Love: Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering...

By ohbiebjetaime - 30/06/2012 20:09 - France

Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 759

You deserved it 3 228

Love

Batman

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Mama's boy

Touching story

By Kahlilah Kilgore - 20/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 246

You deserved it 544

By radiationkillz - 21/03/2011 04:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought several bottles of Potassium Iodine pills and a gas mask, due to the radiation scare from Japan. We live in Texas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 199

You deserved it 7 277

By NoorFML - 19/10/2012 14:37 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 165

You deserved it 2 024

By Thepunchline - 11/08/2010 09:19 - United Kingdom

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 142

You deserved it 4 202

By promposer - 04/04/2016 18:55 - United States - Dobbs Ferry

Today, I asked a girl to prom by having 5 friends hold up signs saying "P-R-O-M-?" while I snuck up behind her. She said yes... to my friend holding the "?", who she thought was the one asking her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 561

You deserved it 4 456

By thatshelpful - 02/07/2015 04:16 - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 703

You deserved it 1 767

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 23:19 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 466

You deserved it 6 068

By BurnedDown - 28/10/2014 20:45 - United Kingdom - Bridlington

Today, I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with my husband, so I set up some Halloween torches to create a wild ambiance. Unfortunately our dickhead neighbours saw the glow, didn't remember that fire tends to give off smoke, and called the fire department on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 391

You deserved it 7 740

Parental approval

By Conor Moreau - 18/08/2020 23:02

Today, I left my favorite hoodie in the kitchen. Not 5 seconds after I left the kitchen to go to my room, I overheard my dad say, "Any chance we can just throw that out before he notices?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 386

By Anonymous - 09/05/2013 19:12 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my boyfriend bought me a silver necklace. I have a silver allergy, but I thanked him anyway and encouraged him to return it. I found out later that he knew about my allergy all along and bought it on purpose so he could return it, get a refund, and still look good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 292

You deserved it 5 000

By atleastwedidntdie - 02/09/2017 23:15

Today, I was supposed to be sipping margaritas on a beach in Mexico. Too bad we only made it 37 miles before getting in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 470

You deserved it 276

By Anonymous - 03/06/2015 01:34 - United States - West Chester

Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 345

You deserved it 4 312

Backwards

By twilight zone - 09/09/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I was actually criticized for giving my kids scientific answers to their questions, instead of dumb downed fairytales. Gotta love the public school system, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 118

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 520

By screwed - 10/02/2013 10:41 - United States

Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 465

You deserved it 4 267

By terdberglerforlyfe - 07/12/2014 20:54 - Brazil - Mogi Das Cruzes

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 4 366

By Shepaintsmusic - 29/12/2010 06:50

Today, an antiques dealer made a joke about chopping off and buying my deformed left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 072

You deserved it 2 806

By sickofthisshit - 02/07/2016 16:43 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 152

You deserved it 1 013

By streeted - 18/09/2010 14:27 - United States

Today, after selling some furniture and jewelry to make the rent this month, I woke up to find a foreclosure notice. The landlord hasn't paid the mortgage in 6 months, so I'm evicted anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 263

You deserved it 2 277

By Anonymous - 10/07/2009 21:59 - Iraq

Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 760

You deserved it 4 264

By the fish - 30/01/2019 04:00

Today, I started this show and was really confused what was happening until I realized I accidentally started from the last episode so I basically ruined the whole show for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 1 269

By Ben - 21/08/2009 21:28 - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 161

You deserved it 4 685

Can't wait for the next time

By cowboy_gold - 25/01/2020 05:00

Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 475

By conbon123 - 29/04/2013 07:20 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 042

You deserved it 3 436

By vanessa_d15 - 09/11/2009 07:55 - Canada

Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 721

You deserved it 6 639

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 08:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me via text message. The sad thing is that I left my fiancée of 5 years to be with a girl I worked with at Walmart. My ex-fiancée is now a doctor. I still work at Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 304

