Happy National Be A Millionaire Day! Here&#039;s 14 FMLs About Money (Or, The Lack Of it.)

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Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

2. Rude.

By UnicornPancake - 25/4/2018 15:00

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Today, during my daughter's 8th birthday at a skating rink, a family showed up that didn't RSVP. The mother brought all 3 of her kids and left them at the party alone. She didn't feed them lunch and they followed me around the whole time asking for money. FML

3. Go away, kiddies.

By Stephanie Peugh - 15/4/2018 19:30 - United States - Loudonville

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Today, for the second time in a year, I am a victim of bank fraud. All my money was in there, and I move today. FML

4. HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?

By BrokeAsHeck - 23/3/2018 15:00

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Today, it's my 18th birthday. As I moved out of home to study, and currently spend 95% of my wage on rent, I asked my mother for any amount of money as my gift. I desperately need new shoes and underwear, and haven't eaten for two days. Instead, I got a pair of earrings. FML

5. Thanks, mom!

By HungryBird - 4/3/2018 01:00 - Australia - Peakhurst

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Today, my mother started fostering a child to make some money. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she didn't make me babysit the kid and take him to and from school every day because she's "too busy". I work full-time and she's unemployed. FML

6. Time is money.

By Anonymous - 21/2/2018 14:00 - United Kingdom - Poole

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500

Today, it was my first day at a new gym, which cost a fortune. Some skinny teen who had clearly never lifted in his life dropped a weight while I was stretching and broke my ankle. Money down the drain. FML

7. Do you even lift, bro?

By Anonymous - 17/2/2018 19:00

Man vs Boy

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Today, after getting my first debit card, I spent £60 on porn online. My mum made me print off a statement at the ATM as she wanted to know where my money had gone. She saw everything and cut up my card. FML

8. I think we can all agree this guy lost 60 bucks on something you can get for free online.

By adc2502 - 2/2/2018 11:00

That was short-lived.

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Today, I'm so broke that I had a money nightmare. I'd accidentally purchased a single potato for exactly $22 and it was non-refundable. FML

9. THIS IS A NIGHTMARE

By TheLostCauseFML - 31/12/2018 08:00 - United States - Quitman

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Today, I discovered that I don't have a college fund. My mother stole the money when she divorced my dad and he never bothered to tell me. Now he's offered to pay my tuition if I go to a military academy. If I don't take the offer, he wants me to move out by next Friday. FML

10. So what you're saying is you have to move out either way.

By BirdBrain - 14/12/2017 19:00

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Today, my brother robbed someone. The victim spoke with me and said that if his $1500 was paid back, he wouldn’t press charges. After I gave him the money, I questioned my brother until he admitted doing it. He only took $200. FML

11. Looks like someone else was robbed today.

By Buggy - 12/12/2017 18:30 - United States - Atmore

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Today, I learned that the new granite countertop in my parents' house cost $12,000. Coincidentally, this is also the amount of money I would have needed to go to the college of my dreams instead of the cheaper school I currently attend. FML

12. Conincidence!

By lessimportantthanatable - 15/11/2017 12:00 - United States - Northfield

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Today, my boyfriend and I won $1,000 on a scratch-off, but when he tried to cash it in they told him he owed money to the state so we got nothing. If I had done it instead we would have gotten the money. FML

13. This is the most frustrating FML ever.

By Anonymous - 13/11/2017 19:00

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Today, after almost a year of working two jobs, I managed to save up $2,000. I decided to treat myself to a week in Japan, but while walking to the Japanese Embassy to exchange my dollars for yen, I got robbed at gunpoint. I had the money in cash. FML

14. Call the po-po.

By BetterThanWastingItIGuess - 11/11/2017 13:00 - Panama - Panama

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Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

By Nadine / Thursday 17 May 2018 16:51 / France

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Incognito browsing

Spread the news

Risky business

By angelamegan21 - 28/5/2014 20:33 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

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Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet while sitting on it using the phone, I have a stomach bug and diarrhea. FML

By "Sam Fazackerley" - 27/11/2019 20:00

What a shame!

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Today, after I found out my husband cheated on me and then yesterday had to stop him from trying to kill himself, he's now moved out and has decided that this is all my fault. FML

By Anonymous - 17/10/2020 11:02

Yeah, just blame me!

1217

Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML

By themarrowguy - 23/8/2013 10:06 - United States

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Today, after the booty call I work with became a lead, a position I was guaranteed, he's spread awful, untrue things about me around the office and since he became buddy buddy with management, they believed him. Don't shit where you eat, kids. FML

By - 29/4/2019 14:00

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Today, I woke up at 2:30 AM. Thinking I was going to be late for my 3:30 AM flight, I rushed into the bathroom to shower. As I came out of the shower, I slipped and broke my arm. I then realized my flight is tomorrow. FML

By Anonymous - 17/1/2010 00:46 - Canada

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Today, I was told I'm not invited to my best friend's birthday party. Apparently, being divorced and childless doesn't "mesh" well with the rest of the group. My parents are still watching her kids so she can go away for the weekend. FML

By Foreveralone - 22/7/2016 08:54 - United States - Hartford

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Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML

By loser - 17/2/2009 23:33 - United States

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Today, I'm looking forward to my orthodontist's appointment more than I'm looking forward to my birthday. FML

By Ugh - 14/6/2016 20:41 - New Zealand - Auckland

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Today, I was talking to a girl online and she stopped talking to me abruptly after seeing my picture. FML

By Anonymous - 6/2/2017 21:00 - Canada - Jansen

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Today, my mom and I went to the mall to look for some boxer briefs. While looking, I saw two girls I knew from school, so I went over to say hello. At least, that was my plan, but my mom screamed, "Look! These have dinosaurs on them!" They left the store giggling. FML

