Close Encounters of the FML Kind.
It's time we talk about our friends, the aliens. Perhaps you don't believe in them, but I'm here to tell you they exist. They are in your dreams, they’re in the shadows, they walk among us. They try really hard to blend in, but they're always a little bit off. You know, like this guy:
And this child who clearly didn't read the instructions on the ice cream bar wrapper?
Yep, he's an alien. What about this lady using a neti pot?
You guessed it, alien. Oh, and these guys?
They've done a great job assimilating into our human culture. In fact, your aunt is one, probably. Some toll booth workers are them. Ever seen a cat? Good chance it's an alien. All the famous people that died last year? Cause of death: subversive alien genocide. Point is, the aliens are here and probably were before we were. Who’s we? Are you beginning to question whether or not we are all humans here? Because I sure am. Maybe we’re all aliens. Spooky, eh?
In this week’s FML selection, we venture into the extraterrestrial and challenge the non-believers.
Today, my girlfriend of eight years explained to me that the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a B.S. in Biology and an M.S. in Anthropology, and I am working on my Ph.D. She thinks I'm an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML
Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML
Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML
Today, my family dragged me to an Alien-themed museum. They're convinced they were once abducted and felt up by creatures from outer space. They talk, and spend all their money, on nothing else. I'm hungry. FML
Today, I found out that one of my colleagues believes that aliens built the pyramids. No amount of logical reasoning or evidence has had any effect on his argument of, "but you can't prove they didn't." FML
Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML
Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my dad about my worries for my mental health. He then told me about the tracking device the aliens had implanted in his hand when they abducted him. There's nothing like family. FML
To wrap up this selection, let's take a look at some more humanoid ETs, like the one true god:
Or Alaska Barbie.
Their alien spawn?
And of course, these ATLiens.
Well, you get the picture.
Live long and prosper, homeskillets.