By Anonymous - 21/8/2021 16:01

Blackout

  Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML
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By  RichardPencil  |  30

In whose handwriting were the words Top Secret written? Yours?

If there's nothing on the stick, it may have been downloaded into you. You may have been digitally stimulated.

You should get a pregnancy test. Get one that detects the Robot Apocalypse!

And get yourself to a Cat AA meeting -- your drinking problem seems less bad than the cat who steals $500 whiskey.

COMMENTS
By  RichardPencil  |  30

In whose handwriting were the words Top Secret written? Yours?

If there's nothing on the stick, it may have been downloaded into you. You may have been digitally stimulated.

You should get a pregnancy test. Get one that detects the Robot Apocalypse!

And get yourself to a Cat AA meeting -- your drinking problem seems less bad than the cat who steals $500 whiskey.

By  Plop  |  14

It seems like you took kunoichi (female ninja) training the day before. Check whether the USB stick doesn't contain your degree as a secret file, because that seems like the way they'd be sending it to you.

P.S.: watch out for possible infections, since duct tape isn't very clean and some of the glue might have leaked. The best thing to do is probably to give a quick call to your Ob/Gyn to check with them and during your next shower have a good rub down there with some appropriate soap (not regular one, as it destroys the microbiome and might cause other infections).

By  Taurus_ChicKa  |  36

Or you need to stop drinking entirely and deal with your issues instead of drowning them in alcohol. I know it's difficult, but trust me, alcohol will only make your problems worse.