Transportation: Today, after spending a few minutes de-icing my car and leaving... - FML

By katie - France

Today, after spending a few minutes de-icing my car and leaving the heat on so it would warm up, I slipped as I was entering the car and hit my head on the door, causing it to close and lock. I'm waiting for my mom who has a spare key to come and unlock it. Class started ten minutes ago. FML

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Walk on the wild side

Bad guy (duh)

Sister of the year

By sigh - United States - Medford

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wasn't feeling too well. I decided to bring my laptop with me to the bathroom, because I figured I would be in there for a while. Things were going great, until I felt a burp coming. Next thing I know, my computer is covered with puke. FML

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By fml - Japan - Koshigaya

Today, I took my 2-year-old son to the ear doctor, since he'd stopped responding whenever I call him. The doctor told me that his ears are just fine. He's just ignoring me. FML

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By Nickolas - United States

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

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By hahagirl - United Kingdom

Today, my cousin suddenly confided in me that he had tried to commit suicide by overdosing when he was 17. Shocked and not knowing how to respond, I blurted out, "Did it work?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML

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By yamuda - Ireland - Carlow

Today, I walked into the kitchen to see my dad peeing into a cup. We made eye contact and he quickly threw the cup into the sink. Not one word has been spoken about what happened, and I saw my mom use the same cup later on that day. FML

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By reesemaster - United States

Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend in the hopes of spicing things up. Everything was going great, until I tasted it. It was disgusting and actually made me gag a little. Later, my boyfriend checked the label and started laughing. It had expired 3 years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I punched the air enthusiastically after getting an impossible question right. Unfortunately, above me was an old fashioned mole trap, with 6 small spikes and 2 large ones. I now have 6 puncture wounds in my hand, and two in my shoulder, as it fell off the hook it was hanging on. FML

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By Nomoreballs - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to take a break. At least she gave me a parting gift. Lice. FML

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By need my own place - United States

Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

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By rainyday - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I said that at least I was always there for him when he needed me. He said "When did I need you?" FML

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By Noname - France

Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML

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By wow. - United Kingdom

Today, I got into my driving instructor's car for my first lesson. He looked at me, then said, "I'm sorry, but I wasn't told about your disabilities, what do you have?" I'm not disabled. FML

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By lyss - United States - Pottsville

Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my electricity went out. The electric company said it was because the bill was at least 4 months overdue. Apparently, I have been paying for my roommate to go out and party for weeks. FML

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By mylifesucks - France

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

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By Jennnn - United States

Today, I was at a stop light when I saw a cute police officer at the light across the intersection. Trying to be cute as I drove by, I turned and winked and waved. The car in front of me stopped, I rear ended them and then got rear ended. The cute cop winked back, then wrote me a ticket. FML

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By AstralLuna - 5/3/2021 08:01 - United States - Sacramento

Keep up!

Today, I, a demigirl struggling with her identity, have decided to change my name. When I told my dad in therapy (of all places) that I was a demigirl, he struggled to understand me. When I told my mom I was changing my name, she yelled at me and refused to call me it. And she wonders why I don't trust her. FML

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By fmlgirl - Netherlands - Hulst

Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML

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By erjazo - United States - Morris

Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML

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By Kebabjoon - Spain

Today, I had my first job interview for eight months. My interviewer noticeably yawned during my reply to the first question. FML

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By Fatty - United States

Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML

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By itsEVERYWHERE - United States

Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML

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By hunta331

Today, I learned just how bad jellyfish stings hurt. Multiple times. On my testicles. FML

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By Teaching26 - United States

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

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By Nate - United States

Today, we watched a movie in class. Afterwards, the professor asked us what we thought. I raised my hand and said it was pretentious, dull and a really poor example of filmmaking. It was the movie HE spent five years writing and directing. FML

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By Catremorse - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

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By imnotacat - United States

Today, I was riding on the bus, when I felt a weird sensation on my hair. The person behind me was petting it. FML

