Here Are 13 FMLs About Soft Penises For National Weary Willie Day!
Weary Willie was the OG clown. The red nose, painted smile - that was all his influence. It’s thanks to him clowns look the way they do. How was he to know, he would end up being the physical embodiment of our collective nightmares as a society? He meant well, and that’s what matters. He was born on this day in 1898, which is why every year on December 9th, we celebrate National Weary Willie Day.
...but when we at FML hear “weary willie,” clowns aren’t the first thing that come to mind. our subconscious goes straight to penises, aka “willies.” So instead of clowns (which are scary anyway) here is a compilation of FMLs about poor, weary willies.
1. What nice, soft, baguette.
Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML
2. Your demons will follow you wherever you go.
3. Tough break, brokedick.
4. Not a conversation I'd want to be having.
Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML
5. Nothin' wrong with a floppy schlong.
Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML
6. Rubbing in the fact that you can't can't rub one out.
7. Thats's called karma, biotch.
Today, I learned there is such a thing as "too much sex". After a full week of having sex at least twice a day with my girlfriend, I had to go to the GP due to a painful erection and swelling. The constant sex had caused me to burst a blood vessel in my penis. FML
8. Little squishy was cuter than this monster.
9. Don't think it's gonna work, my dude.
10. Wow no blow lower than a man's pride...and his penis.
Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML
Today, I received a package from Amazon. My mum smiled at me when I entered the living room, pointing to my package. She had already opened it and held back her smile. My penis pills for longer endurance just got delivered. FML
12. An improptu lesson in human bio.
Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML
13. A little eager there, buddy?
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML