Every family’s got a weird quirk. My parents, for example, made my brother and me wear bells on our shoes until we were 7 anytime we were in public so they wouldn’t lose us. Some families celebrate the dog’s birthday as seriously as any other family member’s and some families leave the door open when they use the bathroom.

In LearnedButt’s case, his family had a “poop knife,” and it wasn’t until he was 22 that he learned how unusual that was.

“...He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML...”

Poop knives. They’re exactly what they sound like. Butter knives for chopping shits. LearnedButt shared his shocking story on the subreddit /r/confessions:

[Light] I was 22 years old when I learned that not every family has a poop knife. from confession

Perhaps more shocking than the fact that such an object existed in OP’s household, or the fact that his wife had been unwittingly using it to open packages, is the fact that OP’s family wasn’t the only one with a poop knife.

Several people shared comments about similar objects having existed in their homes, and we’re honestly just not sure how to feel about it.

One guy used a plastic knife.

This family uses a spatula.

Poop scissors, anyone?

This is one brave girlfriend.

Finally a good use for all those extra takeout chopsticks lying around.

Everyone should have a shit stick.

Pocket knives really do have a million uses.

A pencil? Really?

So I guess this means there are two types of people: people that chop their poops and people who don’t. The important question is: which are you?