Self-Proclaimed Drug Dealer Calls 911 to Report Missing Cocaine, Ends Up in Jail Because, Duh

How else could he have possibly expected this to end? This FML is brought to you by none other than, you guessed it, Florida Man.

Over the weekend in Fort Walton Beach, Florida, self-described drug dealer and world’s smartest man, David Blackmon, was astonished to find that his car had been robbed.

In a valiant pursuit of justice, Blackmon, 32, dialed 911 and told the operator that someone had entered his car while it was parked at 40 Ed Street and stole $50.00 (!!) and a quarter ounce of cocaine off the center console. Imagine the audacity!

Police officers quickly arrived on the scene to investigate, whereupon they found, wait for it…a quarter ounce of cocaine. Where? Oh, exactly where Blackmon said he had left it.

But that’s not all! Officers also found a crack rock lying just beside the bag of cocaine on the center console and a crack pipe on the floorboard by the driver’s door.

In a twist he did not see coming, David was arrested on the spot for possession of cocaine, possession of drug paraphernalia, and resisting arrest without violence.

Sadly, the missing $50 was never recovered. 

What is there to be learned here? Anything at all?

The tale of David Blackmon is a baffling one. Why would the thief take the money, but not the drugs? How did David not realize the missing drugs were there in front of him all along? Was there even thief at all? Was this all a setup to get into the jail? Is there a crime syndicate being run from within? Was David’s jail time the perfect cover for his meeting with other self-proclaimed drug dealers? Are he and his band of coke-slingers plotting a wide-scale takeover of the tri-county area?!

We may never know the answers to these questions. And when it comes to Florida Man, sometimes it’s better to leave it that way.

By Nina / Thursday 20 July 2017 18:13 /
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