The Best of the Worst #30
Hello everyone, it's back! We're finally delivering this month's Best of the Worst, so you can stop sending me PMs demanding when I'm going to pull my finger out and get cracking. Hopefully, this article should be posted every last Wednesday of the month, so if I do miss that deadline, feel free to send me hate-mail! Let's check out this month's selection.
For the people who've never seen this section of FML before: we get sent lots of FMLs, each day, all day. We only publish a few due to the fact that many are not very good, copies of old FMLs or just not funny enough to be published. Amongst those, we also get sent very weird stories. Or "things" as I like to call them. That's what we post in this column. Here we go, get your eyeballs ready.
Fucking foodies
Today I went to the store but realized when I got there that it didn’t exist! Then I got hit by a train and my girlfriend told me that she hates me but is staying with me anyways. I’m a 24 year old male. What the hell did I eat!?
Mistaken
Today, I signed up for a website that gets money some how 3 hours later swat busted in my door and took me away but I was releasded when they figured out that it wasent me what it was is when I signed up for the website a man who killed 4 people stole my identy and also spent all my life savings
Kelis, part 2
today my turban brought all the muslims to the yard and they’re like mahumad masad fml
The land before time
welll actually 3985917598534851 days ago i was on this website reading the sex section that u r on now and my mom walks in and reads my computer screen while im in the shower…she thot i was a hooker i got kicked out
They are pretty annoying, though
My Dad told me to stop playing my ukulele
Cheesy
Today, I was sitting on the bus when I smelled a stale smell like the infection on my cats foot. I thought it was the kid in front of me but when I got off the bus I could still smell it. Later I found melting provolone cheese in my bra. My friends had eaten cheese at lunch. FML
Her WHAT?
Today, i my sister poked her Viginal and made me smell it. FML
Product placement time
Today I tried to buy a plane ticket online. The airline said contact your credit card provider so I checked my card statement. My bank decided I was too fat and froze my account for buying a Starbucks brownie. The bank and airline both agree I would stop a plane from takeoff due to that brownie. FML
Didn't catch any of that, sorry
Today,I ask a girl out dat was in my class den she replay no after dat my friend tryed 2 ask her out den she reply nope after day wen ever she saw me or my friend she would run away from us FML
Doesn't sound fishy at all
Today, I went to the Shell station to buy vodka with my fake I.D. I accidently dropped it and slipped on it. I hurt my neck so I was taken to the hospital when they told me I was paralized. I than was told i was pregnant with quadruplates. The father is my brother. I’m 12. FML
That's it for March. We'll be back next month for some more weirdness because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself while they are sent in by using the Moderate the FMLs feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird shite to try and get them published in here, it won't work. We can spot the phonies. Take care!
Bonus track: A recurring confession
Who doesn't?
Today, I realized I like the smell of my balls when they’re sweaty. FML
