Happy National Be A Millionaire Day! Here&#039;s 14 FMLs About Money (Or, The Lack Of it.)

3742

1086

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

2. Rude.

By UnicornPancake - 25/4/2018 15:00

3379

375

Today, during my daughter's 8th birthday at a skating rink, a family showed up that didn't RSVP. The mother brought all 3 of her kids and left them at the party alone. She didn't feed them lunch and they followed me around the whole time asking for money. FML

3. Go away, kiddies.

By Stephanie Peugh - 15/4/2018 19:30 - United States - Loudonville

5172

285

Today, for the second time in a year, I am a victim of bank fraud. All my money was in there, and I move today. FML

4. HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?

By BrokeAsHeck - 23/3/2018 15:00

4240

291

Today, it's my 18th birthday. As I moved out of home to study, and currently spend 95% of my wage on rent, I asked my mother for any amount of money as my gift. I desperately need new shoes and underwear, and haven't eaten for two days. Instead, I got a pair of earrings. FML

5. Thanks, mom!

By HungryBird - 4/3/2018 01:00 - Australia - Peakhurst

4854

562

Today, my mother started fostering a child to make some money. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she didn't make me babysit the kid and take him to and from school every day because she's "too busy". I work full-time and she's unemployed. FML

6. Time is money.

By Anonymous - 21/2/2018 14:00 - United Kingdom - Poole

5207

499

Today, it was my first day at a new gym, which cost a fortune. Some skinny teen who had clearly never lifted in his life dropped a weight while I was stretching and broke my ankle. Money down the drain. FML

7. Do you even lift, bro?

By Anonymous - 17/2/2018 19:00

Man vs Boy

4833

276

Today, after getting my first debit card, I spent £60 on porn online. My mum made me print off a statement at the ATM as she wanted to know where my money had gone. She saw everything and cut up my card. FML

8. I think we can all agree this guy lost 60 bucks on something you can get for free online.

By adc2502 - 2/2/2018 11:00

That was short-lived.

1955

8309

Today, I'm so broke that I had a money nightmare. I'd accidentally purchased a single potato for exactly $22 and it was non-refundable. FML

9. THIS IS A NIGHTMARE

By TheLostCauseFML - 31/12/2018 08:00 - United States - Quitman

4546

404

Today, I discovered that I don't have a college fund. My mother stole the money when she divorced my dad and he never bothered to tell me. Now he's offered to pay my tuition if I go to a military academy. If I don't take the offer, he wants me to move out by next Friday. FML

10. So what you're saying is you have to move out either way.

By BirdBrain - 14/12/2017 19:00

5853

353

Today, my brother robbed someone. The victim spoke with me and said that if his $1500 was paid back, he wouldn’t press charges. After I gave him the money, I questioned my brother until he admitted doing it. He only took $200. FML

11. Looks like someone else was robbed today.

By Buggy - 12/12/2017 18:30 - United States - Atmore

3089

4977

Today, I learned that the new granite countertop in my parents' house cost $12,000. Coincidentally, this is also the amount of money I would have needed to go to the college of my dreams instead of the cheaper school I currently attend. FML

12. Conincidence!

By lessimportantthanatable - 15/11/2017 12:00 - United States - Northfield

4601

930

Today, my boyfriend and I won $1,000 on a scratch-off, but when he tried to cash it in they told him he owed money to the state so we got nothing. If I had done it instead we would have gotten the money. FML

13. This is the most frustrating FML ever.

By Anonymous - 13/11/2017 19:00

3456

1601

Today, after almost a year of working two jobs, I managed to save up $2,000. I decided to treat myself to a week in Japan, but while walking to the Japanese Embassy to exchange my dollars for yen, I got robbed at gunpoint. I had the money in cash. FML

14. Call the po-po.

By BetterThanWastingItIGuess - 11/11/2017 13:00 - Panama - Panama

4661

797

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

By Nadine / Thursday 17 May 2018 16:51 / France

FMLNews

Family values

The opposite of a good idea

You snooze, you lose

By anonymous - 27/11/2009 09:20 - United States

25128

7505

Today, I finished my last day of job training. At the beginning, the boss had told us to ask as many questions as possible. I was fired because I asked too many questions. FML

By peepa - 10/9/2017 04:30

3999

405

Today, despite being the fittest member of my family, with a good exercise routine and a decent diet, I'm the only one who was just diagnosed with diabetes. Meanwhile, the rest of my family are fat, lazy slobs who eat like shit, but are otherwise healthy as horses FML

By Anonymous - 3/7/2019 16:04

1753

228

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

By calidumbass - 14/1/2011 19:43 - United States

8639

121145

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I've recently become serious about getting fit, and have lost nearly 84 pounds. Apparently, when I was fat, I made her look smaller in comparison. When I got slimmer, she insisted I either gain the weight back or she'd leave. So she did. FML

By Anonymous - 28/2/2016 15:57 - United Kingdom

27223

1613

Today, I went to the doctor to get my swollen lymph nodes checked. As it turns out, they aren't swollen. I'm just fat. FML

