Today, after having spent years staying in school, working hard...

By luciazee - 6/6/2013 20:51 - Peru - Lima

Today, after having spent years staying in school, working hard to achieve good grades, and avoiding all the bad kids, my mom accused me of having no direction in life and complained about how I haven't given her a grandchild yet. I'm 19. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Call CPS!

DINOSAURS!!

By Anonymous - 7/6/2019 14:03

Today, I got fired from my job. My boss is my brother. His reason being that, "it would create awkward tension between us." I've been working for him for 5 years, and it's like he's only just realised that I was there. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2013 03:17 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML

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By lowly worker - 8/4/2017 18:00

Today, I nearly lost a hand at work, because a supervisor decided to remove a 'useless' safety guard on a machine despite my warnings. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2015 16:59 - Australia - Boya

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

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By fuck - 21/8/2015 18:22 - United States - Somerville

Today, I scolded my son at a buffet after he pointed at an obese woman in a motorized wheelchair and asked how anyone could let themselves get so unhealthy. As I lectured him on genetics and thyroid problems, she rolled past with a plate stacked with an obscene amount of fried food. FML

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By A. nonymous - 14/12/2010 13:32

Today, my girlfriend made a delicious birthday breakfast, and she said there would be a surprise at the end. Today is not my birthday, it's her ex's. FML

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By cumhole - 10/10/2012 02:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

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By where do they come from - 1/7/2014 04:26 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I had to explain what "cashback" was to a customer. She called me a liar and wanted to talk to a manager because she felt I made up the concept. I'm the manager. She wouldn't believe me and waited in the store for an hour. Apparently this is what a Masters degree gets me. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2015 14:47 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML

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By Sarah - 24/7/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML

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By Sally - 26/1/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

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By Sad preggo - 24/1/2017 14:00

Today, my attention-seeking sister-in-law came to my 20 week ultrasound and afterward, without my knowledge, took it upon herself to announce the gender to Facebook and call the entire family, telling them "we're having a boy" nullifying any need for the announcement I had spent 4 weeks planning. FML

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By Crash - 30/6/2010 23:06 - United States

Today, I saw a woman still texting on her phone as she started to drive away when the light turned green. I made sure to stare her down and give her a dirty look because she wasn't paying attention to driving. She laughed as I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

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By yeah - 25/10/2019 14:00 - United States

Nightmare

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. In Walmart. Over the loudspeaker. FML

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By Cogibbt - 3/8/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my mom found out that paper is made from trees. She read it on a garbage truck. I then had to explain to her how it's made. FML

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By john doe - 7/12/2013 17:29 - United States - Portland

Today, my 6-year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

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By golfstar11 - 11/12/2012 02:05 - United States - Savannah

Today, I was doing a presentation in front of my boss. On the last slide, someone had put a picture of a man's cock. I later found out it was my boss who did it. It was his "good reason" to fire me. FML

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By OverweightTeen - 14/1/2010 06:59 - Canada

Today, I added some of my own money to the tip jar in the Subway I work at to make myself look less pathetic. FML

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By f'ed_over - 19/1/2009 11:12 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom tried to bribe him with an iPhone to dump me. He accepted. FML

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By pocahontas - 26/10/2010 01:47 - United States

Today, one of my coworkers called to remind me about the annual costume day at work this morning. I dressed as Pocahontas. There is no annual costume day. I was fired for dressing inappropriately in front of customers. FML

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By LilaTheGreat - 5/5/2013 23:51 - United States - Boyd

Today, I got into a car crash, in my own garage. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2014 00:10 - United States - Birmingham

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

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By backfat - 18/5/2018 01:44

Baby Got Back

Today, while in bed, my fiancé rolled over in the dark and complimented me on my nice buttocks. He had actually grabbed a roll of back fat. FML

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By eww. - 22/3/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

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By okay then - 13/2/2013 22:09 - United States - Avon Lake

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I discovered my sister has a crystal meth problem when she set fire to our house. FML

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By asianjoe - 11/7/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

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By pootythe5th - 30/8/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

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By numbcrumb - 18/9/2017 23:15

Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML

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By Noname - 9/2/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I was talking with some of my friends who are girls. They were all complaining about how there was no good boys left to ask to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Hoping for an invite I mentioned I was still availiable. They just laughed at me and invited me to come dress shopping with them. FML

