Money: Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the...

By lonelyandcold - 05/12/2012 23:27 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 503

You deserved it 1 826

Money

Stop talking!

Late term

Triage

By Dumbass Dude - 24/05/2019 14:10

Today, I pulled into a parking lot, for the car to simply shut off because I ran out of gas. Then I couldn't get the key out of the ignition, so I called my dad, who walked all the way to where I was, only to find out that the car was still in drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 2 002

By Stixchop - 26/02/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 259

You deserved it 54 827

Where is my mind?

By brainfart - 19/09/2020 10:01

Today, I was put on a medication for severe migraines. One of the side effects is difficulty concentrating and word recall. I was writing a paper and sat there trying to remember how to spell "isn't." This medication better work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 76

Revenge is sweet yogurt

By Doomed - 24/07/2021 08:02 - United States

Today, my coworker made up a story about me “sexually harassing” her and filed a complaint to my boss. All because I took the last plastic spoon from the breakroom, and she couldn’t eat her yogurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 73

By VahnSeiro - 20/02/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 2 719

By LexiBoBexi - 12/07/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, my family and I went to the coast. Our dog was off the leash because we were the only people around. He was delighted to find a dead seal carcass and roll around in its remains. We then had a 3 hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 572

You deserved it 8 577

Role model

By thanks sis - 03/07/2020 05:02

Today, I went over to visit my sister. She had a bunch of pictures of me on her wall. I thought it was sweet, but a bit odd. Turns out she looks at pictures of me to motivate herself whenever she doesn’t feel like working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 334

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 339

You deserved it 3 950

By Anonymous - 25/06/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 853

You deserved it 6 524

By Shivvy - 11/02/2011 03:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I came downstairs disappointed thinking that my parents had forgotten my birthday. Turns out they didn't forget, they just couldn't be bothered to do anything for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 135

You deserved it 3 144

Where is it?

By beezybees - 20/02/2010 01:54 - United States

Today, I lost the beautiful necklace my boyfriend gave me for Valentine's day. I looked everywhere, and couldn't find it. My sister held the bag while I dug through the stinking trash, then after I cleaned everything up, took it out of her pocket and said she was pretending it was lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 389

You deserved it 2 857

By "96Ellie" - 11/03/2017 14:00

Today, I finally got a product I ordered 2 weeks ago as a free trial/ only pay shipping deal. Also today, the same company took an extra $130 out of my account without authorisation. Best part: when I called to sort things out, they told me they had no record of my order details. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 978

You deserved it 611

Parenting struggles

By Aniel85 - 22/11/2021 20:01

Today, after I worked 15 hours yesterday, coming home at 1 a.m. thinking I could sleep in because my kids have no school, I was woken up at 7 a.m. because they wanted pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 195

Alexa, play 4'33" by John Cage

By Anonymous - 07/09/2020 17:00

Today, I was the first to sign up to play the national anthem for my school, at one of my volleyball games. My teacher told me she would bring my sheet music. She didn’t. So I just sat there, awkwardly, not playing my cello. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 164

By Medic - 29/10/2012 03:10 - United States - Puyallup

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 536

You deserved it 4 315

By BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 993

You deserved it 30 055

By Anonymous - 02/01/2011 18:22 - United Kingdom

Today, several family members, including my mum, deleted me from Facebook in a concerted show of contempt. Apparently, I just can't shut up about World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 070

You deserved it 51 467

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 20:59 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I realized that the only times I get to hang out with my friends outside of school are when one of them accidentally mentions plans in front of me and they are obligated by social protocol to invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 642

You deserved it 3 227

By doglover - 03/11/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, a Milkbone commercial came on TV. At the end of it, they whistle and throw a Milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and run head on into my new plasma screen TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 056

You deserved it 4 747

Time to move out

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 08:01

Today, I'm spending $1,400 on rent each month to hear my upstairs neighbor walk from one end of their apartment to the other, and then back again. This occurs pretty much all day and all night. Yesterday I woke up at 3:30 a.m. from the banging of steps. My other neighbor played his music so loud, I felt it through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 136

By well i'm fucked - 03/02/2014 22:47 - United States - Aberdeen

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 080

You deserved it 6 829

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 16:05 - Germany - Kerpen

Today, I wanted to top up my shower gel dispenser. After carefully squeezing the entire tube into the dispenser, I realized why it looked so white: I'd mixed the remaining shower gel with the entire tube of fancy, expensive, organic body lotion that my grandma had given me for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 1 649

By JDLAX1924 - 05/08/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 740

You deserved it 42 302

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 10:59 - United Kingdom

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 839

You deserved it 2 790

By noname - 04/01/2009 05:39 - France

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!". She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 004

You deserved it 25 230

By nycgirl424 - 05/02/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years sent me a text messages saying, "Don't worry I'm gonna break up with her soon. Love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 541

You deserved it 3 156

By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, after getting out of the shower, I was in a good mood. So I decided to run around the house naked, then play air guitar while air drying, just for fun. My blinds were open, and the men in the Fedex truck in my front yard did have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 611

You deserved it 34 481

By asleepinclass - 16/03/2009 17:18 - Poland

Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 771

You deserved it 40 089

By ihateseagulls - 07/04/2011 23:28 - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 600

You deserved it 4 100

By kk- - 17/06/2019 17:05

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me and I'd chained-smoked all night, I had a driving test. With only 3 hours of sleep, I literally drove through a red light during the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 2 806

Anticlimax

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 22:01 - United States - Odenville

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 219

By vishurricanes - 10/06/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I was on the bus when my crush told me to come and sit with him. I got all excited, especially when he put his arm around me. He then whispered in my ear "Hey, is your friend over there single?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 780

