The Best of the Worst of FML #84

Here's a selection of some of the worst, unpublishable FMLs we've received over the years. Read them and weep!

Hello everyone! It's the the first Monday of the month, so here's FML's monthly Best of the Worst!

Even more proof that the internet is full of people who can claim that reality is stranger than fiction.

For the people who've never seen this section of FML before, we get sent loads of FMLs, but we only publish a few, due to the fact that most aren't very good, and some are downright terrifying. Amongst those, we also get sent very dumbass stories. Or "dregs" as I like to call them. That's what we post in this feature.

Now, get ready, be prepared.
 

 

Bitches

Today, my bitches and I are very happy. I pretend to be an angel who lost her wings in a hammock. Just when they pushed me, I didn't hold it steady so my face fell straight on the ground. Now I am sitting in the hospital because of loose teeth. FML

 

Praying

Today, FML because every one around me is trying to make me so mad that im having evil thoughts they want me to go to jail my problem is i think ppl want me to fight for my respect they don't treat me how i treat them they try there heardest to make me go to jail dude but thank God i pray a lot i mean a lot.

 

Eggs

Today, Yesterday I choked my chicken until some sperm eggs came out and I forgot it was No Nut November. FML.

 

Floored

Today I started the keto diet and It got nocked on the floor

 

Justin

Today, I thought about how obsessive I was about Justin Bieber to the point I was delirious and thought I had a chance with him. I don't know what was going on in my head, but I took some MEDs. Everyone knows I'm crazy. FUCK MY LIFE I'm so embarrassed. FML

 

Boys, boys, boys

So yesterday me and some people in my school were talking about Tokyo Ghoul: re and suddenly one dude say "But Toru is a boy or a girl?" we told him he was a dude and he said "Fuck, I masturbated with him" my friend and I couldn't stop laughing

 

Why, Colby, why?

Why doesn’t Colby Brock love me I’ve spent 2 years of my life trying to get him to notice he is secretly in love with me and yet still no engagement ring. Gawd my life sucks. FML.

 

Squeezage

Today I have seen no squeezage. Literally the worst.

 

Taytay

Today, I went to a Taylor swift concert. I videotaped almost every song, and after when I went to show my mom, you could barely hear her singing over the loud sound of me crying. Now my mom keeps calling me a “ pussy bitch”. Coming from the women who cried while watching Beverly Hills chihuahua. FML

 

Sinners

I keep thinking you're joking about the church thing. You've obliterated most of the ten commandments. Hopefully you've prayed for your sins, and mine too, since it's all your fault. FML.

 

That's it for now. We'll be back next month for some more weirdness, because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself while they are being sent in by using the Moderate the FMLs feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird stories to try and get them published in here, it won't work. We can spot the phonies!

Take care!

 

 

 

 

 

Bonus track - we get this once a day:
  

Fuck us all

Today fml moderators keep ignoring my stories. Screw you! I'm insulted that none have been posted. FUCK YOUALL AND THIS SITE? LOSERS!

By Alan / Monday 5 August 2019 11:22 /
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