- FML

By FML Approved - 10/10/2017 14:30

I agree, your life sucks

1885

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Season finale

Mind your own beeswax

Toxic parents

By dogggg - 14/7/2014 02:10 - India - Pune

Today, I caught my dog drinking from the toilet. After yelling at him, his apology was licking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39637

You deserved it

9574

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2009 09:08 - Australia

Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55363

You deserved it

16108

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By theoftrescheduled - 3/9/2014 00:35 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I unexpectedly ran into my boss. Last week, I'd met with him every day, putting together a last-minute presentation of my research for him to deliver at conference overseas. It turns out that his passport had expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36090

You deserved it

2640

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By FUCK - 22/7/2013 18:29 - United States - Chicago

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48178

You deserved it

10807

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By twelvie - 23/3/2015 14:24 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my younger sister stopped talking to me. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years and apparently, she's been in love with him since she met him. Through me. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38708

You deserved it

2891

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By John - 24/6/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44921

You deserved it

3231

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By happyeffingbday202 - 2/4/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62874

You deserved it

5250

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By Mavis - 3/2/2009 07:54 - Canada

Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45045

You deserved it

3202

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By oops - 18/5/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

I agree, your life sucks

49221

You deserved it

18071

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By Jayswizzle - 11/8/2010 08:10 - United States

Today, I had an elderly woman come up to me and tell me how well I pull off the look of being bald. She said that most women can't look attractive without hair. Then she asked me if I had cancer. I had to explain to her that I am, in fact, a man, and I shave my head because I'm a swimmer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39039

You deserved it

4569

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2010 07:04 - United States

Today, I was driving home and stopped at a light. A cute guy in the truck ahead of me waved me forward and told me to roll down my window. It was the first time a cute guy had talked to me in a while so I was pretty excited. He told me to turn my lights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23206

You deserved it

10136

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By dollarstorepwnr - 19/3/2011 05:37 - Canada

Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44519

You deserved it

4896

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40479

You deserved it

7476

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2012 07:00 - United States

Today, I had an hour long meeting with my manager where she informed me the reason I had not been promoted is because she felt that people would not like to work for me, because I would, "make them do their job." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29437

You deserved it

2062

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By Bilibók Renáta - 16/8/2019 14:00

Today, I drove my car into a fence because a spider was crawling from the mirror. The police laughed their asses off. One of them asked, "What should I write in the report? That she got scared of a spider?" Then he wrote just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1326

You deserved it

779

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2009 21:16 - United States

Today, completely excited, I told my mom about this guy from high school, that I had really liked and who had found me on Facebook. He said he regretted not asking me out in high school and offered to fly me out to visit him. Her response? "Has he seen what you look like now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42404

You deserved it

4332

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By bm128902 - 1/10/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was going around saying that she tries to give time off to the other managers so they can spend time with their family and significant others. She looked at me and said she doesn't for me because I have no one special to spend time with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35422

You deserved it

2834

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By Tired - 12/1/2015 14:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I showed up to work at 6am, only to find out the schedule was changed. I wasn't actually supposed to be there until 9:15. My boss never told me this. I didn't get to go home either, he just said "Oh well. Get to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32299

You deserved it

2954

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By Heww - 28/9/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumps on my lap and vomits all over my doughnuts, stares at me then bites the doughnut out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44220

You deserved it

5343

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By Lost - 14/1/2010 15:57 - United States

Today, it was my 18th birthday. Nobody said anything. Gillette sent me a free razor though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40190

You deserved it

3132

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2020 14:07

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Today, I had people coming over to buy some chairs from me. I took a screenshot of their profile because I was home alone, and watch enough ID to be cautious. I thought I'd sent it to my fiancé. I'd sent it to them instead. Now my anxiety is through the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks

681

You deserved it

977

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By feistychick - 25/4/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58003

You deserved it

2742

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By Thorin - 25/1/2010 21:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I cut myself deeply with an expensive razor that advertised it's impossible to cut yourself with. Twice. Guess I always was an overachiever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31336

You deserved it

6639

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By loveless - 24/9/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15099

You deserved it

33282

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By Noname - 2/3/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was wearing orange faux snake stilettos. I commented, "Those are perfect for tonight, where'd you manage to find such hideous shoes?" It turns out she wears those shoes all the time, the color just matched her outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13571

You deserved it

44382

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By rawdoglyfe69 - 17/4/2013 06:14 - United States - Helena

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63348

You deserved it

6058

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By copshop - 10/11/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17251

You deserved it

35891

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By ilikemusicokay - 8/8/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. Since I knew it would take a while, I brought my iPod in for entertainment. To bad it disabled me from hearing the continuous knocks on the door as well as the manager eventually picking the lock and busting in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12557

You deserved it

46441

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2014 20:09 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59621

You deserved it

5819

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By N/A - 25/9/2012 04:13 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29330

You deserved it

2815

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By neverdatingagain - 27/11/2016 22:07 - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, after three years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed. To my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11597

You deserved it

739

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 04:54 - United States - Torrance

Today, I was given the following pearls of wisdom: "My grandmother always told me, if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Anyway, she was a cunt and so are you." Thanks, dad. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21470

You deserved it

2073

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By Cpm - 1/12/2009 01:55 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40392

You deserved it

5057

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By HighasaCloud - 30/4/2012 16:01 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34745

You deserved it

2519

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By confiancedecrise - 22/5/2017 16:00

Today, I was texting a girl I was interested in and we exchanged Instagram names. She ghosted me right after. She's the fourth girl to have done this to me in the past month. I guess I'm unattractive, but at least I'm good at texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4573

You deserved it

378

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2012 05:15 - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43844

You deserved it

2646

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2014 21:03 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, is the start of the third month that I prayed I would be fired, just so I didn't have to quit because I hate awkward conversations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28796

You deserved it

8546

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By boylookingirl - 30/1/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, my friend installed this new application that shows you what a girl would look like as a boy and what a boy would look like as a girl. Well I'm a girl and when it was my turn it didn't change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32903

You deserved it

4973

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By Claustrophobic - 4/4/2013 07:12 - United States

Today, I was on a plane in the aisle seat; the guy in the middle was encroaching on my space, and the window seat was not taken. The stewardess noticed my discomfort and suggested the guy move so we both had space. He had bought both seats and "liked sitting in the middle." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38166

You deserved it

2325

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By yoyyo - 7/11/2016 06:29 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10008

You deserved it

1294

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Top comments

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7550865 - Tuesday 10 October 2017 14:45

"Do I lick her face or sniff her butt?"

By Helljumper11 | 14

#7563584 - Monday 13 November 2017 16:11

Cant relate cause no one will ever like me????

COMMENTS

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7550865 - Tuesday 10 October 2017 14:45

"Do I lick her face or sniff her butt?"

Cali | 54

#7550959 - Tuesday 10 October 2017 17:45

Yes.

boochan | 5

#7560393 - Saturday 4 November 2017 21:41

sniff her butt

By Helljumper11 | 14

#7563584 - Monday 13 November 2017 16:11

Cant relate cause no one will ever like me????

Helljumper11 | 14

#7563585 - Monday 13 November 2017 16:11

Forget the question marks