Punxsutawney Phil Says There Will Be Six More Weeks Of Winter And People On Twitter Have Never Been More Mad At A Rodent
Groundhog Day is here again, which means it’s time once again for one of America’s weirdest traditions: trusting a rodent to predict the weather. Factor in that the groundhog is named Punxsutawney Phil and it starts to seem as hokey as the word ‘hullabaloo,’ which it groundhog day is a bunch of.
It sounds very primitive and in-touch with the Earth, until you realize that the Groundhog Day ceremony itself is led by a group of middle-aged white dudes in top hats and looks like this:
Wait...is this a cult?
Yes. No. Maybe? I don’t know, but it sure sounds like one. The top-hatted dudes in question are a group of men called the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club. Sounds cult-y, right? Well, it also looks pretty cult-y. Here they are in formation.
As the tradition goes, this society of men (who look like they’re either dentists or former-dentists who probably collect the teeth of their patients) meets every year on February 2nd at Gobbler’s Knob in Pennsylvania to wait for Punxsutawney Phil to come out of hibernation.
We all know the drill after that: if he sees his shadow, then there are six more weeks of winter. If not, spring is right around the corner.
Let’s be real, Punxsutawney Phil always sees his shadow. Can you remember a time he didn’t? According to LiveScience, he’s got about a 47% accuracy rate. And yet, every time he does, people still make just as big of a deal about the bad news.
This year was no different. We turned to Twitter to see how people took the news:
You can go back into that whole and come back out with a better attitude💅— Jacob Welch (@JacobWelch16) February 2, 2018
disgusting to see punxsutawney phil clearly still taking money from big winter— Desus Nice (@desusnice) February 2, 2018
Today when I speak of an overweight hairy fuck that has plunged us into an eternal winter, it'll be in reference to Punxsutawney Phil. #GroundhogDay— April Michelle 2.0 (@JanettheIntern) February 2, 2018
It’s official: Punxsutawney Phil saw Sade, so that's 6 more weeks of hearing "Smooth Operator" every time you step into a CVS.— Glen Weldon (@ghweldon) February 2, 2018
Pretty cool how Punxsutawney Phil gets to hide if he sees his stupid shadow, but we all have to walk around pretending we're not completely terrified of 2018.— beth, not an alien (@bourgeoisalien) February 2, 2018
We don't have groundhog day in Britain but we have a similar thing where if a brexiteer sees their shadow they assume it's an immigrant and post something racist about it on Facebook— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) February 2, 2018
Ah, Groundhog Day. My favorite rodent-based fortune telling event.— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) February 2, 2018
*at Gobbler's Knob in Punxsutawney, something stirs in the earthen hole as cameras and crowds await*— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) February 2, 2018
*a gasp as something emerges*
*it's Gwyneth Paltrow casting golden shadows in every direction*
"Happy GoopDay," she breathes. "Six more weeks of misaligned yoni meridians."
Nice going, Phil. Comparing you to "Smooth Operator" and Goop?! That's how much we appreciate your prediction.