Miscellaneous: Today, after a long and tiring day at work, I went to the movies,...

By Stormy - 18/06/2011 21:49 - United States

Today, after a long and tiring day at work, I went to the movies, loaded up on soda, popcorn, and candy. I ended up falling asleep and being woken up two hours later by an usher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 806

You deserved it 8 212

Miscellaneous

Dementia or hate? You decide

Mother of the year

Work sucks, I know

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 05:56 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 006

You deserved it 7 776

By sober judge - 03/10/2013 03:46 - United States - Enfield

Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 527

You deserved it 7 837

By Puzzlepiece - 28/06/2014 14:08 - Australia - Lakemba

Today, I spent the whole day doing a 500 piece puzzle. The last piece didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 160

You deserved it 6 587

By Anonymous - 20/03/2013 16:08 - United States - Arlington

Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 974

You deserved it 6 478

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 21:22 - Canada

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 968

You deserved it 50 522

By Anonymous - 01/02/2013 22:13 - Romania - Cluj-napoca

Today, I asked my bosses for three weeks off in July to go on a much-needed vacation. Their response was to fire me on the spot. My bosses are my aunt and uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 045

You deserved it 4 026

By Ouch - 21/06/2013 03:06 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, I tried to wipe some sweat off my brow before it could make its way down into my eye. I ended up poking myself in the eye so hard that I yelped, stumbled and was thrown off the still-moving treadmill while trying to regain my balance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 389

You deserved it 7 227

Timing is crucial in comedy

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane that was experiencing some turbulence. Feeling anxious, I reached over and grabbed my husband's hand for comfort. He then said, "Why are you scared of dying? You're not even pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 998

You deserved it 4 202

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 00:00 - United States - Granger

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 164

You deserved it 1 518

By jenA - 12/07/2012 02:40 - United States

Today, I got a sweet promotion at my job. Instead of being happy and celebrating with me, my boyfriend broke up with me because he is jealous that I'm more successful than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 381

You deserved it 2 661

By thechaos - 15/12/2014 22:24 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 529

You deserved it 4 220

By whatarethisss - 29/01/2016 16:20 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had to teach my 16-year-old brother how to use a toaster. He thought you just plug it in and wait for it to "pre-heat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 902

You deserved it 1 676

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 23:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 727

You deserved it 32 171

Stop it already

By soccer8goalie - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Parkersburg

Today, I was punched in the face because my uncontrollable hiccups were "annoying". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 980

You deserved it 4 668

A cute Christmas Eve story

By EpicOracle - 24/12/2021 22:01 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I realised I'm tired of the bossy attitude exuded by the woman who I once believed was my soulmate. Tonight might just be the last night we'd sleep on same bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 165

By OhDear - 24/02/2011 20:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 736

You deserved it 5 071

The more things change…

By J.O.S - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, airport security took away my 32$ eyelash curler, because it could be used as a weapon. I miss the '90s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 073

You deserved it 9 501

By clapping_for_you - 14/12/2018 12:30

Today, in a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it... FML...

I agree, your life sucks 3 166

You deserved it 376

By scorned_jacketless_lady - 26/08/2013 04:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 259

You deserved it 16 546

By questionmark707 - 12/04/2012 23:53 - United States - Fullerton

Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 270

You deserved it 7 239

By Nemo - 11/06/2017 12:00

Today, I got an e-mail from a company saying that I would not be a good fit for them. Strangely, it's quite similar to an e-mail they sent me last month. And the month before. They aren't generated e-mails, each one is different. They just e-mail me every month to remind me that I suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 196

You deserved it 256

By ramis182 - 27/03/2012 00:17 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 492

You deserved it 4 660

By Username - 23/08/2011 15:55 - United States

Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 731

You deserved it 4 978

By that_culinary_degree_though - 13/05/2014 02:46 - United States - Auburn

Today, my mom invited me over yet again so I could practice my culinary degree by making an exquisite, gourmet meal for her dog; a three year old Pomeranian who pees in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 298

