Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got...

By Concussed - 17/1/2010 06:22 - Australia

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52564

You deserved it

6030

Favorite

Health

Yappy neighborhood

Weird kid

Peaky Bladders

By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 19:21 - Germany - Neunkirchen

Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27846

You deserved it

5290

Favorite

By fmylifeee - 27/9/2019 04:00

But my babiiiiiiies!

Today, my wife and I invited my boss over for dinner, specifically warning her not to bring her children due to our house not being childproof. She surprised us by walking in with her toddlers. They both shat on our carpets, then my dog knocked them into a wall. I guess I'll start looking for another job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1499

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By markderanjer - 4/11/2012 00:37 - United Kingdom - Ealing

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34003

You deserved it

3407

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/11/2011 00:04 - Reserved

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18078

You deserved it

39972

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 13:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was selling personalised stockings at work. When handing a customer's order over to her, which had no name on, I joked, "Oooh this is a bit mysterious". She replied, "Actually, it's in memory of the baby I miscarried earlier this year." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33937

You deserved it

9960

Favorite

By KMKWEEN - 16/2/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was at work. I work at a grocery store and a woman pulls a cart to me filled with chips, breads, lunch meats, and sodas. I said to her "Looks like you are going to have a fun party" she then looks at me and says "My mother just died, this is for after the funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43780

You deserved it

10623

Favorite

By Disappointed Mom - 31/7/2016 20:31 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was supposed to be enjoying a long-anticipated, desperately needed, weekend away. Turns out those "little stomach twinges" were actually symptoms of appendicitis. I'm stuck in the hospital, alone, recovering from surgery, while my family is enjoying our non-refundable break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14556

You deserved it

1016

Favorite

By kelscait - 1/7/2009 22:26 - United States

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21918

You deserved it

57148

Favorite

By Scabs - 9/8/2010 16:54 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31675

You deserved it

2615

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/7/2019 04:14

Today, I realised I can tell which family member has just left the bathroom from the smell alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1567

You deserved it

148

Favorite

By Amy - 6/3/2020 07:00

Adapt, overcome, improvise

Today, I was squeezed through an overly-crowded hallway down to my psychologist's. There, I sat in an overly-crowded waiting room to see him, next to an obese woman and an insane man. I finally entered the smaller-than-a-closet room. My reason for seeing a psychologist? Claustrophobia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1468

You deserved it

140

Favorite

By David - 1/9/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it will help the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handle bars. The handle bars came off and I fell down on the cross bar, busting my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43265

You deserved it

10064

Favorite

By kalisa anteater - 9/6/2013 20:49 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I had to explain to my mother that a lace mini-dress with an obscene amount of cleavage was not appropriate to wear while meeting my boyfriend's parents. She called me an "annoying prude" and said that with my attitude, I don't deserve to have a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51176

You deserved it

4906

Favorite

By loverpants - 14/8/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I made the "Good luck, We'll miss you!" sign for my own going away party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51712

You deserved it

5516

Favorite

By xXfloatingshitlogXx - 3/11/2012 16:04 - Norway - Jessheim

Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28961

You deserved it

2141

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 21:48 - United States - Round Lake

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about super heroes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55217

You deserved it

4091

Favorite

By The Towel Molester - 26/1/2012 14:49 - Australia

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28300

You deserved it

3249

Favorite

By Brittany - 10/4/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19025

You deserved it

49732

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/7/2017 06:00 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I was driving when a woman started crossing the street against the light at the upcoming intersection, so I slammed on the brakes and stopped short of hitting her. That's when she intentionally jumped onto my car and started screaming that I had "mowed her down". The cops believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6089

You deserved it

286

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/2/2016 09:55 - United Kingdom

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24403

You deserved it

8633

Favorite

By sportyhusband - 20/1/2010 03:46 - United States

Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14053

You deserved it

25989

Favorite

By ThisPerson - 19/5/2011 10:11 - Canada

Today, my 53 year-old art teacher told me she's excited about going clubbing this weekend. I'm excited about watching a special on the History Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32167

You deserved it

6650

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/5/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave me her number. I lost the note at home, but found it a few hours later. I excitedly called, only to find she'd written down the number for the local Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38811

You deserved it

4541

Favorite

By Unloveable - 13/6/2016 16:32 - United States - Priest River

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me over video chat. Two days before I was to move across the country to be with him. All of my things are already shipped. He said he thinks of me as a sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16285

