Black Friday Struggles

Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML

Business savvy

Extreme late fees

Property law

By Noname - 25/2/2009 23:56 - United States

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Today, at school, I saw the guy I like at his locker. I decided to run up from behind and surprise him. I ended up accidentally slamming his locker on his fingers. FML

By saxophone911 - 13/4/2013 15:52 - United States

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Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 06:37 - United States

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Today, I found out that my brother buys audiobooks only to play them on "mute" so that he can tell everyone that he read them later and flaunt the proof. The rest of my family think he is a genius for reading War and Peace in two days and won't listen to me. FML

By Kiki - 23/6/2016 23:54 - United Kingdom - London

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Today, I received a bill from PayPal stating I owe $350 for an account that's linked to an email that I haven't used since 2015. I can't get into the account because someone hacked it and changed the password and security questions. Customer support is no help because I have no info about it. FML

By Unlucky - 4/9/2018 14:30

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Today, I was playing in a basketball game and blocked this kid's shot. I was really pumped up about it until I realized the kid had cerebral palsy and the coach put him on the team because he really wanted to be on at least one team in his life. FML

By jalapenos99 - 2/4/2009 00:36 - United States

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Today, my mom got drunk and told me that the man I have called dad for the past 27 years isn't my real father. Oh and don't say anything to him about it. FML

By Anonymous - 10/2/2017 05:00 - United States - Saint Cloud

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Today, I was at church with some friends and our counselor, who had recently came back from Taiwan. I was born there and love to visit, so I immediately exclaimed, "How lucky!" A few seconds of awkward silence later, he said, "I was visiting my dad who was just diagnosed with cancer." FML

By goodjobme - 23/2/2016 06:53 - United States - Torrance

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Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML

By blueglover - 27/3/2012 07:40 - United States - Perris

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Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

By anonymous - 27/11/2009 09:20 - United States

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Today, I found out why my girlfriend comes over for dinner so often. She thinks my dad is a real babe. FML

By jack - 23/4/2012 02:43 - Australia - Melbourne

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Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

By lanz4949 - 19/3/2013 04:40 - Canada - Calgary

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Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML

By Anonymous - 1/12/2012 05:59 - United States - Saint Louis

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Today, my boyfriend cancelled our vacation plans because I'll be on my period, arguing that, "It wouldn't be a real holiday." FML

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 16:44 - France

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Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML

By lilzoot - 8/2/2009 03:19 - United States

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Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML

By Anonymous - 16/3/2011 12:53 - United States

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Today, at work, I have discovered the wonderful feeling of having a paper cut, with metal, under your nail, on all your nails. FML

By Moon_Glade - 3/6/2017 16:00

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Today, my mother taught my 98-year-old great-uncle to knock on the wall if he needs us. He can't remember who we are, but every hour he can remember to knock to ask, "Is it breakfast yet?" FML

By can't sleep - 18/3/2014 08:36 - United States - Crown Point

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Today, while I was on the bus to work, a morbidly obese man sat down next to me. When my stop came and I stood up to get off, he just looked at me, said with a smirk, "good luck with that," and went back to reading his paper. I missed my stop. FML

By busfail - 22/3/2012 18:00 - Canada - Burnaby

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Today, the most action I had on Valentine's day was a homeless guy pulling his dick out at me as I walked home from work. FML

By peachykeen - 15/2/2016 01:05 - United States - Savannah

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Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

By Anonymous - 17/4/2013 23:01 - United States - Bristol

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Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML

By Anonymous - 2/5/2013 15:04 - United States - Houston

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Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML

By Anonymous - 15/2/2010 10:02 - United Kingdom

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Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML

By tbee - 6/9/2014 00:13 - United States - East Carondelet

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Today, my colleagues were excitedly talking about going for drinks after work. I heard one of them ask, Is Sam coming?' and shortly after leave without me. I'm Sam. FML

By Sam - 1/4/2015 11:37 - Netherlands - Groningen

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Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

By Username - 6/8/2011 07:09 - United States

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Today at work, a woman decided to use the changing room as a public toilet, to wipe the urine with the clothes she tried on, then leave the mess along with her soiled underwear and a used maxi pad for me to clean up. FML

By peachass - 29/12/2016 04:59 - Australia - Melbourne

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Today, I saw my parents for the first time in 11 weeks. They commented on how much weight I lost. I told how due to stress, I hadn't been able to eat anything for the past two weeks and I was basically unintentionally starving myself. They told me to keep it up. FML

By need2eat - 15/6/2009 15:48 - United States

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Today, my grandma told me that I'm starting to look like my sister. I jokingly replied, "Uh-oh I'm in trouble then." She gave me a very disapproving look and said, "You should be happy. She's beautiful, unlike you." FML

By wowgranny - 22/12/2016 20:08 - United States - Tooele

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Today, we had an office party. I got extremely drunk and invited my younger coworker into the bathroom to make out repeatedly. Not only did he reject me multiple times, but he also looked super traumatised and hasn’t said a word to me since. FML

By Justanotherwreck - 20/4/2019 16:00

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Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

By arse of fire :( - 23/2/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

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Today, my boyfriend read online that oversleeping has been linked to strokes later in life. He's now taken it upon himself to protect me by making sure that I have as minimal sleep as possible. FML

By nosleep - 29/12/2012 07:33 - Canada - Calgary

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Today, I woke up to find a parking ticket on my car. My car was in my driveway and the cop who wrote it is my ex-boyfriend. This is the third time. FML

By neverdatingacopagain - 25/4/2011 04:24 - United States

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Today, my dogs somehow pulled the water spigot off the wall in my backyard. I now have my own private lake. FML

By Hreid254 - 5/2/2016 16:07 - United States - Temple

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Today, my friends decided it would be funny to yell out "Pass us the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

By UnfortunateGirly - 26/2/2010 08:30 - Australia

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Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML

By Loola - 21/12/2008 05:04 - France

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Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

By Anonymous - 10/7/2012 10:03 - United States

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Today, my friend bought a smartphone and updated his facebook status with it. Two weeks ago he signed an apartment lease with another friend. Four months ago he bought a new handgun. Seven months ago he bought a new TV. He's owed me $300 for a year and a half. FML

By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 10:47 - United States

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Today, at work, I was talking to a colleague about what the worst pain he ever experienced was. He said his was being bitten by a dog, and I said I didn't know. Next thing, I was kicked in the balls from a behind by another work colleague. She said, "What about that?" I agreed, it was. FML

By Anonymous - 11/5/2020 05:00

Battery

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Today, I checked my bank account that i've been saving money in since I was a kid for college. I have $100 left out of the $10,000 I had last month. Apparently my parents thought buying a pool and an HDTV for themselves was more important than my college education. FML

By ExtemelyBroke - 6/6/2009 02:24 - United States

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