You deserved it 5 120

By teaspoonzz - 25/10/2017 15:00

Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 548

You deserved it 267

By NotALady - 15/12/2016 22:20

Today, I was at a gas station when I got a bad stomach ache. I clenched my cheeks together and rushed to the nearest bathroom. Twenty minutes and a clogged toilet later, I exited the one-person bathroom to a line of very angry women. I had run into the wrong restroom. One of them threw a tampon at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 348

You deserved it 1 617

The joys of motherhood

By Walaa Hamdan - 31/08/2021 04:01

Today, after a 3-day induced delivery for my twins, and after getting stitches down there, I woke up to boobs that are the size of footballs, and still no milk coming out. The pain of chopping them off at this point would be more bearable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 94

By EmbarrassedDaughter - 23/05/2010 07:27 - Canada

Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in saying "Thats an expensive bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 580

You deserved it 10 541

Telenovela FML

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 04:02

Today, my sister announced she’s pregnant with my husband’s baby. The worst part? It was a plot for revenge against me. She lied about being on birth control to baby trap him. The crime? Me beating her at our high school beauty pageant. Ten years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 105

By college estudiata - 27/06/2015 00:57

Today, I realized I need to get my life together after spilling ramen while taking a bath, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 110

You deserved it 7 382

By C2 - 17/01/2009 23:17 - Australia

Today, at a party, I watched the guy I've liked for AGES come out of a bedroom with one of my gay male friends. They were in there for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 299

You deserved it 3 119

By Anonymous - 04/04/2012 17:45 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when his sister knocked on the door and asked if she could borrow the zombie movie we were watching after we were done with it. We weren't watching a movie; I was just moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 332

You deserved it 34 473

Take the L

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 04:58 - United States - Chester

Today, it's both my 28th birthday and New Year’s Eve. Even though it's a Friday, tonight’s big plans are frozen pizza and going to bed early. I live with my parents and even they are going out tonight, leaving me to watch the dog. Happy Birthday, loser! FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 236

Silver linings

By see lie - 31/07/2019 16:00

Today, we recently found out I'm infertile, and I thought we were both devastated, until my partner posted a drunk video to Facebook, basically celebrating that we will never have, "crying, nappy-shitting, soul-sucking, bank account-draining little sods." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 205

You deserved it 340

By Anonymous - 24/07/2015 02:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 197

You deserved it 4 296

By vistingherfamily - 25/11/2011 02:09 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's family. Her mother wants us to stay in separate bedrooms, and I was happy to oblige since I'm staying at their house. But because there isn't an extra room, we have to stay together. Upon entering the house, her mom searched our bags for condoms and birth-control pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 686

You deserved it 3 344

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 19:51 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 526

You deserved it 6 746

By marisacb - 13/03/2013 18:52 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 242

You deserved it 7 695

By ouch - 16/04/2013 16:17 - United States - Nashville

Today, for the fifth time since my parents got divorced, my father has decided he doesn't want to pick me up for his weekend because I'm "too responsible to have fun with." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 150

You deserved it 6 076

By coolchicka05 - 06/10/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, I chose to wear khaki dress pants to class to look professional. I was in the hallway when one of my professors pulled me aside to ask if I was feeling well. Apparently, the dryer had "eaten" my pants and made a large brown stain on the butt, making it look like I had crapped myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 829

You deserved it 9 728

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Top comments

cheesecakex 5

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:01

I get really tired in dark places too, probably best to go home and nap as opposed to the cinema.

WCARlover 34

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:02

wow what a waste of money to pay for a movie you didn't even watch

lexeous 4

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Sunday 19 June 2011 1:59

At least they woke you up.

ashleydg 7

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:00

yeah right? that's what I was thinking. they could have just left them there.

