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'Harry Potter' Noob Realizes He's Five Books Into Erotic Fan Fiction

By Nina / vendredi 14 juillet 2017 08:00
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Ever feel like your whole life's been a lie? Like when you found out that Santa wasn’t real or that the praying emoji is actually a high five emoji...or that Harry Potter doesn’t actually know how to transform into a giant flying lion? This dude knows what I'm talking about.

How anyone has managed to escape the lure of the magical world of Harry Potter for the past 20 years is as incomprehensible as a flying car to a muggle, and yet somehow, up until recently, NY-based journalist Chris Chappell had managed to do so. Crazy, right?

In an interview with Buzzfeed News, Chappell said he was suddenly inspired to delve into the Harry Potter book series after seeing someone watch the first movie on a plane. He purchased the entire book series in a bundle package and proceeded to devour them with a gusto he hadn’t at all expected.

Right away, Chappell was hooked, wrapped up in the Devil’s Snare that is the series’ long, intricate backstories, complex character relationships, and adept commentary on adolescence.

It wasn’t until he was talking to Shelley Zhang, a friend and coworker, about the surprisingly dark plot points that primarily occur in the later books in the series that he realized that the Hogwarts he had come to know had the suspicious air of fan fiction. On Monday afternoon, Zhang, a longtime fan of Harry Potter, shared the story on Twitter.

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Here's the initial iMessage exchange: 

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Apparently Chappell had believed every word he read despite copious red flags. The ridiculous amount of sex, for example, including references to rape and necrophilia. THIS IS A CHILDREN’S BOOK FOR GOODNESS SAKE.

 

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Hold up, what is this about Hermoine and Harry being a thing? NO. Just no.

 

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But wait, it gets more explicit. Watch as it all hits him and reality comes flooding in.

 

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Suddenly everything is up for questioning. In this upside down version of the wizarding world, what is true and what is false?

Hint: pretty much everything is false.

Including almost all of the characters’ backstories. I’m sorry, sex with a goat? Potion addiction? Getting “all muscley”?!?!

 

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You can almost feel his heart breaking here. *sigh*

 

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You’ve got to give props where they’re due, though, because the author(s) of this fanfic managed to dupe a journalist, someone occupationally dedicated to the truth. Kudos, fanfic author, wherever you may be. We were all shipping Harry and Hermoine anyway.

 

Check out the full Twitter story here: @shelzhang

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Top comments
By  ThatHorse  |  15

So I actually got to chat with Shelley when she started posting these and I should add a minor correction here. From what she was able to figure out chatting with her friend the first four books were the actual books and only the fifth one had been replaced with fanfiction. They did also figure out which one it was on the twitter thread and someone linked it there for others to read. It's apparently quite a good read from what they said, but I've never read it nor do I plan to.

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By  CiaphasCain2  |  18

The does certainly sound like some quite interesting books, actually. I mean, a whole castle up to the roof with pubertating teens/young adults, theres quite a chance that at least something should of happened.

By  ThatHorse  |  15

So I actually got to chat with Shelley when she started posting these and I should add a minor correction here. From what she was able to figure out chatting with her friend the first four books were the actual books and only the fifth one had been replaced with fanfiction. They did also figure out which one it was on the twitter thread and someone linked it there for others to read. It's apparently quite a good read from what they said, but I've never read it nor do I plan to.

By  Taurus_ChicKa  |  26

I'e never read any of the Harry Potter books, and I am quite content with that. I tried to read the first book years ago and fell asleep after three pages. The fan fiction sounds like it might be better than the real thing. At least there's something in it besides the unbelievable suppressed lust of a teenage boy. Yeah, like any teenage boy would be stupid nervous, almost frightened, to kiss a girl.

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