The Best of the Worst of FML #39

Here's another selection of the worst FMLs we've received over the years. Read them and weep.

For the people who've never seen this section of FML before, we get sent loads of FMLs, but we only publish a few, due to the fact that most aren't very good, and some are downright terrifying. Amongst those, we also get sent very dumbass stories. Or "turdcakes" as I like to call them. That's what we post in this feature. Now, brace yourself, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

 Story of my life 

Today I wanted bread. But there was no bread. FML 

honka honka 

I saw my ex while I was with my boyfriend it was awkward when we were on the plane then my ex grabbed my breasts and gave a weird smile I was pissed off FML

Nando's Nirvana 

so I want to tell people why working at a fast food resturaunt gives you a subtle hatred for humanity. not enough to cause a mass genocide of the race, no. but this subtle nature of hatred isn't even apart of me. I myself am a Buddhist and dont believe in such a thing.


Today was telling my crush, about another female friend who went on a date with someone. Her date told her that she looked like a "HOT MILF" when she was 18 isn't a mother. My crush is Swedish and can't speak English well. She thought I was wanting my mother sexually and now wont talk to me. FML.

poor me 

I got scrwd, used, abused by my luv n harassed by her frnds n her bf n her stalker later she got pregnant by that asshole n he left her even then I begd him but he said fuck off after using her I bcam a drunk lost my job n evrythng brok my legs n gt cancer n now ppl n my fmly treat me lyk shit FML!!


Today I woke up to someone stabbed my chest and the last thing I saw was the the clock that read 7:18 am. But I was relieved when I woke up but the clock read 7:17 and someone came out of my closet....

swabbin the poop deck 

i pooped and toilet water splashed through the opening between my legs and into my face. to make things worse, i'm a germaphobe. this triggered a mental breakdown.

don't we all, though? 

Today I found a basket ball,I then took a stroll to the lake. Bounced the ball and it landed in the lake. The lake has E.coli. FML

a real nutso 

Today, as I showed my passport to passport control the guy said to me "enjoy your flight " I said "you too" he looked at me like I was nuts! FML


Today, I was gay testerday I was not gay wtf


That's it for now. We'll be back next week for some more weirdness because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself while they are sent in by using the Moderate the FMLs feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird stories to try and get them published in here, it won't work. We can spot the phonies. Take care!



Hit me baby one more time:  

but how?!!?!? 

Today, I woke up from a dream where my cheerios spelled out Obamacare.... they would round cheerios.

By Nina / Thursday 2 November 2017 15:51 /
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Top comments
  BrotherPhil  |  32

The poster apparently had a dream about being stabbed and then woke up 1 minute before the time in the dream. Then somebody came out of the closet and... I don't know, maybe felt more at peace with themselves?

  Bubbilility  |  27

I think it's like a Groundhog Day thing, they were stabbed, in their dream, at 18 past, and then woke up to see it was 17 past. OP was relieved that they were safe until their closet opened.
But clearly they did whatever they needed to to break the cycle.

By  Saluton  |  18

I think it sounds really funny if you read it with a hard foreign accent :) (Indian/Mexican/Arabic etc., basically like anyone who doesn't speak English well)