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By "Lifefail887" - 4/7/2017 18:30

Today, after buying a new pair of prescription glasses, I went to the beach. The ocean now has a new pair of glasses. FML

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By _guy_j - 6/9/2015 03:11 - United States - Glendora

Today, my brother got a job as an Uber driver. Now, whenever I need a ride from him, he insists I pay him money through the app. FML

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By badluckryan - 25/9/2012 13:38 - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I received a drunken prank call from a girl I didn't know around 1am. I don't know what's sadder, that I carried out the conversation for 30 minutes, or that this was the first girl to call me in over a year. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2018 22:00

Today, after a long shift, I came home and cleaned my house so I could relax tomorrow. I finished up the night with a soothing bubble bath, which was lovely until the ceiling collapsed into the tub. I can't even wash the filth off because my bath is full of drain-clogging plaster. FML

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By TomorrowMaybe - 8/10/2016 16:29 - Denmark - Frederiksberg

Today, I got my new smartwatch that I ordered for myself on the promise that I would use it for tracking my new exercise routine. Instead, I used it for playing Pong whilst eating cake and drinking wine. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2009 07:22 - United States

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

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By admin1771 - 25/12/2016 17:00 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I'm supposed to go to my girlfriend's house for Christmas with her family. I got a text from her saying that her dad found our used condom package from last night. I'm supposed to be there in 3 hours. FML

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By Aspireworks - 29/1/2013 22:46 - United States

Today, my fiancé's mother came up to me and told me she loves that I stuck with my soon-to-be husband despite his history and condition. I have no idea what she's talking about, and she refuses to tell me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2015 20:42 - United States - Boulder

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

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Top comments

By PenguinBitch | 43

#5524364 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:29

Parents these days.

By MissVeracity | 12

#5524366 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:30

If you know you're doing well that's all that matters.

Comments

By PenguinBitch | 43

#5524364 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:29

Parents these days.

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5524466 - Friday 7 June 2013 6:08

ungrateful and blind of all the good they have.. but then again that can be any person, parent or not.

evilscorpi | 29

#5524537 - Friday 7 June 2013 7:14

I applaud op for not being a teen mother and focusing on becoming a successful person. we need more people like that.

By MissVeracity | 12

#5524366 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:30

If you know you're doing well that's all that matters.

MotleyManiac | 7

#5524447 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:57

Well said. You work hard and be proud of yourself OP. The people that are worth having in your life are those that appreciate you and encourage you, not tear you down.

By mikeymayhem_87 | 15

#5524367 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:30

Sounds like you may be living the life she wanted to. Keep it up, OP!

By heylesha | 8

#5524369 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:30

Well good for you OP, good for you :-)

By yesio12 | 13

#5524377 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:31

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

jessicajackson_fml | 8

#5524969 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:58

You can never win

By iammeorami | 25

#5524379 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:32

props for not making kids at a young age

By flockz | 19

#5524385 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:33

you should star in a reality show: Educated and Pregnant.

TheDrifter | 23

#5524436 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:49

But could they find enough cast got a second season? Somehow educated and realty TV don't seem to hang out much.

TheDrifter | 23

#5524440 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:53

*for *reality. Proofread fail at my end.

Welshite | 39

#5524468 - Friday 7 June 2013 6:08

Uh, excuse me, but I personally enjoy realty TV. I learn all sorts of useless facts about investing in properties and housing.

MidnaLink | 32

#5524484 - Friday 7 June 2013 6:14

18 It does if you watch shows like "'Til debt do us part" or "Love it or list it".

Beebs629_fml | 9

#5524495 - Friday 7 June 2013 6:26

"Love It or List It" is literally the most addictive show. And neither Hillary nor David are brain dead or trashy!

TheDrifter | 23

#5524558 - Friday 7 June 2013 7:40

It seems my typo has led me to a new genre of TV. Renovation shows could either give me great ideas, or get me in large amounts of trouble for dismantling rooms to implement them, maybe both.

By dancinggirl900 | 17

#5524391 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:34

Ignore her, hopefully in the long run she'll see how great of a child you were.

By mac8080 | 7

#5524395 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:35

Crazy bitch

By OliveCx | 10

#5524397 - Friday 7 June 2013 5:35

You've got your head screwed on right, and your mom just has messed up expectations. Good job, OP. I hope you get where you're trying to go.