

Reply

DontModMeDammit | 10

#4617967 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 20:06

6, your profile picture makes this comment so much better.

Reply

rcgirl2 | 11

#4618250 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 22:08

All he has to do now is WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE!

Reply

iloveyou2129 | 6

#4618391 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 22:31

YEAH!!

Reply

astoryofroses | 9

#4618775 - Wednesday 27 June 2012 0:13

when he walks in the spot, this is what he sees: OP's sitting there and she's staring at him. he's got passion in his pants and he ain't afraid to show it show it show it show it, he's sexy and OP knows it ;)

Reply

sirpantselot | 22

#4619193 - Wednesday 27 June 2012 2:10

Actually 44 is right - OP could be a guy, we never find out. No reason a straight guy wouldn't admire the boss's arse if it was as toned as the FML leads us to believe...

Reply

i_canlickmyelbow | 3

#4619371 - Wednesday 27 June 2012 3:37

I guess being gay isn't okay yet... According to all my thumbs down.

Reply

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#4619430 - Wednesday 27 June 2012 4:00

Yes we all know how the song goes

Reply

mydadpulledout | 17

#4625356 - Thursday 28 June 2012 10:12

way to ruin the chain ya damn nazi

Reply

LordGiblett | 26

#6700247 - Saturday 8 October 2016 1:33

Assuming OP's even a girl..

By Dadothy | 8

#4617585 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 18:56

You got the job so be happy he didn't care:)

Reply

SpicyDuck | 22

#4617906 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 19:48

Exactly! How is this even an FML, you got a nice view AND a job! And potentially some good promotions from your boss with the nice ass. If you know what I mean.

Reply

blueroses2010 | 6

#4619664 - Wednesday 27 June 2012 5:40

Agreed #7! I'm not quite sure how this is even an FML? You're employed, the interviewer noticed you checking him out and still hired you...who knows, if you're both single and it's not against company policy, you might get a job an a relationship out of it :) Think positive OP

Reply

MsAnnaH | 1

#4619770 - Wednesday 27 June 2012 6:19

Or did he? Perhaps that was why she got the job?;-) hehe..
No I think he seemed flattered:-)

By insertnameherr | 11

#4617595 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 18:58

dat ass..

Reply

PYLrulz | 17

#4618554 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 23:11

Followed by a Poker Face (or a Bad Poker Face)

Reply

Wicked361 | 8

#4619255 - Wednesday 27 June 2012 2:30

What does poker face have to do with dat ass?

By el_chicharito_14 | 0

#4617597 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 18:58

You got the job op so be happy and hey, at least he has a sense of humor.

Reply

alexup24 | 13

#4617630 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 19:02

I thumbed you down for liking that cherry picker

Reply

mishaparis | 7

#4617942 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 19:58

19 - Your picture totally fits your comment.

Not that I didn't thumb it down, of course.

By AH1Zviper | 15

#4617606 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 18:59

This is going to be one of those " How I met your father " stories. Give or take a year or two.

Reply

crazy4uboi | 6

#4619060 - Wednesday 27 June 2012 1:12

That's going to be an interesting dinner conversation "um... Well you see... What happened was..."
"you're mom was checking out my ass" lol

Reply

MsAnnaH | 1

#4624644 - Thursday 28 June 2012 6:17

And it was....wait for it....legendary!!! ;-)
And that kids was How I met your mother..;-D

Reply

MsAnnaH | 1

#4624669 - Thursday 28 June 2012 6:22

And it was...wait for it....legendary!! ;-)
And that kids is How I met your mother :-D

By DarkSeekerX94446 | 14

#4617608 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 19:00

I think he's trying to tell you something..

By darkmis1 | 17

#4617610 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 19:00

I think it'll be a funny joke to have between you two at the office!

Reply

reallytho3 | 11

#4617927 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 19:54

OP: you still workin out?
Boss: Yup ;)

Reply

perdix | 29

#4618206 - Tuesday 26 June 2012 21:46

He can be the butt of your jokes.