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By anon

Nightmare Fuel

Today, at work, I had a coughing fit so bad I actually shat myself. What felt like a gallon of liquid crap poured down my trouser leg onto the floor. I work in a competitive office and this happened in front of 30 spiteful coworkers who love posting pics online. FML

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By NoKeyNoCar - United States

Today, I rented a car that has a smart key. The proximity of the key determines if the doors will unlock. I went to a meeting and returned to the car with the trunk popped open and all my luggage gone. The rental company decided to store a spare key in the glovebox for safe keeping. FML

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By Oops - United States

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

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By engaged - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found myself crying my eyes out over my two favourite fictional characters' deaths. It happened over 6 years ago and has affected me more than real peoples' deaths. FML

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By AnDroidZ_BabY - United States

Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML

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By Disgruntled ADP - United States - Dallas

Today, we moved desks for the umpteenth time, and my supervisor stuffed me in a corner by the door with no one around to talk to. The worst thing is I hear the badge reader beep every few seconds. It's already driving me crazy. FML

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By MoreActionThanMe - United States

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

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Top comments

By Caz_the_Spaz | 6

#803402 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:40

Hopefully your teacher will understand, espically if you have bruises from falling and everything. It still sucks though.

By maskedman | 9

#803416 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:46

Show your teacher this FML. He would have to believe you then.

COMMENTS

By martyshay | 0

#803397 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:40

lol

By Caz_the_Spaz | 6

#803402 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:40

Hopefully your teacher will understand, espically if you have bruises from falling and everything. It still sucks though.

Reply

guckylynn | 19

#803543 - Thursday 28 January 2010 2:34

People walk in late for class all the time. Who really cares?

Reply

jessxoxo28 | 5

#803782 - Thursday 28 January 2010 4:13

^ agreed

Reply

RaKum12 | 0

#803923 - Thursday 28 January 2010 5:09

agree with #14 n jessxoxo28 is hot

Reply

fudrick | 0

#803975 - Thursday 28 January 2010 5:30

Wow, #36, way to cream your pants over a mediocre looking girl over the Internet.

Reply

Instanguy | 0

#804069 - Thursday 28 January 2010 6:07

ha

Reply

ActionManly | 11

#804272 - Thursday 28 January 2010 8:02

I think fudrick is hot

Reply

bloodhoundbambam | 0

#804280 - Thursday 28 January 2010 8:13

1 #40

By Skaternate77 | 0

#803403 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:40

ouch hahahahhahahahhaha

By D_Thr33 | 0

#803407 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:42

as far as I know leaving the heat on won't warm up your car until the engine is warm anyway

Reply

xFattyxWhalex | 0

#804129 - Thursday 28 January 2010 6:38

no shit. are you dumb on purpose?

Reply

superHydrate | 4

#804285 - Thursday 28 January 2010 8:16

as far as I know, when your key is at that keyhole thing in your car, the car won't lock. unless you turnoff the engine, get the key off the hole thing, and put it on the seat. if that's what happened the you don't need to go to that class, that won't help you. ever. again. in your life. not curable state of mind.

Reply

Cupcaken | 0

#804334 - Thursday 28 January 2010 9:11

yes it will? cars actually CAN lock when turned on. idiot.

Reply

idkweird | 0

#805062 - Thursday 28 January 2010 19:01

#59, only certain cars have that feature. A lot of cars can lockwhile they are running.

By sexypancake | 0

#803409 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:42

Night class blows.

By maskedman | 9

#803416 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:46

Show your teacher this FML. He would have to believe you then.

Reply

mattis78 | 0

#803429 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:51

Do this. Would seriously be funny

By boltman24 | 0

#803421 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:47

lol damn bad luck

By the_duce | 0

#803445 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:57

lame

By jk0ng | 0

#803472 - Thursday 28 January 2010 2:06

FAIL!

By girlzrule94587 | 0

#803480 - Thursday 28 January 2010 2:10

lol. this made me laugh, but it musta hurt