Today, after several years of reforming myself politically, I... - FML

By Anonymous - 28/8/2018 04:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, after several years of reforming myself politically, I married a black woman. At the wedding, when the priest asked for objections, one man stood up - the leader of my former Ku Klux Klan chapter. I really should have mentioned that earlier. FML

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Understandable

This is fine

Not a cheating!

By tacoboy - 21/8/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML

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By -.- - 24/8/2013 23:54 - United States

Today, I suggestively asked my boyfriend to take a shower with me. He got in, washed himself, and got out, ignoring me the whole time. FML

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By stopinthenameoflove - 19/6/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

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By Mack - 9/9/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

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By neighbour hell - 25/4/2013 17:56 - Norway - Kristiansand

Today, after 2 months of my new neighbours' kids throwing rocks at our cars, constantly swearing at us, bullying my siblings in and out of school, and vandalising our property, their mother has convinced the landlord that we're the ones out of control. FML

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By Nathanael Johnson - 30/7/2019 16:00

Today, my roommate came home from work and yelled at me for my dinner being too spicy. The same dinner he denied stealing. FML

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By Miserable - 11/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I did laundry in my apartment complex's laundry room. I put my stuff in the dryer and returned to my room. The sign on the door says the laundry room closes at 10 pm, but that's rarely true. Tonight it was. I have to wait until 8 am. I work at 7:30. My work clothes are in there. FML

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By really mom - 15/4/2012 17:38 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my mom started dipping into my college savings, just so she can continue throwing money away on visiting a medium who claims she can channel the spirit of our recently-deceased family dog. FML

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By Anon - 10/10/2011 15:24 - Canada

Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML

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By dadum - 27/1/2011 07:17 - Australia

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

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By Stacy Dee - 20/7/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, my family is on the third day of driving cross country. My husband is still pretending he is driving on a NASCAR track, sound effects and all. FML

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By slim_breezy - 4/6/2016 07:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to rush my son to the ER after he ate a poisonous plant. He said the plant looked like one in Skyrim and he thought he'd get super powers from eating it. FML

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By Sydney - 15/1/2013 23:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML

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By itendstonight - 9/8/2009 12:42 - Ireland

Today, it was my turn to have the trophy my baseball team won a few weeks ago. I then find out that my brother and his buddies thought it would be funny to fill the trophy up with beer, drink the beer, and then pee in it. Not only is it over 50yrs old, it stinks of pee and is due back tomorrow. FML

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By ImaSneakyNinja - 17/11/2016 02:55 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2016 15:31 - United States - Middleboro

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by handing me a ring and saying "Let's get this dumb shit over and done with." FML

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By Merdoc - 3/2/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML

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By really - 22/5/2016 02:23 - United States - Denver

Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, my apartment burned to the ground. I was packed and ready to move out tomorrow. FML

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By Leo_RxXx - 26/5/2009 12:18 - United States

Today, I was getting off of work, talking to my boss and I asked if I could get a ride home, since my usual ride was too lazy to come get me. He said, sure, but to be really careful since he just had his car detailed. I was getting in the car, tripped and threw my hot cocoa all inside of his car. FML

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By Ugly_Broke_Medussssssa - 16/8/2018 01:30

Today, while working at my job in a luxury retail store, a woman left me a business card. It was for a plastic surgeon. FML

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By Soon2beexhr - 5/2/2018 15:00

Today, my boss tested a candidate for my current position while I was out of the office. How did I find out? I work in HR and the test results were sent to my email. The reason I was out was to have emergency surgery. Now I get to recover and job search at the same time. FML

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By kiwi2323 - 26/9/2012 01:48 - United States

Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML

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By mystery - 17/6/2012 02:08 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. She hadn't even called me; I saw the news on my Facebook news feed. FML

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By Alexis - 15/11/2017 23:00 - United States

Classy.

Today, I spent 12 hours in an airport rather than go back to the apartment of the man I traveled to see for the weekend. Instead of wine, dine, sixty-nine, he took me to a tailgating event and introduced me to two girls he had a threesome with. FML

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By crazychick - 19/8/2009 16:40 - Canada

Today, I was told I have bipolar disorder. I'm 31. It took so long to diagnose because my mom always figured I was "just a super bitch half the time." FML

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By hadrienne's pall - 13/5/2016 19:25 - Canada - Markham

Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML

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By Wheredigowrong - 21/10/2013 04:18 - United States - Ankeny

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

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By FianceFlaw? - 25/11/2018 14:00

Today, I went to the courthouse to apply for my marriage license and had my mother tag along with me. When I asked one of five security guards where to go, my mom looked at him and said,"You’re suppose to talk her out of it." Thanks, Mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2012 04:49 - United States - Moorhead

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

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By SmileAndSayHi - 1/6/2016 19:23 - United States - Hialeah

Today, the underwire in my bra snapped as my 9-hour workday started. FML

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By WorstLifeEver - 25/6/2010 00:45 - United States

Today, I was walking around in the mall when I dropped my purse. When I bent down to pick it up, some guy came up behind me, humped my ass, then ran away laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Boom!

Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML

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By Shooter71 - 16/10/2010 04:09 - France

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

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By hesaidwhat - 15/1/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, I checked my Facebook notifications to see that someone likes my new single status. My ex. FML

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By bottlepoppin - 2/3/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, a customer opened with "you open bottles with them thangs?" I look around my desk for something he might confuse with an actual bottle opener. His girlfriend then informs me he is talking about my breasts. I work for a bank. FML

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By confused_cashier - 12/6/2016 01:34 - United States - Herndon

Today, while working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant, a customer asked me how many chicken nuggets were in our 6 count chicken nuggets. FML

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By leigh2812 - 5/1/2010 22:03 - France

Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2009 12:09 - Canada

Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML

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Top comments

By stormy0307 | 16

#7684133 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 14:35

Why did you invite him?

By indienerdgirl | 27

#7684146 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 15:08

Why was he there anyways? You should've cut connection with him if you aren't apart of the KKK anymore. Let's hope she still said I do and you were able to explain yourself.

COMMENTS

By upthera | 6

#7684132 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 14:33

The fuck

By stormy0307 | 16

#7684133 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 14:35

Why did you invite him?

Reply

PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7684269 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 20:21

I assume he just showed up uninvited.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7684145 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 15:06

Ya this needs a follow-up so what happened did u get married? and good for you to mature to adulthood

By indienerdgirl | 27

#7684146 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 15:08

Why was he there anyways? You should've cut connection with him if you aren't apart of the KKK anymore. Let's hope she still said I do and you were able to explain yourself.

Reply

indienerdgirl | 27

#7684160 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 15:31

* I realized he said he married her so ignore my I do comment lol

By lexos | 16

#7684152 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 15:16

Videos or it didn't happen

By hiddenUSERNAME | 27

#7684155 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 15:21

so you didn't tell your 'wife' about your past. that's douchee

By middlenamefrank2 | 4

#7684183 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 16:35

Congratulations on your belated "reformation". It does take courage to admit being so wrong about something, and taking the painful steps to correct what you can.

But yeah, that topic should DEFINITELY have come up with your now wife long ago.

By ojosRojos | 28

#7684184 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 16:36

So your black wife didn’t know that you were once a part of the kkk? That seems a bit unfair...I feel like that could’ve been a deal breaker. Good luck, OP...you’re gonna need it.

By melisssa87 | 30

#7684201 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 17:08

Surprises are nice but not thar kind and not on a wedding day

By superlloyd | 15

#7684205 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 17:12

you think the kkk is a political group? someone still has some growing up to do.