By Gal - 5/12/2019 05:00

Sham of a threesome

Today, a man I have sex with sent me a video of him, not fucking but MAKING LOVE to a girl we had a threesome with, he's in love with me, but the girl is in love with him, what a sham of a threesome. FML.
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By  BurnInDemonFire  |  30

If he was really in love with you, he wouldn't be in her. And he definitely wouldn't send you a video of him with her. This douche is leading you both on, so get out while you can.

By  Iamthebanzai22  |  18

Isn't this maybe a polyamouristic situation? Obviously he thought you would be fine with it, else he would not have sent the video. You guys need to have a heart-to-heart about what you are OK with and what you are not.

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By  BurnInDemonFire  |  30

If he was really in love with you, he wouldn't be in her. And he definitely wouldn't send you a video of him with her. This douche is leading you both on, so get out while you can.

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  ImpKit  |  7

That's a bit judgmental. The guy could easily have misinterpreted this as a poly situation. He might think the OP would enjoy and become aroused by the video and want him that much more. I've got two partners, I very much love them both. One of them has, including me, 4 total partners. I've gotten videos of him and others that were sent for me to enjoy. The difference, of course, being that the OP seems to not be aware that the guy, if it is indeed a poly situation to him, is seeing it as a poly situation. That means they need to sit down and have a very involved discussion about what they all see the relationship as, what they want from it, etc.

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If it was the formation of a polyamorous relationship, wouldn't it have been mentioned before the threesome? OP said it's "a man I have sex with", and "a girl we had a threesome with". At no point did she mention the possibility of their threesome becoming something more. In fact, she doesn't even talk about her feelings to the other two, only that the other girl loves the guy, and the guy loves OP. Call it judgmental, but from the wording of OP's post, it sounds like she and her fuck buddy had a threesome with another girl, and he was hoping that by showing he was still having sex with the second girl, OP would be up for at least one more threesome. Considering you're in one yourself, do you think either of your partners would have assumed you were in a polyamorous relationship after one threesome? If you had started out as a friends-with-benefits thing with Guy/Girl A, had a threesome with Guy/Girl B, wouldn't you have discussed entering a relationship with them both at some point? OPs guy friend should not be assuming he's in a polyamorous relationship with both women after one threesome, unless it was made clear that was what they all wanted. He wasn't even in a monogamous relationship with OP before the threesome. He was just a fuck buddy, and OP liked the idea of a threesome as much as he did. So for him to go from no relationship to a polyamorous one after the threesome without any kind of discussion is nonsense. I know some guys can be arrogant, but I doubt he'd think he has two girlfriends after just one threesome. There would have been a conversation to clarify whatever situation they all agreed on. You might get sexy videos from one of your partners, but this guy clearly realized Girl B was into him, and since he knew he had a FWB thing with OP, he figured another threesome was on the cards. He was not deluded enough to think he was already in a polyamorous relationship without it being talked about first. Ergo, douche.

By  Iamthebanzai22  |  18

Isn't this maybe a polyamouristic situation? Obviously he thought you would be fine with it, else he would not have sent the video. You guys need to have a heart-to-heart about what you are OK with and what you are not.

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You might be right. A threesome is a sexual experience with three people, and a poly situation is a relationship with multiple people. Either way, it seems this “relationship” isn’t right, or at the least, this is a situation OP shouldn’t be in since they aren’t happy.

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  Iamthebanzai22  |  18

Indeed, happiness in a relationship is extremely important. I really do hope though that it is just a minor issue that has to be sorted. Clearly there is some emotional oppenness since they did actually manage to orchestrate a threeome. Open relationships take some getting used to if it is your first one, but they are a great way to live your life. I think people sometimes think that jealousy does not occur in sexually open or poly reationships. It does, but usually people get over it if they realise that it is their emotion and they need to take ownership of it (as opposed to the other person's fault). Open and honest communication, people..

By  LadyRen  |  18

If you have to call it sex between the two of you and not making love, he clearly doesn’t love you.
As for the poly stuff, that should have been discussed beforehand, it’s not good to just assume.

Either way you need to talk.

By  alycion  |  38

I noticed you said man I’m fucking and he loves me. Nothing about how you feel back other than he’s cheaper and more fun than batteries. So if you aren’t in love with him, who cares if you are still getting yours? Unless if there was an agreement in place. And if there was, I think he’s saying he’s done.