FML : Here Are The 16 Funniest Tweets From This Week!

Here Are The 16 Funniest Tweets From This Week!

By Nadine / dimanche 2 septembre 2018 05:30

The best of the best tweets from this week. Enjoy!

1. Happy first week back at school everyone!

How’s y’all first day going.. pic.twitter.com/i925jXahRB
— Ebony (@ebonyrobinson10) August 22, 2018

2. This is a fact.

girls be like "can you get my lip gloss from my purse? just reach in & head left, take a right at the wallet then turn left til you pass 3 nutrigrain bars & take your next right then head straight & it should be there. if you've hit the 2007 target receipts you've gone too far"
— jake (@squidslippers) August 24, 2018

3. Ohhhh, ah ohhhh

me when im 30 with no kids

Doctor: ur biological clock is ticking

me: tik tok on the clock but th party dont stop no
— 💀\o/💀 (@zfedraws) August 24, 2018

4. Or, hitting on girls.

My dog just posts up like he’s in the club judging ppl pic.twitter.com/7dECkhW7qY
— BV (@bvbillionaire) August 23, 2018

5. Many dogs made it on this week's tweet list

My cat was drinking Otis’ water and he looked up at me like he was in an episode of The Office lmao pic.twitter.com/hYqzoNKMiW
— Sam (@samanthughhh) August 26, 2018

6. Like... many, many.

me when i wake up vs. when i’m finally ready to go out pic.twitter.com/wh0WMHuFXr
— tina le (@t1nale) August 26, 2018

7. Lol, amiright? UP TOP!

therapist: you have PTSD

me: hell yeah I have PTSD: Proficient Talent for Sucking DICK lmao

therapist: maybe we can talk about your use of humor as an unhealthy coping mechanism for the trauma you’ve experienced

me: Sheryl, I don’t think you understand how clever that joke was
— Abby (@yungmasala_) August 27, 2018

8. Cowabunga dude

100 level course prof: Attendance is mandatory, no phones allowed, 12 hours of homework/week, also we have 5 exams and one is in 9 days

500 level course prof: I illegally downloaded the texbook, I'll send you the link. text me if you need anything. Do you guys wanna go kayaking?
— Lindsay (@plantbboi) August 27, 2018

9. Here's another dog but this time you cry

facebook really out here making me sob. pic.twitter.com/sJS4fkx6Oa
— sam ⚢ (@sxmwich) August 25, 2018

10. You're terrible if you laugh

me: mental health isnt a joke
also me 1000 times a day: im gonna fucking shoot myself straight in the fucking eyeball
— dylan (@sometimesdyl) August 23, 2018

11. Re: The ASOS crop top debate

All clothing is unisex if you stop being a little bitch about it
— Saint Sims (@SimsJoseph) August 23, 2018

12. LIVE - LAUGH- LOVE

me:
white woman’s kitchen:

H
E
L 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒
L &&
O 𝒻𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓎

yum

coffee

john 3:16
— bailie (@xbaiIie) August 26, 2018

13. Terror throwback

y’all remember when we had a clown problem ?!?!? LMFAO what the actual fuck was that
— Z (@zthunda) August 26, 2018

14. But, what if tho.

My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the parenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.
— Octopus/Caveman (@OctopusCaveman) August 26, 2018

15. This is the final dog for today's tweet list but he is very worth it

i felt like sharing this video of my dog straight chillin pic.twitter.com/7PbHb5vExW
— gustavo📌 (@capnsaveahood) August 25, 2018

16. Okay, queen.

SOMEONE SAID “WAIT START AGAIN I WASNT RECORDING” AND SHE DID LMAOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/IEAhCM2YzX
— meliss (@majestcbitch) August 26, 2018

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Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 24

#7686934 - Sunday 2 September 2018 20:22

"Once upon a time, there was a turkey named Oswald. He was a happy turkey who spent his days on the farm eating corn, having sex with lady turkeys, and selling weed to Hollywood celebrities. Unfortunately, one such celebrity owed Oswald a lot of money, and although Oswald had teamed up with Snoop Dogg to persuade the celebrity to pay up, the celebrity ended up killing Oswald, and selling him to a local butcher. The butcher plucked Oswald's feathers from his lifeless corpse, and cut off his head and feet, before selling him to a hungry family. Now, this family had a very curious son, who thought placing a slice of Oswald in a DVD player would cause a movie of his life to play on the TV. Well, here we are, kid. You weren't expecting this story, were you? Also, you've just pissed off a load of vegans, and Peta are after you. Good luck. The End."

By Taurus_ChicKa | 34

#7686965 - Sunday 2 September 2018 21:55

#3 is brilliant! I'm also tired of hearing how my biological clock is ticking. It's no one's business but own if and when I want kids.

Comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 24

#7686934 - Sunday 2 September 2018 20:22

By KittyMack | 11

#7686952 - Sunday 2 September 2018 21:03

12 is worth clicking through to see the whole thread. Can ruin your faith in humanity but hey, who has any left at this point anyway, amirite?
I didn't know such tackiness was so widespread. We have a friend we laugh at & we thought it was just her. She has a pic of a fork and the word "forchetta" HUGE like it covers about a square yard. Not Italian, not in the habit of travelling to Italy. WTF is the point? Why not a spoon & knife too?
She asked us (handy types) to put up a "___ & ___" for her too, in foot high letters. Also random words not related to her life.
I am almost certain there are quotes about enjoying coffee and wine too.
I just don't get it. If you want to decorate but don't want something with personal meaning, get a fun clock or a pretty picture. Why choose words when you have sweet fuck all to say?