By Anonymous

It is free

Today, I've decided to pay for sex. Stopped at a hooker and asked how much would it cost for a blowjob. Apparently she was a boy and told me: "If you suck my penis first, it is free". FML

I agree, your life sucks

913

You deserved it

3071

Favorite

Call CPS!

Sharing is caring

Time to run

By guitar_chick7 - Australia

Today, I said something in class and someone mimicked me. In a self-pitying mood, I exclaimed, "Everybody hates me!" The girl behind me then said, "Pretty much." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22470

You deserved it

47821

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82953

You deserved it

7899

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/3/2020 16:00

Wrong place, right time

Today, I stopped to gas up. The pump wasn't taking my BP rewards card, and it said to go see the cashier. I went in to ask what's up, where the cashier politely pointed out that I was in a Shell gas station, not a BP. FML

I agree, your life sucks

445

You deserved it

1807

Favorite

By booboo300

Today, I picked up my gardisal 9 hpv update shot that my doctor prescribed and discovered that not only do I need three of them, they are $200 a piece. The guy I was dating that was the reason I needed the booster broke up with me on Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2033

You deserved it

267

Favorite

By Marteeny

Today, my mom said my boobs are finally getting bigger and that I've finally hit puberty. I'll be celebrating my 31st birthday next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15056

You deserved it

1085

Favorite

By Nxydolli - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself crying for an hour when my recreated crush on The Sims 3 game rejected my character and ran off with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20120

You deserved it

56272

Favorite

By shitday - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, a cyclone hit my city. Though everywhere else is flooding, my house is fine. Well, that was until the toilet decided to overflow and regurgitate the entire town's sewerage. So now my only bathroom is covered in sewage, and I can't go anywhere else because of the flooding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31465

You deserved it

2219

Favorite

By lifebecrazed

Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32262

You deserved it

2944

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57556

You deserved it

4087

Favorite

By Anonymous - Italy

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

128982

You deserved it

6542

Favorite

By lovedbyallthewrongppl - United States

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31066

You deserved it

13568

Favorite

By andromeda80 - United States - Lakewood

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26390

You deserved it

2794

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32246

You deserved it

7549

Favorite

By hahahah111 - United States

Today, my mom was driving me somewhere. As we were driving she got mad at a motorcycle driver telling to "get the fuck off the road." In response, the driver decided to spit into my open window. His spit landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54650

You deserved it

4246

Favorite

By Anon - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43950

You deserved it

4104

Favorite

By fml boy

Today, my 10k dirt bike stopped starting. I used it once and owned it for less than 24 hours. Later in the afternoon, I dropped my phone and it cracked. Later in the evening, I was walking in my room towards my bed in the dark and I stubbed my toe on my Pc and one of the panels fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2189

You deserved it

318

Favorite

By Sara - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend and I went to visit his grandparents. Everything went well, until his grandmother approached me and asked me if I wanted to try some of her old bras. I didn't want to be rude, so I went with her. Most awkward moment of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12552

You deserved it

2098

Favorite

By jaleesadavis21 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my older brother thought it would be funny to change the language on my phone to Serbo-Croatian. I don't know how and can't change it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27926

You deserved it

4332

Favorite

By ashleyramsay - Canada

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57526

You deserved it

11762

Favorite

By rashree - United States

Today, my long-distance boyfriend told me that he was going to pee on me to "mark his territory." When I told him that it was disgusting, he said, "last time, I just peed on you in the shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24553

You deserved it

3533

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16065

You deserved it

42006

Favorite

By Sadtimes - United Kingdom

Today, my sister broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years because he hadn't "popped" the question. I've just spent the last 2 months helping him plan the perfect proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51711

You deserved it

3711

Favorite

By dude - United States

Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68053

You deserved it

34201

Favorite

By JustplainSad - 15/8/2020 23:01

People are strange

Today, I found out my friend of 15 years, who cut off our weekly gaming group during Covid after a fight, is speaking to everyone but me. I wasn't even in the fight, I just checked in to see if he was OK after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1385

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/4/2020 14:00

Artistic licence

Today, after spending at least 4 hours drawing a realistic shadow of a vampire for a picture contest, I finally remembered that vampires aren't supposed to produce shadows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1166

