- FML

By FML Approved

I agree, your life sucks

1890

You deserved it

266

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Messed up

Class Wars - UK Edition

Cartoon villain

By Jeremy - United States

Awkward

Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80712

You deserved it

7351

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By stalked - United States - Bel Air

Today, I found out that the person who has been stalking me has also been stalking someone else. I got upset. It seems it took being stalked to make me feel good about myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14333

You deserved it

20438

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, let's just say it's not a good sign when your plumber yells "What the fuck?!" That is, unless you actually like your kitchen being swamped by sewage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20962

You deserved it

1336

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By TOOshort

Today, several of my apartment complex neighbors walked right by me as I struggled to clean the inches thick, icy snow off of my SUV. I’m 4’11. Not one person offered to assist me, even after I slipped and fell several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1490

You deserved it

2146

Favorite

By rahhhnnnn - 25/4/2020 02:00

You can't win sometimes

Today, I learned that because I clean everything in my roommate's house and keep the lights low to save energy, and respect him and do things in the proper way I was raised, he and his friends and girlfriend think I’m weird and won’t speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1622

You deserved it

237

Favorite

By Hannah - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24925

You deserved it

31588

Favorite

By beaverless - United States

Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in sexual activity anymore because it is getting too boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38417

You deserved it

17509

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2020 14:09

Get off my lawn!

Today, the police came to my house and arrested me. Why? The neighborhood kids thought it would be fun to hide behind my house and shoot at people with paintball guns. People saw it coming from my house and called the police. I was fired from work, due to missing it without notice. No excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1912

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Green Lane

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22879

You deserved it

56303

Favorite

By post it - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I found out that when buying my $500 dollar dress I put my address as Austria instead of Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28196

You deserved it

13042

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By bbt

Today, out of the 35 people invited, only one person showed up to my bridal shower. It was my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3243

You deserved it

308

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was bet 100 dollars that I couldn't break a piece off a brick with my head. I couldn't, and I have 2 gashes in my head now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5884

You deserved it

72881

Favorite

By wheelchairgirl - Denmark

Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7287

You deserved it

1075

Favorite

By Anonymous

He's a very naughty boy

Today, I found out that my roommate is starting a religion in which he doesn't believe in humanly things, such as paying rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1441

You deserved it

131

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By YOUFUCKINGFUCKSOCK - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24344

You deserved it

4115

Favorite

By hot_mess88 - United States

Today, I got called to a biker bar to break up a fight between my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52974

You deserved it

2568

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Raleigh

Today, my mom proudly told me that she found the perfect thing to combat my B.O. Extra strength degreaser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1221

You deserved it

210

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8656

You deserved it

2224

Favorite

By Brian B - United States

Today, I fell asleep for an hour in the bathroom while taking a dump. I had to convince everyone I went for a walk during lunch since no one saw my car leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12930

You deserved it

25341

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 02:00

Fresh air

Today, my parents actually kicked me into the back garden and made me sit outside for an hour so they could have sex without having to worry about me hearing them go at each other like a pair of 15-stone rabbits hopped up on Viagra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1425

You deserved it

343

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By kristajoy2001

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1663

You deserved it

300

Favorite

By fleetingmemories - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44915

You deserved it

4308

Favorite

By GrahamCracker - United States

Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52556

You deserved it

8902

Favorite

By Roostermann25 - United States - Lebanon

Today, while meeting some of the big boss guys at my new job, one of the men sneezed on his hand and then grabbed mine for a handshake. I felt every gooey bit of his snot between our hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13774

You deserved it

969

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By ParanoidFreak - United States

Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8904

You deserved it

40073

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 20:01

No chuds, thanks

Today, I found the Instagram account belonging to the guy I've been seeing. That's how I found out he's one of those nitwit asshole Proud Boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1151

You deserved it

280

Favorite

By starrybrooke - United States

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55432

You deserved it

9897

Favorite

By Anonymous - France

Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43443

You deserved it

4501

Favorite

By rogerusmc23 - Japan

Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38166

You deserved it

4585

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11560

You deserved it

1356

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By Slaanesh - France

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8017

You deserved it

38823

Favorite

By icareaboutmyhair - Estonia

Today, I discovered I have dandruff, which I never had before. I googled the possible reasons and those are depression and hormones. Not only have I not had sex for a year, but it's also the reason I have dandruff. And apparently I'm depressed. How sexy is that? FML

I agree, your life sucks

30658

You deserved it

6788

Favorite

By peele - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29898

You deserved it

3690

Favorite

By TicketMePink - United States

Today, an officer ticketed me for texting while driving. Apparently, getting dumped costs $180. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8388

You deserved it

21033

Favorite

By - 28/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom - London

Golden child

Today, my mum went and told everyone she only went to the doctor after being ill because my brother told her to. It was me who'd been telling her for weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

670

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24445

You deserved it

2302

Favorite

By Danielle - United States

Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37065

You deserved it

4352

Favorite

By Alexandra - Lebanon

Today, I surprised my boyfriend by buying him an expensive watch for his birthday. He responded with "Aww, you could've just given me head, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37460

You deserved it

8927

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30905

You deserved it

3166

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing rugby. I was tackled very hard at the end of a play, and I got up to find my head bleeding profusely. Not one person offered to drive me to the ER. I had to drive myself to get six stitches in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32847

You deserved it

3635

Favorite

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Top comments

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7550865 - Tuesday 10 October 2017 14:45

"Do I lick her face or sniff her butt?"

By Helljumper11 | 14

#7563584 - Monday 13 November 2017 16:11

Cant relate cause no one will ever like me????

COMMENTS

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7550865 - Tuesday 10 October 2017 14:45

"Do I lick her face or sniff her butt?"

Cali | 54

#7550959 - Tuesday 10 October 2017 17:45

Yes.

boochan | 5

#7560393 - Saturday 4 November 2017 21:41

sniff her butt

By Helljumper11 | 14

#7563584 - Monday 13 November 2017 16:11

Cant relate cause no one will ever like me????

Helljumper11 | 14

#7563585 - Monday 13 November 2017 16:11

Forget the question marks