By FML

Mondays are like…

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Bad job

Fish and chips is life

Stealth dog

By imnotcool - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw a cop come up behind me. Nervous about my expired license, I kept checking in my rear view mirror. In turn since I wasn't paying attention, I ran a stop sign. Needless to say the cop pulled me over and gave me 2 tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11544

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By jessicab72 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I got into THE party of the year. Too bad it was the party my daughter was throwing while her father and I were out of town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43079

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5570

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By unforgettablee - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51602

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12994

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss for a couple of days off to recover from a nasty ear infection which has left me hard of hearing. However, he didn't understand why that would affect my job and refused. I work in a telephone call centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30046

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1938

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By BFFN - United Kingdom - Glasgow

BFF

Today, my best friend told me she no longer wants an "active friendship" with me. She says she doesn't have time to see me, since she has a boyfriend and a bunch of friends she's spent years bitching to me about. We've gone from a 14-year friendship to awkwardly nodding at each other in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22546

You deserved it

1324

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By Alwayspotato - 11/7/2020 05:02

Bittie

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1413

You deserved it

140

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was puked on for the third time in three years at our annual choir concert. What makes it so significant? The fact that the same guy pukes on me every year from stage fright. We're arranged alphabetically, and he's always in the row RIGHT above me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58132

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4638

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By Bandgeek

Today, at work, 5 minutes after I'd sent my help home, we got an 83 dollar order. I'm the only cook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4901

You deserved it

754

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By LovedByFamily - Germany - K?ln

Today, I found out that my mom gives my brother tips on how to hurt my feelings the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34367

You deserved it

2302

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By Anonymous - United States - Cabot

Today, I got my dog some weight loss formula food, as she is very overweight. This new food makes her have horrible gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10662

You deserved it

2065

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By CrazedGunMan - 2/9/2020 19:01 - Panama - Panama

Go anyway, see the sights

Today, I could finally get a plane ticket to go see the girl I have been talking to for the past 5 months. Just as I told her the exciting news, she told me that she was no longer interested in me. Guess that's 800 dollars down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1349

You deserved it

558

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By betterpianist - United States

Today, the girl I've liked for over a year, broke up with me after just 2 weeks of dating, all because I'm a better pianist then her. I've been playing since I was 8. She's been playing for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11354

You deserved it

746

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By bad surprise - United States

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34106

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7509

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14728

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73745

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49699

You deserved it

4123

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By poururheartout

Nice.

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3189

You deserved it

360

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By damaged - United States - La Verne

Today, I drove in heavy rain for the first time, by myself. I had been told to drive below the speed limit, and be extra careful of the cars around me. Nobody had told me about thunder scaring a cow that would then escape from the corral and hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26631

You deserved it

1782

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By ehcanadianeh - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found $20 under my car seat, so I put it in the cup holder, only for it to fly out of the window while going down the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20662

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11994

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By Anonymous - Belgium - Ieper

No kinkshaming on FML

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

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59544

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9294

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By nomorecleaning - United States - Augusta

Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42040

You deserved it

4019

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By so jealous - 27/4/2020 05:00

Goodbye phone

Today, I was FaceTiming a good friend of mine from back home, telling her how good she looked and how happy I was to hear from her. My insanely jealous girlfriend snatched my phone and smashed it on the ground. I was saying my friend looked good because she'd just finished chemo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3105

You deserved it

376

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2020 23:01

Traditional values

Today, the seemingly normal guy I've been dating for a while told me he is a wolf spirit in a human body to bridge the gap of his ancestors and humans. What?! FML

I agree, your life sucks

1318

You deserved it

157

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mother has been seeing my maths teacher. I'm still failing his class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31143

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7867

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By slingerslasher - United States - New York

Today, I was using the short urinal when I heard someone say, "Ahem!" in a loud voice. I looked back to see an angry little kid. He made me switch urinals so he could use the short one. I got urinal-evicted by a little boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11238

You deserved it

6831

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By ellieowenie - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26654

You deserved it

3408

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By sadinthesack - United States

Today, I was making love to my girlfriend and was pretty impressed with myself for lasting through multiple songs. Then I realized her ipod was playing a medley. I only lasted 3 1/2 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25768

You deserved it

10841

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By Sharkie49 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I paid top dollar for an Italian soda that ended up consisting almost entirely of ice. When I complained, the girl insisted that the soda water stopped the ice from melting. She said she didn't see what the problem was, and threatened to have me thrown out if I didn't "simmer down." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22582

You deserved it

5290

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I gave my boss a report I wrote on my own time, full of suggestions on how to increase productivity and profits at our company. He said my ideas made "about as much sense as pistol-whipping a ghost" and that I was impressing no-one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12937

You deserved it

2438

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By coughcough - United States

Today, after recovering from pneumonia and a severe asthma attack caused by my dad's fiancée's cat, he chose to keep the cat. I can't go to his house without having to go to the hospital later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46033

You deserved it

4017

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By considering murder - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I finally put the finishing touches on a huge project after 8 months of gruelling work. My boss had used the promise of a 5-figure bonus to motivate me. When I casually brought the bonus up later in the day, my boss just said "Gratitude's its own reward, Mike." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23794

You deserved it

1763

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at a concert, my friend grew tired of holding her bag. She asked a man to hold it, saying that he wouldn't steal it "since it was hers". I quietly told her she was too naïve and irresponsible. After the concert, I got home and noticed my wallet was stolen instead, right out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28058

You deserved it

5321

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By branded - United States

Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24417

You deserved it

60492

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By maddy - United States

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13007

You deserved it

23713

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By ByeByeBlackberry - United States

Today, I decided I would finally get up and weed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decided to jump in the pool, with all my clothes on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry started to ring from my pocket... FML

I agree, your life sucks

16704

You deserved it

57121

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step mom sat me down and told me that she doesn't think that my dad is my biological father because she hasn't gotten pregnant from him. I don't think she quite understands the concept of being a step mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25089

You deserved it

2235

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By H4rd_Man - United Kingdom

Today, I came back home to meet people before going away to university, including my ex and her new boyfriend. We broke up about two months ago and there were no bad feelings between us, so I decided to have a chat with them. I asked "How long have you been going out?" He replied "Seven months." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43987

You deserved it

2759

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By argh - United States

Today, after going to the doctor to have him look at a rash on my man bits, I asked him how to get rid of the redness. He shrugged and said: "Don't worry, nobody will see it other than you and me." He's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27208

You deserved it

2998

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By StillHurt - United States

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38360

You deserved it

2240

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By hfs palm - United States

Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28516

You deserved it

2513

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By FML

Et tu, Brute?

Today, I returned home from my aunt's funeral abroad to find my boyfriend in bed with my sister, who claimed she was unable to fly due to the flu. FML

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5718

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Top comments

By riley873 | 21

#7815166 - Tuesday 25 June 2019 5:41

shit, I felt that in my soul 😱😳

By Macy Rowdon | 4

#7815354 - Tuesday 25 June 2019 20:10

I 100% understand that feeling. I hope you have fun sometime soon.

COMMENTS

By riley873 | 21

#7815166 - Tuesday 25 June 2019 5:41

shit, I felt that in my soul 😱😳

By Macy Rowdon | 4

#7815354 - Tuesday 25 June 2019 20:10

I 100% understand that feeling. I hope you have fun sometime soon.