You deserved it

656

Favorite

By Dogmom

Today, I overheard my manager tell a customer that it's perfectly safe for dogs to eat grapes if they're seedless. I work in a pet store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3135

You deserved it

186

Favorite

By Lackadaisical - United States

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10214

You deserved it

35527

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21441

You deserved it

1423

Favorite

By idkmybffjill? - United States

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15536

You deserved it

48934

Favorite

By BrilsmurfO_O - Netherlands

Today, I was at IKEA with my parents. I walked away from them and later I heard the speaker of the store call my name asking me to come to the playground because my mom and dad were worried. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73894

You deserved it

4940

Favorite

By patty - France

Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to ring him. He took his mobile out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37121

You deserved it

3438

Favorite

By EliseV - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47753

You deserved it

5958

Favorite

By Home sick

Today, I was called fat by my boyfriend's old-fashioned mom. I'm not close to fat but I'm not really skinny either so she calls me fat. She also complained that my feet makes noise when I walk and that girls shouldn't make noise when walking. This week has been hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2836

You deserved it

268

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 00:31 - India - Bangalore

We feel for you, bruh

Today, I realised that I wasted my teenage life just to be a parent pleaser. I'm in the final months of high school and while everyone is enjoying the last days, I'm sat here being a "good" son, listening to my parents argue, maybe divorcing. I'm in tears and can't go out as I'm not invited to anything anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1027

You deserved it

140

Favorite

By Claudine - Belgium - Li?ge

Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26244

You deserved it

2065

Favorite

By jazz - France

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32184

You deserved it

5732

Favorite

By damnedbydurberg - United States

Today, after years of torment and relentless harassment, I finally built up the courage to stand up to a bully. I got a detention for swearing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40725

You deserved it

3363

Favorite

Today, I was enjoying my first vacation day in 2 years. My boss then called me to come in, saying it was an emergency. I got to work and got fired. Yes, my boss made me come in just to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6734

You deserved it

592

Favorite

By notanerd - United States

Today, I have to spend over an hour at a Gamestop so my boyfriend can get his 'Final Fantasy' game at midnight. I'm tired, I don't want to stand around any more, and all the people around around me are debating super heroes. I'm living in an episode of 'The Big Bang Theory.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

14564

You deserved it

38172

Favorite

By crunkdrunk - United States

Today, I woke up with a hangover after an intense night out. I decided to look at my camera to figure out what happened the night before. All my pictures were deleted except one video of me dancing to Lollipop by Lil Wayne, and giving a lapdance and head to my giant plush rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11571

You deserved it

57134

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7867205 - Sunday 15 December 2019 18:18

It's a scam!!!

Get your blowjob first before returning the favor in payment.

Remember the first rule of business: The customer always comes first!

By Jhanny Quesada Aguila | 2

#7867222 - Sunday 15 December 2019 20:17

but did you do it

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7867205 - Sunday 15 December 2019 18:18

It's a scam!!!

Get your blowjob first before returning the favor in payment.

Remember the first rule of business: The customer always comes first!

By Jhanny Quesada Aguila | 2

#7867222 - Sunday 15 December 2019 20:17

but did you do it

By tounces7 | 27

#7867311 - Monday 16 December 2019 2:28

The only thing you'll get for free is STDs.

By alycion | 38

#7867424 - Monday 16 December 2019 11:36

And if it were legal, you’d go to safe places and know what you are getting up front, how much, from who, and that they are regularly tested and not on the streets to support a drug habit or because they are being forced.

By jkjorn | 15

#7867488 - Monday 16 December 2019 15:13

Sounds like you met Holly from Miami FLA. Did he/she say hey babe, take a walk on the wild side?

By purplepixie23 | 16

#7867520 - Monday 16 December 2019 18:25

Time to try something new

By SJKatt | 10

#7867840 - Tuesday 17 December 2019 17:50

FML has too much SWERF and TERF for me. Ugh.

By manb91gb | 14

#7867970 - Wednesday 18 December 2019 5:08

Sounds like a fair deal!

By murph180 | 8

#7868422 - Thursday 19 December 2019 21:45

lol sounds like a great deal to me