WCARlover 34

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:04

yeah forreal, they couldve left you locked in there

Iamnotmyself 17

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:06

You were watching the documentary on decomposing elephants again. God that is one boring movie.

eminemchick 19

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:13

i would make a relevant comment but 1's picture is so mesmerizing...

flockz 19

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:19

usher's point of view- " Today i woke up a fat ass that engulfed himself in sugary snacks. Then i worked an hour overtime to clean up his mess. FML" dont feel too bad op your life is the only one that sucks. lol

mello111 1

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:23

yea I agree with you atleast th usher woke you up!!

flockz 19

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:48

*isn't* just realized my comment didnt make sense haha

L3Paparazzo 7

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Sunday 19 June 2011 4:13

OP went to the movies alone ? FYL

muselover23 0

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Sunday 19 June 2011 5:01

that and you got a nap?

SpeakingMyMind 0

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Sunday 19 June 2011 5:44

52 - You can't take the 'toys' with you everywhere, or people would stare! Or so I've heard...

a_nutritionist 10

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Sunday 19 June 2011 6:08

agree, they woke you up, wheres the fml? today you fell asleep by accident? who gives a shit?

cheesecakex 5

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:01

I get really tired in dark places too, probably best to go home and nap as opposed to the cinema.

SirObvious 1

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:12

you'd be fun to have over:| jk and I hope it's a girl:)

theten_fml 9

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Sunday 19 June 2011 8:29

mmm cinema

zozohearts 0

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Sunday 19 June 2011 9:42

I always fall asleep at the cinema. It sucks because the movie would be really good and I'd be loaded with nachos, popcorn, soda and candy. Lol I guess I'm like o.p.

peakcheer 2

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Monday 20 June 2011 0:18

when did people start saying cinema?

Princessx3Jamie 0

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Monday 17 October 2011 18:22

It sucks you were at a movie alone in the first place :(

WCARlover 34

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:02

wow what a waste of money to pay for a movie you didn't even watch

turtlemansam 6

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Sunday 19 June 2011 3:04

At least he got a good nap out of it

johnnie254 7

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Sunday 19 June 2011 3:11

nice pic lol @4

kaengle 5

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Sunday 19 June 2011 5:30

I was thinking the same thing!(;

YacL 15

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Sunday 19 June 2011 7:00

Not to mention all the junk food. Poor OP.

sephoraprincess 7

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Sunday 19 June 2011 7:31

well, he could take the food home ;D

Garytt 0

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Sunday 19 June 2011 8:51

why waste money on movies at all? there are tons of online movie sites :D

alissa222 15

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Sunday 19 June 2011 9:44

Looks like it was a waste of money to MAKE the movie, it sounds dreadfully boring.

fireball941 6

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:04

why go?

Ranimal 12

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:30

It's not like he planned on falling asleep...

CJ77NT 0

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:05

how was the movie?

MrSassypants 32

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:32

If I was OP I would tell you because I can see through my eyes... -__-

XxHunterHavocxX 0

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:45

haha win ^^^

CJ77NT 0

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:57

sarcasm....ever heard of it? cuz thts what I was using.

MrSassypants 32

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Sunday 19 June 2011 5:21

60 I actually kinda was but I meant eyelids. ^_^

smurfsarwales 9

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Sunday 19 June 2011 13:56

ahahaha now 37 go die

CJ77NT 0

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Sunday 19 June 2011 17:22

108........fuck off lol

codyfranta 0

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Sunday 19 June 2011 19:04

fail.

YayFlameWarz 9

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Sunday 19 June 2011 23:45

woah there champ, easy now. We're all friends here

CJ77NT 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 1:34

ELE everybody love everybody

loverBall 0

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:08

ahaha wow thats embarrasing and a waste of money should have went home ydi.!

InvaderAmi 4

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Sunday 19 June 2011 10:08

How is that embarrassing? People fall asleep during movies all the time.

zimandme123 0

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:09

I dont get it??? y is that so bad??

J352SAURUS 30

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Friday 1 June 2018 10:35

OP paid for a movie but fell asleep so he/she essentially paid to take a nap in a public place. The food wasn't really a waste of money because I'm sure he/she could still eat it after waking up (unless it was spilled everywhere). But yeah, paying for a product that was not received because of one's own fault.