Miscellaneous: Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence... - FML

By ohjoy - United States

Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence around his gated community because he'd left his keys. He made it. I didn’t. My shorts caught on the top of the fence, so I was forced to dangle there on a busy street until my Dad came and helped. But only after taking a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11024

You deserved it

34453

Tweet

Share

Dementia or hate? You decide

Broken bum

Reliable

By Fangirl#1

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2424

You deserved it

300

Tweet

Share

By maidmyday - United States

Today, I started a new job as a maid. As I was cleaning the master bedroom's en-suite bathroom, the owners of the house came in and started making love. I was too scared to admit I was there, but after there was silence for a few minutes I thought it might be safe to leave. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56691

You deserved it

7671

Tweet

Share

By Asdf649 - Canada - Burlington

Today, at my wedding, my husband's drunk friend admitted that the only reason my husband and I started dating was because he was dared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30394

You deserved it

2631

Tweet

Share

By Wtfbruhimmovingout - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23331

You deserved it

5488

Tweet

Share

By Toolmaker

Today, we got the bill from our lawyer. She'd recommended taking my common-law wife's ex-husband to court for child support, so we went to court and won. The judge awarded us over $8300! The bill came to $18,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2824

You deserved it

635

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/8/2020 08:01

Gig economy

Today, I remembered that I chose my career of the last decade because, unlike my job in the dying newspaper industry, "concerts aren’t going anywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1403

You deserved it

146

Tweet

Share

By daughter - Sweden - V?rg?rda

Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29660

You deserved it

2288

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, a thirty-something guy swaggered into my workplace. He was wearing shutter shades and torn jeans, and claimed to be our new boss. I called security to throw him out, at which point he produced his ID and let me know I'd be attending an employee review session next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26795

You deserved it

8116

Tweet

Share

By banned - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46083

You deserved it

7723

Tweet

Share

By hello higher premiums, fuckwad - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was driving down a one-way street, when some raging dumbass came screaming the wrong way down the road at me. My instant reaction was to brake and give the guy a chance to do the same. His instant reaction was to keep going and wreck my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43917

You deserved it

3050

Tweet

Share

By msj137 - United States

Today, I had a softball tournament which also landed on my birthday. My dad had to leave town for work, so he left me a card on my night stand. Instead of a happy birthday, all it said was 'Don't mess up the game for everyone'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46073

You deserved it

2830

Tweet

Share

By Aled - United Kingdom

Today, I found my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37749

You deserved it

3311

Tweet

Share

By MomStayOutOfTheCar - United States

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26908

You deserved it

2009

Tweet

Share

By ouch. - United States - Stamford

Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2640

You deserved it

327

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Jamestown

Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20341

You deserved it

3504

Tweet

Share

By walkingdead_1029 - United States - Peoria

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68680

You deserved it

6439

Tweet

Share

By Natasha - United States - Seattle

Today, I got so desperate for cash that I decided to start selling my used panties online. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25626

You deserved it

7222

Tweet

Share

By in big trouble - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had an argument with my boss and tried to text a friend about it. I accidentally texted my boss instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36345

You deserved it

25879

Tweet

Share

By tishihish - United States

Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29866

You deserved it

2799

Tweet

Share

By me - United States - Katy

Today, we had a surprise test at school. I was totally unprepared for any of it, so I BSd the whole thing and turned it in. A few minutes later, our teacher said we were allowed to use our notes to finish the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19594

You deserved it

5901

Tweet

Share

By Robert - United States - Anchorage

Today, I had another lucid dream. Like every time I lucid dream, I immediately started having tons of dream sex. That would've been fine if I hadn't been taking a nap on the living room couch in the middle of the day. The entire family heard my squirming and moaning and saw me nut my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7512

You deserved it

2592

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62559

You deserved it

9261

Tweet

Share

By misstree - Singapore

Today, I got annoyed with my mum stopping in her tracks each time she needed to reply to a text message. I tried to show her that you can walk and text at the same time. I ended up falling into a drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10461

You deserved it

54760

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36533

You deserved it

12864

Tweet

Share

By spougeineye1 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I realized that due to my obsession with House MD, I seem to have subconsciously developed a limp in my right leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9297

You deserved it

29823

Tweet

Share

By Belgian girl - United States - Lewes

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5268

You deserved it

693

Tweet

Share

By wtfjusthappened - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66613

You deserved it

12965

Tweet

Share

By Amey - United States

Today, while watching TV, I danced, sang along, and helped Dora the Explorer get to her Grandmother's house. It was the most fun I've had all year. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62251

