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Doritos Comes out with Female-Friendly “Crunchless” Chips And It’s Exactly As Ridiculous As It Sounds

An FML for all womankind.

You’ve heard of the tampon tax and you’ve heard of the wage gap. Now we’d like to introduce you “Doritos For Women.”

Doritos has solved the problem that did not exist. Furthering the gender stereotype that women should be seen and not heard, Doritos has decided that women would like a “quieter, less messy” chip that would encourage women to eat it more.

PepsiCo global chief Indra Nooyi explained in an interview with Freakonomics that men will “lick their fingers with great glee” while eating Doritos, but that women are a bit less ‘gleeful’ about being caught eating in public.

“Women would love to do the same, but they don’t. They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers.”

Thank you for finally seeing us for who we are, Doritos. Women. Women who want to stay clean. Women who don’t like to be seen eating such a masculine treat. When women do eat Doritos, and risk showing our manly ‘ape-ish’ side, we do so in private, away from the prying eyes of potential suitors.

Yes, we get it. Women are dainty, fragile sweet creatures who in fact, should not eat at all. If we did eat, it would lead to pooping, and we all know that women certainly do not do that. Instead, women get their nourishment from rose petal bubble baths and heartfelt chats with the girls. We are fulfilled by the men who surround us and keep us from falling apart completely. We wait patiently for our men to return home, open up a bag of doritos, and watch them chomp away into the bag of masculinity. And then, when we inevitably become incredibly aroused, we make love to our partners, become pregnant, and fulfil our destinies as beings on this planet -- ceasing to exist altogether.

Seem a little ridiculous? So does “Doritos: for her.” Ironically, this decision originated from the desire to gain more women snackers, though we can’t imagine being more put off by the chip now that we know it’s played into such a ridiculous stereotype.

“the no-crunch chip bags will be smaller and more compact, designed to fit in a lady's purse so she can have Doritos with her at all times.”

Ah, and there you have it. The final nail on the sexist coffin. To ensure you’re really coming out with a top of the line sexist product, you’ve got to give the women less of something but charge the same amount, or more.

But, like, at least it will fit into our purses. Thanks, Doritos. xoxoxo.

By Nadine / Tuesday 6 February 2018 16:07 /
FMLNews

Proactive

Vulture

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

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Top comments
By  PhoenixChick  |  26

The weird thing is, if they wanted to aim at the steretypically girly-girly market, the thing that actually bothers that type of girl isn't the crunch or licking their fingrs clean- it's the stain that chips like doritos and cheetos leave on fingers and anything else they touch.

They didn't even get their sexist marketing right.

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By  Liongoddess8  |  18

I don't give a shit how loudly I'm crunching when I'm enjoying my cheesy Doritos. And hell yes, I'll lick my fingers when I'm done. Thank you, Doritos for ruining one of my favourite snacks for me.

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By  PhoenixChick  |  26

The weird thing is, if they wanted to aim at the steretypically girly-girly market, the thing that actually bothers that type of girl isn't the crunch or licking their fingrs clean- it's the stain that chips like doritos and cheetos leave on fingers and anything else they touch.

They didn't even get their sexist marketing right.

Send a private message 27 2 Reply
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  Dayle Ross Diamond  |  4

You are a hundred percent wrong! It wasn't the marketing department, it was the CEO. And she made the exact point you did, that's where all this came from. I listened to her interview with Freakonomics Podcast. It's not hard to find. How did you manage to get outraged enough to post but not outraged enough to look it up?

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By  Liongoddess8  |  18

I don't give a shit how loudly I'm crunching when I'm enjoying my cheesy Doritos. And hell yes, I'll lick my fingers when I'm done. Thank you, Doritos for ruining one of my favourite snacks for me.

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By  interesting33  |  36

I wonder of this is based on stereotypes or genuine research. My limited understanding of business is that they do look at various demographics and do market research to find out why people might prefer one thing to another. this might well be based on real research. I can imagine some women not liking crisps that are too loud and Doritos responding to that.

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  Dayle Ross Diamond  |  4

It's from personal observation from the CEO of PepsiCo. She did an interview with Freakonomics Podcast that touched on gender preferences in food choices. I heard it, and I thought she was interesting. Context wasn't linked because it ruins the narrative.

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  OlRed  |  28

While the CEOs observation may have been linked to that discussion, that discussion had nothing to do with chips or Doritos probably. I do remember an FML on here a while back about someone complaining how their coworker in a quiet office crunched there carrots too loudly and the crunch was annoying. I’m assuming the focus group was talking more about something like that then chips. Still, I would not advise creating a crunchless chip for a brand whose advertisement campaign has been centered around their thundering crunch and especially not to do so in a gendered way. If you want something less crunchy, get a cheese puff.

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By  Glowworm56  |  25

I don't even like Doritos. Also, they leave an orange stain on the fingers that's really hard to get off without it still feeling cheesy and greasy afterwards.

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  Liongoddess8  |  18

Then maybe she should take other people's perspectives into consideration. Just because she's probably your typical perfectionist girly-girl who, God forbid, makes a single crunching sound whilst she's eating a snack that's meant to be crunchy. We're not all the same as her. All this does is exemplify the stereotype that women are supposed to be seen and not heard.

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By  RichardPencil  |  30

Yay!!! I might finally lose my virginity and maybe even procreate! Many times I’d get close and hear a woman make crunching noises with her mouth-parts and I’m horrified what her lady-parts will do to my man-biscuit. Yikes! With crunchless Doritos, I may actually experience sexual congress.

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By  swervelol  |  28

The only reason I would like this product is because I’ve got such bad anxiety that I don’t like eating loudly. But that has nothing to do with the entirety of women. Honestly probably would have been better to just brand them as a new chip and you could figure out on your own that they don’t crunch really loud, but now it would just be an embarrassment to be caught buying into their stereotyping.

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  Damian Hassett  |  2

Ok, hear me out all the way to the end. I once bought my ex, what I thought were beautiful and attractive, a set of real pearl necklace and bracelet for our anniversary. She said they were to big and gaudy and she would never wear them. I ended up returning them and just gave her the cash out of frustration. Another time, no anniversary instead for need, I bought her a coffee maker. Nothing big, just one to use for coffee and to be put in the pantry afterwards. Well, apparently I know nothing about interior decorating because she informed me it was the wrong color and didn't match our kitchen appliances. This time I returned it and bought myself a triple shot caramel macchiato from Starbucks. I'm not done yet. 15 years into our marriage I was diagnosed with GIST cancer and had major abdominal surgery to remove two thirds of my stomach, a section of my small intestine, a chunk of liver, and nineteen lymph nodes. Less than a year into recovery I was accused of not loving her enough or showing it enough and accused of cheating on her. At this point, mind you, I was down to 111 pounds and could hardly walk due to the lack of padding under my feet bones. I come to find out she was cheating on me while I was alone in our bed trying to raise our beautiful daughters the best way I could. FML? NO! F HERS!

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