Here's This Week's Collection Of The Worst FMLs Ever

Hello everyone! Once again, here's FML's weekly Best of the Worst! Even more proof that the internet is full of people who can claim that reality is stranger than fiction.
For the people who've never seen this section of FML before, we get sent loads of FMLs, but we only publish a few, due to the fact that most aren't very good, and some are downright terrifying. Amongst those, we also get sent very dumbass stories. Or "hanky pankies" as I like to call them. That's what we post in this feature. Now, get ready, be prepared.
he totally does
Today RSH kept swinging and couldn’t keep stuff on spec. Also Wilmie stinks. FML
fml made 10x creepier by calling it self pleasing
Self pleasing today in gfs house when her younger sister walks in as I came all over her
[screams in ASL]
I don't understand "sigh" language. Use your words! fml
the lord does not forgive u
I got fired and def lost a few screws, I met a girl and brought her to my apt for her to go on how her family owns a place JUST like the one I just got fired from. so I make my move, use my charm so she's all over me. blase blah turns out she wasn't fully a she.. I gotta pay bills.. Lord, forgive me
kIsS mE tHrough ThE PhOoOooOnE
TODAY, I CAN'T KISS MY GIRLFRIEND ON THE LIPS IN PERSON RIGHT NOW! FML!
the life of a pre teen is ruff.
tomorrow is the 3rd day of school, I have PE with an old friend of mine that hates me now and also with ND ex of mine that I still have feelings for. FML
this isn't an advice site, but................. go on
How have I told my boyfriend for 10 years I'm a lesbian? My lover wants to be in a relationship with me an my boyfriend.
thanks for the image
I hide my phone in my rolls of fat to hide it from parents because I was grounded. Lol
That's it for now. We'll be back next week for some more weirdness because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself while they are sent in by using the Moderate the FMLs feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird stories to try and get them published in here, it won't work. We can spot the phonies. Take care!
But if not, there’s always self-pleasing.