By dinosaurboy - 6/2/2010 20:01 - United States

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Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML

By perverted teenage girl - 29/11/2016 21:51

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Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

By willywonks - 21/3/2009 05:33 - United States

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Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

By Bathroom Problems - 2/1/2010 19:24 - France

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Today, I was talking to my boss at the end of an awesome internship. He said he was really satisfied with my work, and that he had considered hiring me. Turns out he decided not to because I smile too much and it unnerves him. FML

By Greenskies - 9/12/2015 15:26 - France - Corneilla-del-vercol

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Today, my school's theatre decided to produce Les Misérables. I got the part of Éponine. My boyfriend, being a talented performer, could have gotten any part he wanted. However, he only wanted to play the soldier responsible for killing Éponine. FML

By Anonymous - 23/1/2013 18:03 - United States

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Today, I had to use a sick day from the school I teach at. While I was off, another teacher called me mid delirium, because my students were borderline rioting over the work I left for them. I'd asked them to read a book and edit the one-page essay they've had two weeks to work on. FML

By norestforthewicked - 2/3/2016 20:41 - United States

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Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that yes, girls do get armpit hair, we just have to shave it. FML

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 00:02

Smash the Patriarchy!

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Today, my grandpa sent me a letter apologizing for not congratulating me about my graduation last spring. Too bad I don't graduate until May. FML

By chill - 17/12/2009 22:08 - United States

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Today, my family savagely mocked me to the point of tears, all for using "big", "fancy" words like "accommodations" and "hospitality". FML

By probablyadopted1 - 4/5/2016 16:39 - United States - Houston

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Today, I went fishing. Not only did I lose the fish, I lost the entire rod. FML

By Anonymous - 10/8/2019 06:00 - United States - New Rochelle

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Today, my step-brother went grocery shopping alone for the first time. He came home with Ramen and 14 bottles of chocolate milk, which will expire by the 20th. My step-dad is insisting we eat it so it doesn't go to waste. FML

By noodlesandmilk - 13/12/2015 14:10 - Australia - Canberra

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Today, I showed up to work at 6am, only to find out the schedule was changed. I wasn't actually supposed to be there until 9:15. My boss never told me this. I didn't get to go home either, he just said "Oh well. Get to work." FML

By Tired - 12/1/2015 14:36 - United States - San Francisco

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Today, after having to move home with my parents because I'm broke and can't seem to find a job, my mom found out I'm on anti-depressants. She and my dad will no longer be helping with money because she doesn't like "drugs". FML

By Elsine - 2/10/2018 13:30

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Today, I got to my human anatomy class with a hickey on my neck. Since I sit in the front row, my professor noticed and decided to call me to the front. He then started talking about ruptured blood vessels and hickeys, all while as I served as the subject. FML

By nonymous human subject - 14/11/2015 20:02 - United States - Palo Alto

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7800

Today, my boss ordered me to read the Twilight series in order to determine if they are "appropriate" for his daughter to read. I'm a 25-year-old bank teller, and I definitely don't remember this in my job description. FML

By that violates the Geneva conventions - 5/8/2016 09:33 - United States - Simi Valley

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Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

By Blueberrypicc - 13/8/2010 01:01 - United States

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Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because they don't have to worry about me getting into trouble or having a teen pregnancy. FML

By uglynerd - 26/5/2013 00:45 - United States - Streamwood

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Today, I had an admissions interview at my dream college. I spent hours practicing questions and picking the perfect outfit. It was not until after the interview that I realized I'd scratched a pimple while waiting, and my forehead had been smeared with blood the entire time. FML

By Anonymous - 7/6/2012 18:09 - United States - Charlotte

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Today, I had to X-ray an 81 year old lady. The clothes she was wearing would show up on the X-ray so I had to make her change into a gown. I found out the hard way that 81 year olds still go commando. FML

By ugamayne - 17/2/2010 12:50 - United States

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Today, I confided to my boyfriend that I have a condition that causes me to grow thick toe hair. He now won't stop calling me "the sexy Hobbit." FML

By sexyhobbit - 12/7/2014 00:26 - United States - Pittsburgh

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Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend asked me out is because he thought I "looked like a girl who'd be into anal". FML

By analgirl - 9/11/2014 13:31 - France - Paris

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Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML

By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 19:28 - Germany - Nuremberg

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Today, my boyfriend of six months, who happened to be my first kiss, broke up with me after borrowing 120 dollars. Not twenty minutes later, he was at the bar drinking with my brothers and my dad. FML

By - 23/11/2019 01:00

The hustler

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Today, while playing basketball with my new coworkers, I managed to get the ball stuck between the hoop and backboard. In trying to free it, I also got a traffic cone stuck and ended up having to drag a large ladder across the court while everyone watched. FML

By awkwardballer - 24/5/2016 16:53

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Today, my dad told me he has money set aside for when he has to bail me out of jail because "it's bound to happen sooner or later." FML

By Anonymous - 12/6/2011 19:21 - United States

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Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML

By Anonymous - 24/1/2011 05:40 - Egypt

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Today, I am contemplating ending my relationship of 6 years. My boyfriend is too busy playing with a plastic guitar to listen. FML

By fyou - 24/1/2009 22:09 - United States

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Today, I decided to talk to a girl at the gym I had seen there a lot. I walked up to her at the station she was at and asked her out to dinner sometime. I didn't realize she had been wearing headphones. She took them off and asked if I was waiting on the station. My courage left. I said yes. FML

By Aaron - 9/12/2012 23:34 - United States - Matthews

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Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML

By Ohgreat - 17/10/2009 16:25 - United States

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