You deserved it 3 221

By MozillaHostile - 09/10/2015 18:54 - Canada

Today, I saw my cat attacking a suitcase under my bed for apparently no reason. I laughed and picked it up to show him that there was nothing there, only to find a huge wasp hiding under it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 22 837

You deserved it 2 661

By Lisa - 04/11/2010 14:42 - United States

Today, I received an overdue bill for my now nonexistent car that caught fire in July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 113

You deserved it 3 545

By KMKWEEN - 16/02/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was at work. I work at a grocery store and a woman pulls a cart to me filled with chips, breads, lunch meats, and sodas. I said to her "Looks like you are going to have a fun party" she then looks at me and says "My mother just died, this is for after the funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 843

You deserved it 10 640

By Alex - 30/09/2009 06:46 - Belgium

Today, I was notified that I've been going to the wrong courses for 4 weeks. A friend of mine was the only person to tell me that the administration had taken the privilege to change my courses. I have now failed 5 courses due to absences and have been suspended from college for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 580

You deserved it 5 364

Error!

By Anonymous - 29/12/2019 03:00

Today, I called my cell phone tech support to help with my Samsung device. They sent me contact info for Apple support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 228

Stay safe, stay home FFS!

By wtf_are_people_doing - 21/04/2020 23:00

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend for a walk. It's our anniversary, and I hadn't seen him in over a month because of the quarantine, so we agreed to meet, as long as we had the proper safety gear and were careful. On my way to meet him, I drove past a park. In it were twelve half-naked teenagers playing volleyball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 324

By goodbye-college - 15/08/2010 04:12 - Canada

Today, I found out I won't be able to go to college. Why? My sister's horse needs surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 265

You deserved it 5 228

By Unsatisfied - 16/12/2009 06:15 - Canada

Today, I found the only man who hates sex. He's my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 936

You deserved it 4 650

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Top comments

Pleonasm 35

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Thursday 6 December 2012 8:13

It really brings my blood to a boil when parents don't give the slightest regards to their children. OP I hope you warm to the idea of disowning such a careless ice-queen.

badbadkitty 5

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Thursday 6 December 2012 8:11

Wow. Sounds like your mother really cares about your well being! I'm so sorry OP! I'm sure you have friends who care more than your mother!

badbadkitty 5

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Thursday 6 December 2012 8:11

Wow. Sounds like your mother really cares about your well being! I'm so sorry OP! I'm sure you have friends who care more than your mother!

Harpy20 24

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Thursday 6 December 2012 8:30

I'm sorry OP, she sounds pretty cold.

halzmac 5

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Thursday 6 December 2012 9:16

Yeah! Op should stay with a friend who actually cares about her!

onlychildFTW 33

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Thursday 6 December 2012 10:16

Lets hope OP was bad and Santa gives OP a lump of coal!

sens3sfailing 24

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Thursday 6 December 2012 10:26

I would love being given coal for Christmas! Go sell that shit, then buy something decent for myself!

cathyfang1533 12

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Friday 7 December 2012 5:47

Or maybe some One Direction posters?

Byakuren_fml 0

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Thursday 6 December 2012 8:11

The cans are warmed by my body heat.

onlychildFTW 33

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Thursday 6 December 2012 10:17

The cans? What???

peachesncreem 21

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Thursday 6 December 2012 12:16

For some reason, my mind went straight to boobs when I read this :S

peachesncreem 21

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Thursday 6 December 2012 12:19

Excuse me while I pick up my mind out of the gutter..

ShyAnn29 14

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Thursday 6 December 2012 14:29

52 I thought the same thing lol

Pleonasm 35

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Thursday 6 December 2012 8:13

It really brings my blood to a boil when parents don't give the slightest regards to their children. OP I hope you warm to the idea of disowning such a careless ice-queen.

kearsleyz 10

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Thursday 6 December 2012 8:17

Quality not Quantity*

Pleonasm 35

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Thursday 6 December 2012 8:49

Who knows. Sometimes we get roaming, vagabond commenters, that post whatever random assortment of words they can come up with from post to post. It's funny sometimes

Ryan_Jaxson 8

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Thursday 6 December 2012 9:06

And sometimes, these vagabonds wave at you from the bus after taking your spare change.

kearsleyz 10

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Thursday 6 December 2012 9:07

Pleonasms use of puns on FMLs, some of them are golden, this one, in my opinion felt forced

chocolateisyum 12

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Thursday 6 December 2012 8:14

Rug up with lots of blankets and jumpers. Spend your time watching movies in bed. But I'm sorry about your mean mother!

onlychildFTW 33

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Thursday 6 December 2012 9:37

Yes, there right. LOTS IF BLANKETS!!

LanaViolin 10

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Thursday 6 December 2012 8:14

How the hell does one deserve this?! FYL dude.

Needafarm 22

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Thursday 6 December 2012 8:17

There are a lot of people out there that think everyone deserves anything they get, good or bad.

onlychildFTW 33

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Thursday 6 December 2012 10:04

It's the people who just want to do the opposite of the majority. They want to be rebels.

gc327072 30

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Thursday 6 December 2012 14:59

People who think FTW means "f the world" and not "for the win".

Duladian 19

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Thursday 6 December 2012 18:12

I'm one of the people who hit 'ydi' Mind you I did not do that on purpose. While using a small touch screen, someone can accidently push the wrong one. This is probably a good number of them for this fml. I've done this a few times over the years.

Needafarm 22

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Thursday 6 December 2012 8:15

Sorry OP, all the warm thoughts in the world aren't going to keep you from freezing. I'd recommend Booze, but surgery and booze don't mix.

CCSA 12

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Thursday 6 December 2012 15:03

Booze won't help you either way, with or without surgery. It simply make you feel warmed up for a short period and cause you to lose more body heat over time.