You deserved it

1048

Favorite

By HeatherFeatherB - 5/1/2016 03:27 - United States - Mundelein

Today, one of my customers told me he was going to kill himself when I explained to him that I wasn't going to be able to deliver him the gallon of milk he wanted. I work in a pharmacy, dispensing medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20713

You deserved it

1257

Favorite

By nutcracker - 23/2/2010 09:28 - Slovenia

Today, I tried to see if you can kick yourself in the nuts. You can. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7159

You deserved it

68155

Favorite

By notthesame - 18/8/2016 04:45 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don't turn out like my sister and sneak out or sneak boys in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14608

You deserved it

1178

Favorite

By shando - 8/11/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spit directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated then shook its tail which splattered it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34460

You deserved it

3423

Favorite

By flowerchildd2 - 12/12/2011 23:17 - United States

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36269

You deserved it

3002

Favorite

By jimbop - 23/5/2009 17:48 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53767

You deserved it

10267

Favorite

By Exhausted - 28/11/2011 06:07 - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I was called an 'inconsiderate scum bucket' by my neighbour because I allowed my loud alarm to go on too long before silencing it. The only reason that I sleep through my alarm is because I have to wear earplugs as they have their TV on maximum volume until 4am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33765

You deserved it

2625

Favorite

By hateparents - 11/10/2009 11:25 - Australia

Today, my parents met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. They not only brought along embarrassing childhood photos of myself, they'd 'accidentally' placed an intimate photo of me and my ex-girlfriend with them. That was their subtle way of telling everyone they prefer my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40745

You deserved it

3245

Favorite

By kl - 26/10/2009 06:15 - Canada

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24981

You deserved it

4741

Favorite

By IDIOT - 28/3/2014 20:11 - United States

Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39527

You deserved it

3255

Favorite

By comfylap - 28/5/2010 23:30 - United States

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a cute girl I didn't know. She fell asleep on my lap by accident and I just let her for the whole train ride. This is the closest I've ever been with a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38719

You deserved it

6411

Favorite

By ineedbetterfriends - 15/6/2013 21:08 - Netherlands - Amersfoort

Today, I told my friend, who's a marriage counsellor, about some of the things my husband does that I hate, like snoring loudly and eating with his mouth open. I wasn't asking for advice, but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Divorce." Bye-bye, faith in humanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40527

You deserved it

5706

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/6/2013 04:44 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50022

You deserved it

9002

Favorite

By fmlifer - 4/11/2011 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the cheek at school. I missed, and walked away awkwardly. Later on, a teacher stopped me and told me how bad I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39403

You deserved it

9103

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/2/2014 10:01 - United Kingdom - Great Malvern

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41758

You deserved it

4993

Favorite

By bdw89 - 29/12/2016 18:42 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years still can't get it that dry humping me and saying, "But I'm horny" in a goofy voice isn't a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7081

You deserved it

970

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By shadowzraptor | 0

#779538 - Sunday 17 January 2010 12:25

im never showering again haha ): that sucks

By iKaite | 0

#779841 - Sunday 17 January 2010 16:08

A soap. In the shape of a bar. Moron.

COMMENTS

By shadowzraptor | 0

#779538 - Sunday 17 January 2010 12:25

im never showering again haha ): that sucks

EmilyCi | 0

#779749 - Sunday 17 January 2010 15:08

Murphy was an optimist.

voodootrucker | 0

#779817 - Sunday 17 January 2010 15:52

what the hell is a bar of soap?

iKaite | 0

#779841 - Sunday 17 January 2010 16:08

A soap. In the shape of a bar. Moron.

mmlprsh | 0

#779860 - Sunday 17 January 2010 16:18

Bless you.

Maybe switch to liquid soap?

fmlfmlfml15 | 0

#780128 - Sunday 17 January 2010 18:50

I have never read about someone failing so many times in less than 5 minutes.

Gobsnoglin | 0

#780688 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:32

To #1 - Move to France, you will blend right in.

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#781394 - Monday 18 January 2010 5:07

YDI for sneezing in a shower.. Using shampoo and soap at the same time.. Banging your head on the wall twice (were you listening to heavy-metal?).. Turning off the tap while attempting to stand up.. And for waiting for the water temp to change, before you got out or turned the hot tap off.. Get yourself a showering coach and hop back in for round two..