The Best of the Worst of FML #89

Here's a selection of some of the worst, unpublishable FMLs we've received over the years. Read them and weep!

Hello everyone! It's a new month, so here's FML's monthly Best of the Worst of FML!

Even more proof that the internet is full of people who can claim that reality is stranger than fiction.

This is the June 2020 edition, which is in no way weirder than the state of the world at the moment. We need a break from reality, so for the people who've never seen this section of FML before, we get sent loads of FMLs, but we only publish a few, due to the fact that most aren't very good, and some are downright terrifying. Amongst those, we also get sent very stupid stories. Or "WHAT IS THIS EVEN?" as I like to call them. That's what we post in this feature.

Now, get ready, be prepared.
 

 

Spinner

Today,I was opening to a site that starts with x and end with x so my mom found out but it was lucky spinner and I got grounded.FML

 

Hoodies

Today, In order to see my girlfriend i need my dads permission but he hated her so he said no reason he hates her? she wears hoodies so shes dark inside and weird and lets not forget not very livelya he met her once and doesnt know her i havent seen her in months because of long distance FML

 

Born again

My long time friend became the love of my life but then got put in jail and Soon as I decided to marry him he gets put in the hole for the rest of his sentence and I’ve been waiting 2 years to have sex ... I’m a born again virgin now :(

 

Going long

Today, So now it has been over a year since I had a girlfriend, and I have hated every second. I just have no desire to do anything by myself, so just spend most of my time wasting it. Anything I do is just like tasting shit in your mouth. People ask how are you, and what do you say...really do you say that I have been isolated most of my like, I hate it, not only do I want to die, I wish I had never suffered this miserable life. Or---life is short so you should enjoy it...how...if enjoyment needs some one in my life. Life for me is way to long. The joy has not been worth the pain. If something bad happens to me, its consequences pale to my being alone. Just like the song Dock of the Bay, people tell me Oh all you have to do is this, get a hobby (and of course it just makes me feel isolated doing it alone), you have to love yourself before any one else will. What BS--Why should I love myself if nobody else does.. FML

 

BIKES!

Today when i was in an emergency work of going out but i needed a bike i asked more then 10 friends of mine they told that they dont have bike even they have a bike i was helpless and failed at my work who told that "a friend in need is a friend indeed" its wrong FML

 

Uberised

So my Uber driver last night asked me why I was going out so late ( 12am ) I began to tell her I’m officially on vacation and that “ HENNEYTHING CAN HAPPEN AFTER 12“ . Then I asked her what does she do for a living ? and Her response was “ I’m a Alochol and drug counselor for a rehab “. ?

 

Return to sender

Today ... my sister and i were in the drive through At Whataburger well i have the table numbers in my car a whole stack of them i was grabbing the drinks and she throws them at me and says “ here how about you return these “ the look on that lady’s face was priceless however i was so embarrassedFML

 

Going long #2

Today, So a few weeks ago I really didn’t felt like going to school u know so I decided not to and since I’m the first person who wakes up in our house there wasn’t really a problem but I couldn’t sleep so I decided to go to our hall and go through my phone but then my sister woke up and somehow at that moment I thought it would be a good idea to hide behind the curtain so that she couldn’t see me but then after a while my brother and his friend came and started talking but after some time passed my brother’s friend saw something moving behind the curtains and guess what happened? They found me. So Even though I didn’t get into any trouble to that my brother used to remind me of that ACCIDENT in front of EVERYONE for TWO WHOLE WEEK and it was humiliating and I wanted to jump out of the window even damn time so like yeah FML.

 

Pop culture

One day, I fell asleep in class until my teacher told me to wake up, then I jokingly said The Wizard of Oz reference, "I had a dream and you were in it, and you were in it, and you and you," while pointing my finger to random people, including the teacher, and they all took it seriously.

 

God smiteth ye

Today.. after fighting with my girlfriend and her break up with me after three years.. over who's alarm was going off. I call my sister- my only best friend for help and she tells me maybe it's just meant to be BC in the Bible I'm not suppose to be with a woman anyway. She's my only Friend.. I thought. FML

 

That's it for now. We'll be back in July for some more weirdness, because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself while they are being sent in by using the Moderate the FMLs feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird stories to try and get them published in here, it won't work. We can spot the phonies!

Take care!

 

 

 

 

 

Bonus track - this is how I feel when reading some FMLs we get sent
  

Grossed out

Today I almost puked my guts out from info alone that's not even relevent to my life but it's on my social FML!

By Alan / Wednesday 3 June 2020 10:13 /
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Top comments
By  RichardPencil  |  28

The "number" system has no beginning and no end. Zero is the point where negative turns to positive. Numerals are just symbols used to represent numbers, so the idea of a "numeral" system is nonsense.

COMMENTS
By  RichardPencil  |  28

The "number" system has no beginning and no end. Zero is the point where negative turns to positive. Numerals are just symbols used to represent numbers, so the idea of a "numeral" system is nonsense.