You deserved it

29321

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42721

You deserved it

2578

Tweet

Share

By Mandy - United States

Today, I finished a drawing that I spent over 14 hours working on for my mom for Mother's Day. I took it outside to seal it with fixative. I took of the clear lid, shook the can, then sprayed red spray paint all over my art. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54617

You deserved it

24613

Tweet

Share

By Allen - United States

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46688

You deserved it

3177

Tweet

Share

By Bethany - United States

Today, I have an orthodontist's appointment, and I told my best friend that I was going to get my teeth fixed. She replied, "Wow, thanks. Your smile's really awful to have to look at." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46167

You deserved it

4366

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/9/2020 00:30 - United States - Savannah

Boundaries

Today, I woke up to my step-mother taking a shower in my bathroom. Of course, this would be fine, if my bathroom wasn't connected to my room and closet, or that I live in an apartment in their back yard, built before she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1301

You deserved it

118

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36683

You deserved it

10931

Tweet

Share

By Mandy - United States

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24866

You deserved it

3983

Tweet

Share

By chumman - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58012

You deserved it

20853

Tweet

Share

By Kat - United States

Today, I was trying out for a play I really wanted to be in. After my audition, I was feeling really good. She said she would post the cast list tomorrow. Not knowing where she would post it, I asked her. Her reply? "It doesn't matter. You won't be on it anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39158

You deserved it

3314

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, in preparation for a third interview for my dream job, I spent an hour selecting the perfect outfit. I hung everything on my bedroom door and went to shower. My dog decided to play tug-of-war with the clothing and redesign the shoes. The only thing to survive unscathed was the hanger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42181

You deserved it

7348

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of the sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House was on. My boyfriend stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69178

You deserved it

15214

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Marietta

Today, I told my dad about my new diet. He somehow figured I was only doing it to look more attractive to guys, because he told me my weight is fine and that it's just my personality that needs work. Thanks a lot, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11336

You deserved it

1690

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Maxine17 | 8

#677623 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:03

How the hell did your friend manage to jump a 7 foot fence?
Pretty damn cool.
As for you...try again?

By jh012 | 0

#677615 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:00

that. is. awesome.

COMMENTS

By jh012 | 0

#677615 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:00

that. is. awesome.

Reply

pepsie_fml | 0

#892872 - Friday 26 February 2010 2:02

that sucks that same thing has happened to me

Reply

showrunner | 0

#918346 - Saturday 6 March 2010 8:21

bull it happened to either of you. you'd have to be the most useless unathletic person to not get yourself down. YDI for being fat

Reply

guitarist410 | 5

#4751797 - Monday 30 July 2012 15:18

You are a dick! Has it ever happened to you? Probably not. So you can't have an opinion about someone or judge someone just because of an accident. I'd bet all of my money if it happened to you, you couldn't get down either. Asshole

Reply

Toasty283 | 8

#5418632 - Sunday 24 March 2013 17:27

Pics or it didn't happen

By Maxine17 | 8

#677623 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:03

How the hell did your friend manage to jump a 7 foot fence?
Pretty damn cool.
As for you...try again?

Reply

aero_fml | 0

#677772 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 18:07

Yeah, I wish I could jump a 7 foot anything..

Oh, and pics or it didn't happen

Reply

justmyswag | 9

#5602865 - Monday 29 July 2013 5:58

Obviously her friend was black.

By IronWarrior | 9

#677630 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:07

Although not as epic as hanging from a flagpole by your underpants, still pretty awesome.

By lostfaithinpppl | 19

#677644 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:15

OP, just think about how many people you provided entertainment for while hanging on that fence. That will probably make it worth it ... or not :D

By wellinever | 5

#677665 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:29

We all want to see that picture!

By fragmite | 1

#677673 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:34

why didn't he grab his keys,then let you in? you sound brilliant sir.

By Punkartmama | 0

#677674 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:34

Where is this photo. You are a tease!

By CallMeHush | 0

#677682 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 16:41

ya!!! We want to see the pic!

By morgan020 | 0

#677704 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 17:01

haha your dad is awesome!!

By Ligerie | 0

#677717 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 17:14

I thought gated communities had a code, not a key? And ours has a gate guard that can usually recognize someone who lives there or can ring the residence to make sure they know who you are if they don't recognize you.