This Week’s Top 10 Comments Are In!
10. R.I.P. hairdo formerly known as bangs.
“Hair today gone tomorrow?”
9. You’re not fooling anyone, missy.
Today, at a wedding reception, I accidentally caught the bouquet. I got cussed out by the women who were fighting over it for being uninvited and party crashing. I'm a busgirl and the bouquet only landed on the tray I was holding. FML
“Carrying a tray near the bouquet toss? Could you be any more obvious? You might as well be sporting a cartoonishly huge baseball mitt!”
8. Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Cat Poop Binky.
“Knowing whether or not you actually have a cat could make this FML so much more interesting.”
7. Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!
6. They sell selfie sticks now too.
Today, my neighbor's pesky 7-year-old daughter, who is friends with the guy I really like, decided to help me with him. She used her phone to send him a picture of me. I was in the shower, completely naked and surprised. FML
“It was an odd choice of Fisher Price to make a toy phone with data capabilities and a camera, but they’re sticking with it.”
5. Yeah, dancing with the devil.
“I believe they’re doing that thing the kids call 'dancing””
4. Here’s what I found for “moron”...
“Hey Google, what is the definition of the word ‘moron?’”
3. In other words, you’re the worst.
“You're one of those kids that remind the teacher about the homework that needs to be handed in, aren't you?”
2. Someone’s read it.
“Bear Grylls marriage survival guide”
1. Seriously, though.
“You'd think a cop would know what donut glaze looks like.....”
META COMMENT BONUS ROUND
“I think a blowtorch would work in this case.”
COFFEE BREAK /
HOW TO KEEP COOL WHEN FACING A GRAMMAR NAZI AWARD
Today, I accidentally gave myself a chemical burn. It hurts like hell and I've been told all I can do is wait it out for a few days. The worst part? It's from a reaction to a cream I used all over my chest. I can't wear a shirt without being in immense pain. FML
“Here’s to hoping your a masochist? ?”
- Ghetis 396
“Thanks I commented without caffeine”
I DIDN'T EAT THE PEANUT BUTTER *WOOF* IT WASN'T ME *WOOF* AWARD
Today, a DNA test proved that my 2-month-old daughter isn't mine. The real father is my girlfriend's husband, whom she married last year when she lied to me about going on a vacation. We've been together for three years and I never knew. FML
"This is why I have trust issues with the opposite sex. Hope everything turns out better for you."
"Man I even got trust issues with my dog."