FML : Blowy Blunders

Blowy Blunders

By Nina / dimanche 25 juin 2017 07:00

Prepare yourself from some gross gifs because in this week's FML Select, we're sharing stories of BJs gone bad.

Alright alright alright.

Yup, you read that right... We're talking about bobbing for apples, playing the skin flute, getting your knees dirty, and slurping the gherkin. Everything about giving head makes them worthy of the FML Select. I mean, balls. 'Nuff said.

But if the prospect of having man's hanging fruit oh so close to your face wasn't enough to make you second guess doing the deed, take it from these users: blowy-j's aren't always a walk in the park. And I mean for everyone involved. Sticking the most sensitive part of your body into an orifice lined with teeth that are there for the express purpose of biting things off...

Just think about that as you scroll through these FMLs.

Watch out! Blowies can be dangerous. Be sure to exercise caution when doing the deed.

Today, as I was crossing a street, a car hit me and broke two of my ribs. The driver was too busy paying attention to his girlfriend who was giving him a blowjob from the passenger seat. I could see the look of ecstasy on his face as he rammed into me and drove off without noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Sean / Sunday 14 August 2016 04:00 / Canada - Toronto

Need a tip (heh)? Ask grandma, she's been around the block a few times.

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Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By butnotlikethat - / Saturday 16 March 2013 00:05 / China - Nanchang

You see, it's all about give and take. First, let's take a look at the giving side.

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Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous / Tuesday 7 April 2015 21:00 / Canada - Calgary

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Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

Phew, glad it wasn't me

By oh gee / Monday 2 May 2016 05:01 /

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Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By anonymous / Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:03 / Canada - North Vancouver

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Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By chacha / Saturday 28 November 2009 18:11 / United States

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Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By bugger / Sunday 22 February 2015 17:31 /

The truth is, it's not always a field of roses to be on the receiving end either.

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Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Moth_Balled - / Tuesday 15 December 2015 04:50 / Australia

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Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Sal - / Tuesday 3 March 2009 18:29 / United States

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Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By shmarf - / Saturday 20 June 2015 06:00 / United States - Belton

Okay, so I lied. It was really just that last gif that was gross. But, come on, you've gotta admit it's pretty gnarly.

-Nina

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By Ashamed_Sister | 54

#7475964 - Sunday 25 June 2017 20:32

As grandma said, it’s an acquired taste, so even the last one could acquire it if his girlfriend does this more frequently.

By RichardPencil | 25

#7476022 - Sunday 25 June 2017 23:39

To the guy who did a surprise cum-swap: After you nut in a lady's mouth, you must engage in a nice, long conversation before kissing her. One interesting topic to bring up is oral hygiene and the pleasures of frequent tooth-brushing.

Michael Frederick | 7

#7475972 - Sunday 25 June 2017 20:57

That's absolutely disgusting..Js. ???

#7475973 - Sunday 25 June 2017 20:59

Those question marks were emoji's with the mask over the mouth..like i was gonna puke. Lol

Talented73 | 53

#7476876 - Wednesday 28 June 2017 1:51

A guy goes into a brothel and tells the madam that he only has $5. She says, "You're in luck, we're running a special today. Go down the hall and she's in the last room on the right". So he goes in and does his business, and when he shoots his load, goo squirts out of her mouth, nose and ears. He went and told the madam who said, "Oh, it's okay, don't worry about it.... HEY SAM, THE DEAD ONE'S FULL AGAIN...."