Man Takes Heroic Dose Of MDMA, Steals A Boat To Be With The Swans, Who, "Don't Judge Him."
Of course, this happened in Florida
Everything took place on Lake Eola, in the middle of which is a fountain. According to Orlando police (the real police, not the Disney ones), and relayed by The Independant, Kyle Thurston, 36, took command of a pedalo shaped like a swan to go to the fountain. Excellent idea for someone in the brain-rattling throes of MDMA.
(The swan-shaped pedalos of Lake Eola in Orlando)
The call of nature
The effects of MDMA are known for giving people the impression that they love everyone and everything (which doesn't sound that bad, actually), and in Kyle's case, he just wanted to join the swans and maybe live amongst them, because apparently, swans don't judge people. He disembarked from the pedalo onto the fountain, forgetting to tie it to anything, and remained marooned on the fountain in the middle of the night.
(It's sort of a cute area, we can almost understand why he did it)
He called for help, and ended up being rescued at 4 a.m., but we have no idea how long he was on the fountain for. He was wearing a life jacket from the pedalo, and before being whisked away to the hospital, he told the rescue team that he'd taken drugs and wanted to be with the swans because they don't judge him.