- FML

By FML Approved - France - Paris

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Season finale

Extreme cooking

Harsh

By Anonymous - United States - San Leandro

Today, after months of taking care of my grandma after a surgery, the doctors gave her a clean bill of health and I finally got to sleep in my own bed. She passed away while I was at home. FML

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By Badam - France - Geaune

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Ninja!

Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 20:01 - Australia - Sydney

Stuck

Today, I was told by my boss if I was late one more time he fired me. I replied, "Can I quit then if that's the case." He then said no, and gave me more shifts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

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By bellabreeze - United States - Lebanon

Today, my son thought it would be a great idea to spray a whole can of spray tan all over my freshly-painted white bathroom walls as an "experiment". He's 18. FML

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By angrypetowner - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I tried to train my cat to scratch the scratching post by giving her a treat every time she used it, but she took that as getting a treat every time she scratched something. Now, not only does she scratch all my furniture, but she also meows for a treat while doing it. FML

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By Username

Today, I accidentally drank my sister's science project. Her science project consisted of taking a glass of orange juice and putting maggots in it to see if they would live. I thought it was just pulp. FML

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By lonely_island - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

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By Takegami - United States - Norge

Today, I realized how alone I truly was when I caught myself talking to a podcast. FML

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By nyu - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

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By fuckingdonuts - United States - Edmond

Say yes

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

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By achoo - United States

Today, I brought back the puppy I adopted for my family. I spent months doing all the research on puppy care with two young children, and at least five hundred dollars for the dog, the supplies, toys... the whole bit. Turns out everyone's allergic to her. FML

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By WellOops

Today, my boyfriend crashed his car while I was giving him road head. FML

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By umm - United States

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

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By OhFseriously123 - Italy

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I work as a cashier, and Iike always I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I recieved a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

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By navyma - Korea Republic of

Today, I went to the orthodontist to have my braces worked on. I accidentally swallowed some of the cleaning solution she used. She told me it would probably give me an upset stomach. Apparently, an upset stomach and crapping your pants means the same thing to an orthodontist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Matteson

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

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By Renderfist

Today, I had to comfort my wife after she found out that her boyfriend wasn't faithful to her. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2020 08:08

This is America

Today, I found out a test I need to see if I need surgery on my gallbladder costs more than my pay check, even with insurance. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Mateo

Today, my boyfriend gave me a $100 gift card for Victoria's Secret. Suspicious, I checked the receipt he'd left in the bag. Turns out he had bought it during the 2 weeks we were broken up for some other girl who rejected him, so decided to give it to me instead. FML

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By Grubendol - United States

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

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By Poopyhead - Ireland

Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Latonia

Today, I walked in on my 13-year-old sister cutting her pubic hair with scissors. After a long talk about what on earth she was doing, she confessed to doing it so her boyfriend could find her clitoris. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and ended up throwing up as soon as I got home. My mother's first question was an accusatory, "What have you been drinking?" I was returning from the AA meeting I have been attending for over a month. I go because I'm afraid I'll become an alcoholic like her. FML

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By sad sister - 27/7/2020 14:00

Bye bye love

Today, after my younger sister always made a habit of using everything of mine, from clothes to shoes to jewelry, the list now includes my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, after several years of reforming myself politically, I married a black woman. At the wedding, when the priest asked for objections, one man stood up - the leader of my former Ku Klux Klan chapter. I really should have mentioned that earlier. FML

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By HAIRY - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was hanging out with some of my friends when I fell asleep. When I woke up, I found that they had shaved the F word into my arm. I don't know what is more disturbing: the fact that this is what my friends do for fun, or that I have enough arm hair to have four letters shaved into it. FML

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By sicksicksick - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

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By ostfae - United States

Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She's my neighbor. FML

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By Single and wigless

Today, I was on a FaceTime call with a guy I like and my cat, out of nowhere, attacks my head and snatches my wig off. FML

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By really? - United States

Today, while at a concert, my boyfriend got mad and jealous because I kept looking at the singer instead of him. He still won't talk to me. FML

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By neta_1996 - United States - Mabelvale

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me two days before my birthday. Only to make it worse, I found out that he had been texting my mother on how to break up with me. To make it even worse, she was giving him tips. FML

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By NJ - United States

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend that I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlock our flat to see that the place was a mess. She had thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

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By jasminejzhu - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

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By stunned - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML

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By Zamaria - France

Today, I was woken up from a nap by my cat attacking my face. Evidently, my husband thought it would be funny to shine a laser pointer on my cheek. FML

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Top comments

By Alyssa Nicole Ng Jen | 6

#7540731 - Wednesday 13 September 2017 16:09

Yoshiniya sells rice bowls not noodles

By mt21mt | 15

#7540817 - Wednesday 13 September 2017 22:01

Wait, isn't this racist? I got called racist on fml because I said that Indians who don't know how to use a toilet shouldn't be welcome in Canada. That isn't ok, but this is? What a weird thing racism is.

COMMENTS

By Alyssa Nicole Ng Jen | 6

#7540731 - Wednesday 13 September 2017 16:09

Yoshiniya sells rice bowls not noodles

Reply

Sandra Foran | 10

#7540959 - Thursday 14 September 2017 8:33

They sell noodles too

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7540739 - Wednesday 13 September 2017 16:46

Photoshop BS

By mt21mt | 15

#7540817 - Wednesday 13 September 2017 22:01

Wait, isn't this racist? I got called racist on fml because I said that Indians who don't know how to use a toilet shouldn't be welcome in Canada. That isn't ok, but this is? What a weird thing racism is.

By davecross | 11

#7540903 - Thursday 14 September 2017 3:55

That's a person I thought it was a pig with glasses when I first saw her.