This Sexist Tomb Raider Review Has Pissed Off The Internet

FML. How can Lara Croft possibly run and have small boobs at the same time?

On March 14th, The PhillyVoice posted a review about the latest Tomb Raider adaptation that focued quite a bit on comparing the lead actress's portrayal of Lara Croft to that of Angelina Jolie's. The problem, however, was that the author seemed to put a lot of weight on the physical differences between the two actresses, even saying that Vikander lacks the "sex appeal" required to play Croft.

Thank you, man, for having an opinion on what is and what is not empowering for women, but I think we'll take it from here. Having different representations of female body types challenges the idea that women are only sexy if they're shaped like an hourglass. Women of all shapes and body types being represented on screen is exactly what's empowering for women-- not just the cookie cutter version of women you wish you'd see on the big screen and in real life. 

And what's that? The movie wouldn't have been any diffrerent had there been a man playing the lead role? I.e., you personally not being attracted to Vikander's body type then made her to you, no different than a man? It wasn't painfully obvious that this role was written for a female lead rather than a male? There weren't enough gender stereotypes? Perhaps at some point Lara Croft should have broken a nail, or had a good cry for the role to have been believably female. Sorry that the whole point of the film did not revolve around the fact that Lara Croft has a vagina, but possibly, (and now, just go with me here...) that is the whole fucking point. 

Truthfully, there is so much more to say, but we're gonna hand it over to Twitter, where everyone took that opportunity already and eloquently killed it:

After all the backlash, the review was edited with and republished with an editors note saying "This review previously made references to Vikander's appearance in comparison to Angelina Jolie. After consideration, we have removed that mention." 

Smart move, guys. But incase you weren't over reading these "WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT" tweets, then please enjoy a few more of hilarious ones:

In conclusion, we all know Lara Croft was your first wet dream and we're sorry that this Lara Croft did not fit your 14 year-old-boy spank bank fantasy, but we've moved on to including all female bodytypes in media these days. FML for you. 

By nadine / Monday 26 March 2018 14:54 /
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Top comments
By  newwitch2010  |  11

Has this misogynistic POS even bothered to play the new games? They focus more on lara's survival powers and intelligence rather than her measurments and they are amazing. This reviewer should really STFU.

By  newwitch2010  |  11

Has this misogynistic POS even bothered to play the new games? They focus more on lara's survival powers and intelligence rather than her measurments and they are amazing. This reviewer should really STFU.

By  Zekfen  |  17

1. Vikander is hot
2. She is a very smart young woman
3. I thought she was perfect to fit for the role based on the new games
4. If your idea of a perfect woman is Jolie, you need to get your eye prescription checked, if plastic is what you like buy a sex doll.

  Nadine  |  21

Shaming one woman to uplift another one doesn't do any good. Both Jolie and Vikander are stunning women in different ways. If you don't find Jolie personally attractive and you're shaming her for it, then isn't that no better than what the movie critic was doing?

By  Lobby_Bee  |  17

I saw the new Tomb Raider and I loved it even though I grew up with Angelina playing her in movies. The differences between is that Alicia's depiction of Laura is more realistic compared to Angelina's Laura. She actually looks like she has got the body to do those jumps and stunts.

By  DarkStorm2Bad  |  14

Focusing so much on the presence or lack of sex appeal (subjective as it is) really detracts from the point of what Tomb Raider is all about. The original game didn't even have a major focus on Lara's sex appeal. Yeah, she's definitely a curvaceous character, but the closest anyone in-game comes to showing any sexual interest is in the opening scene where Larson says: "What's a man gotta do to get that kind of attention from ya?" - other than that, it's all business. Raid the tombs; find the artefacts; kill or be killed. Lara's sex appeal did become more emphasised in sequels when people inevitably took notice, but the way I see it the games would have still been fun regardless of Lara's figure, gender, or favourite breed of kitten. The Uncharted series can be classified by some as "Tomb Raider with a bloke instead", but that series is doing rather well, I dare say.

That being said, I think Tomb Raider films would work better as CG features; not necessarily due to it being easier to replicate Lara's looks, rather due to the fact that live-action game adaptations rarely work. Just look at how awesome the CG Resident Evil films are compared to the live-action ones. Don't even get me started on the Street Fighter movie...