You deserved it 111 681

After shower

By Anonymous - 17/01/2020 20:00

Today, my sister snuck into the bathroom while I was in the shower (the locks broke) and took my clothes and towels. I came out and quickly went to my room. As I went in, my sister was sitting on my bed with two friends watching TV. I instantly covered up, but they saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 612

You deserved it 288

By Crappyfayman - 23/02/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said "Not in a million years, fat ass" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 641

You deserved it 3 573

By worried - 16/08/2011 13:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 674

You deserved it 55 198

By Not-so-sexy - 04/12/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 245

You deserved it 6 814

By Daughter of a Dork - 14/09/2018 17:30 - United States - New York

Today, my dad demanded that I break up with my cheating boyfriend. With that revelation, I did some investigating on my own. The other woman is apparently my boyfriend's "cute little" Marshadow that slaughtered my dad's "godlike" Incineroar in a 3DS battle they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 714

You deserved it 238

By Anonymous - 09/12/2018 22:00

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it despite working full time and I part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 168

You deserved it 326

By clairebear104 - 19/09/2014 03:15 - United States - Louisville

Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 131

You deserved it 4 080

By jailbirdlove - 11/10/2010 01:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 612

You deserved it 4 257

By Anonymous - 04/12/2014 19:33 - United States

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 486

You deserved it 3 276

So shite

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 18:00

Today, my date left the restaurant because I didn’t agree with his opinions about the mentally disabled or mixed race couples, etc. Basically, a real scumbag. He also left me the bill, and it turned out he had all the most expensive menu items, including a £120 bottle of wine. It cost over £300 total. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 323

Drive

By fmbadluck - 29/10/2020 12:01 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I set a new record: two fender benders in less than 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 382

By twiggy24 - 05/02/2012 02:51 - United States

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 241

You deserved it 42 415

By Anonymous - 19/10/2012 02:49 - Canada - Regina

Today, after being totally in love with a guy since middle school, I finally had enough self confidence to go and talk to him. Turns out he's boring as fuck. I obsessed over this guy for nearly 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 969

You deserved it 37 098

By FattestUgliestPerson - 18/01/2014 09:45 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 897

You deserved it 7 626

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Top comments

aFieryFairytale 2

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:13

1-800-Restraining-Order. FYL, indeed.

theneatoburrito 8

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:15

You should've just changed all of your information in his phone, and changed your number to a sex hotline. That would freak him out a bit. But FYL, OP.

aFieryFairytale 2

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:13

1-800-Restraining-Order. FYL, indeed.

airforce987 20

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:14

That has way too many digits for a phone number.

stef108 3

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:30

This makes no sense, why would he have even let her use his phone knowing he already had her contact info in there? He should've known she'd figure it out. Unless he was drunk and forgot that he's a creeper.....

mango260 9

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:41

My guess is facebook, because it is really easy to find a persons' name from friends etc and you type it in and if op profile is not private bingo! You can find out where that person lives, work, phone nimber etc you'll be surprised of the amount of people whose profile isn't private. Not that I'm a stalker or anything ;D

muzy 23

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:43

I wonder if he did the creep at the party.

kyleekay 25

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:44

1- That's a really long phone number.

xlasernoobsx 0

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Sunday 1 July 2012 3:26

You know, smart phones linked to social networking sites automatically do that.

littlejx_fml 7

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Sunday 1 July 2012 3:55

Hey I just met you and this is crazy but you have my number so delete it maybe

heyguysitsjosh 8

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Sunday 1 July 2012 4:46

1-800-restraining-order isn't a real number.

eggmarie 25

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Sunday 1 July 2012 6:05

Impatiently awaiting the day the "Call Me Maybe" meme dies.

vic55jets 13

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Sunday 1 July 2012 6:34

U must be a natural blond

RussianFox 13

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Sunday 1 July 2012 6:55

85- What does OP's natural hair color have to do with the situation?

burninnapalm 5

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Sunday 1 July 2012 7:34

Or maybe they met each other at a party before, but were too drunk to remember she gave him her number and pic?

hama806 19

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Sunday 1 July 2012 8:53

Clearly a joke. Like 1800-EAT-SHIT.