By Sam - 14/10/2017 04:30

2871

870

Today, it was the first day of school, and I split my pants. In a full class. While on a stage. I'm the teacher, and I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

By full moon - 8/9/2016 02:37 - Canada - Ottawa

13844

8914

Today, I went to the cemetery to visit a friend. As I was looking for his burial plot, I fell into a dug out grave and had to call my partner to come help me get out. FML

By onwardsandupwards - 21/1/2020 14:00

Need help

1878

420

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

By BatBee - 3/8/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

15224

1493

Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML

By whateven333 - 18/2/2015 04:02 - United States - Gibsonia

32748

2657

Today, I was making out with a guy in a washroom at a party. Things got heavy and the guy lifted me onto the sink. The sink broke off from the wall. This caused a flood in the apartment. The party was canceled. FML

By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 15:57 - Canada

16910

38338

Today, after I got fed up and told my bullying step-brother exactly what I thought of him, he became overly polite. He then admitted that me shouting at him was the most turned on he's ever been in his life. Now he loves me and wants to be my "submissive" boyfriend. FML

By Therapy needed urgently - 8/4/2018 19:00

Kinky.

5442

401

Today, while at the mall I opened a bathroom stall thinking nobody was in there. The door just didn't close properly. I hit an elderly woman in the head. FML

By FckMyLife - 24/3/2011 14:46 - United States

26676

10040

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

By Krissy. - 31/3/2009 07:04 - United States

75584

4960

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

By Anonymous - 3/8/2013 20:01 - Portugal

61865

9151

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML

By S12Sophia - 2/5/2012 22:06 - France

34814

5406

Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML

By addie - 3/3/2013 08:27 - United States

32091

3048

Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML

By Anonymous - 5/8/2013 15:33 - United States

47801

4699

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He is the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

By verno02 - 10/8/2010 23:58 - Canada

35903

8750

Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML

By Larz - 26/1/2011 21:49 - Canada

29853

3623

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

By Anonymous - 12/8/2019 04:01

1398

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

By JennyAndrews - 5/12/2009 08:44 - United Arab Emirates

15096

30980

Today, I attended my college roommate's wedding. We were best friends for 4 years, but have only talked occasionally since graduation. I was looking forward to meeting her new husband, having heard so much about him during our conversations. Turns out she forgot to mention he's my ex. FML

By Betrayed - 27/8/2012 06:11 - United States

29994

2390

Today, I fell out of the shower. It was still on. Bracing my fall, I reached into the toilet. It wasn't flushed. FML

By Ackbar - 27/2/2009 15:18 - United States

48572

15406

Today, I went to give my boyfriend a hug and accidentally knocked his brand new phone out of his hand. The screen was broken. FML

By minac11 - 26/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Brooklyn

I am sorry!

1664

300

Today, while shopping at Wal-Mart, a guy grabbed my butt. When I turned around to slap him, he shook his head, said "Nice ass but such an ugly face", then walked away. I've never been told I'm ugly before. FML

By thathurt - 1/1/2012 00:51 - United States

36899

8356

Today, I submitted an entry for a logo design contest for my employer. Apparently, it is possible to lose a contest even when you had the only entry. FML

By Anonymous - 21/11/2009 20:51 - United States

31786

4065

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

By Iman - 4/5/2009 06:12 - United States

116503

292737

Today, I was happily playing with my young niece and nephew. Their grandmother was watching and said, "You are so good with children! Why don't you have any?" My husband died 3 months ago. FML

By kiddoc - 26/10/2011 02:28 - United States

56773

2847

Today, I learned that my boyfriend is cheating on me with not one, not two, but nine girls. How he did it, I don't even know. How I found out? I was coming into my room to surprise him for his birthday and saw him having a threesome. We have kids. FML

By Very Divorced - 10/10/2018 20:00 - United States - San Antonio

4610

413

Today, my girlfriend admitted to me that she has been sleeping with someone on her girls basketball team, which at first turned me on. Then I found out he's the team manager. FML

By SweetStuff88 - 15/11/2012 13:37 - United States

30408

9582

Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML

By Anonymous - 19/5/2012 22:54 - United States

32408

2836

Today, at our wedding reception my new father-in-law gave his speech, saying his little girl was too good for me. Everyone, including my parents, agreed. FML

By shades - 9/1/2012 03:43 - United Kingdom

33265

3388

Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML

By blazer - 30/6/2009 00:40 - United States

78806

14553

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

By Anon - 30/1/2009 11:39 - Canada

25225

7368

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

By drunk under 18 teenager - 19/8/2014 13:37 - Morocco - Marrakech

27037

50042

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

By BbyDelight - 27/4/2009 03:39 - Canada

54650

8593

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

By Anonymous - 16/7/2012 00:12 - Canada - Brampton

45785

2207

Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML

By Jeff - 25/8/2009 17:09 - United States

67268

6887

Today, it was my birthday. We had a huge family dinner and everyone was invited, including my boyfriend. My family is kind of stuck-up, so I was very nervous about him meeting them. He got into an argument with my uncle over how "awesome" Van Halen is, and ignored me all night. FML

By SNBBFF - 25/10/2011 07:10 - United States

27786

4277