Oreohugzpenny 4

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Sunday 1 July 2012 18:56

RUN!!!!!!!

aFieryFairytale 2

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Sunday 1 July 2012 22:38

/coulda had a V8.

aFieryFairytale 2

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Monday 2 July 2012 1:41

My last comment was for #66.

YouKnowThatGuy 3

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Thursday 5 July 2012 19:24

That song is over used

tennisrapper1 14

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:14

Maybe he's part of the CIA, or the secret service. :P

kyleekay 25

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Sunday 1 July 2012 3:14

So... Big Brother really is watching us?! *hides in tinfoil-lined bomb shelter* ;)

boating_guy 33

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Sunday 1 July 2012 3:40

I wouldn't entirely rule it out, but she is in France. FYL OP

bennetts211 2

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Sunday 1 July 2012 4:13

I think this is a feature of Facebook mobile, actually. If he's a friend of yours (on Facebook), and your mobile number is on Facebook, some phones automatically link them. Or he could be a stalker. Both situations are plausible, I suppose.

tennisrapper1 14

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Sunday 1 July 2012 4:56

Like the CIA hasn't been to France... xD

mars13_fml 8

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Sunday 1 July 2012 5:57

Lol! The CIA people make the best stalkers :)

LaughinStock 16

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Sunday 1 July 2012 9:52

Wow thanks to 56 I learned something new, I've been living under a rock. Although, a feature like that is pretty crazy. **The More You Know** :D

theneatoburrito 8

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:15

You should've just changed all of your information in his phone, and changed your number to a sex hotline. That would freak him out a bit. But FYL, OP.

Inheritance 10

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Sunday 1 July 2012 3:01

OP has a secret admirer, a sketchy one at that..

Donqueesha 0

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Sunday 1 July 2012 22:44

DONT B HATE ON MY GAY FRIENDS

downtime 12

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Monday 2 July 2012 3:38

...Except he obviously never calls the number or she would know about it.

LMFAOallthetime 8

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:15

Walking away slowly now....

noelykins1 19

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Tuesday 3 July 2012 6:00

It's not as bad as it seems. They could of been unknowing Facebook friends and certain phones collect all the information from the Facebook app on your phone and put it into your phone. He might of known he had her number. Source: experience.

jesspie 8

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:15

that's creepy... *shudder*

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Sunday 1 July 2012 5:31

You don't say?

tnttse 6

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:15

Maybe he's drunk and forgot he met you

Redox127 7

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:50

OP would have remembered giving him her number and him taking a picture of her?

galt 13

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:16

Delete the contact or ask him why your contact is already in there

kyleekay 25

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Sunday 1 July 2012 3:16

That is FAR too reasonable to be a comment on FML. How dare you! ;)

onlychildFTW 33

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Sunday 1 July 2012 20:10

Yeah just delete it or change the number and get the hell out of their. And get rid of the photo too.

mea_iloveskiing 26

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:16

Charlie harper always gives the number of chinese dry clean :)

Cowboy1986 4

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Sunday 1 July 2012 12:18

Winning!!!!

Shadowvoid 33

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Sunday 1 July 2012 17:30

I do believe the actor you are looking for is Charlie Sheen. Charlie Harper is just a made up character silly.

thgiL 9

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Sunday 1 July 2012 23:43

133- but the character is the one that does it... Also it's By-Winning!!!

totalnewbeeee 1

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Sunday 1 July 2012 2:17

Just ask him why your picture and name was in there, you'll be able to tell if it is a legitament reason. I find fhis really creepy by the way, but if you find he is stalking you call the police

TheGewt 7

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Sunday 1 July 2012 16:35

With iPhones, if you are friends with them on Facebook and have their number, you can go into settings and use their profile picture as a contact picture.