- FML

By FML Approved - 13/9/2017 14:30 - France - Paris

I agree, your life sucks

1418

You deserved it

193

Tweet

Share

Yappy neighborhood

Don't give up

You snooze, you lose

By Anonymous - 26/9/2009 14:24 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38019

You deserved it

3310

Tweet

Share

By Becky - 11/5/2015 20:54 - United Kingdom - Dorchester

Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28821

You deserved it

2351

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/12/2015 20:24 - United States - Knoxville

Today, while giving my final speech, a bump that had been growing on my arm popped. Pus leaked through my white dress sleeve, and it smelled like death. Everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23745

You deserved it

2504

Tweet

Share

By lolzboss - 7/3/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, my five year old son decided to move all my stuffed animals I have around the house, into sex positions and massive orgies. What have I been teaching my son lately? FML

I agree, your life sucks

16413

You deserved it

46088

Tweet

Share

By jolene11 - 17/5/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37598

You deserved it

3839

Tweet

Share

By wearingshorts - 28/8/2010 04:54 - United States

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16302

You deserved it

39024

Tweet

Share

By oliver - 27/1/2016 12:02 - United States

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22392

You deserved it

2226

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/6/2015 04:38 - United States - Harrison

Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34124

You deserved it

2349

Tweet

Share

By idiotfucks - 30/4/2014 20:56 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I was hanging out with my friends, and we got the idea to do some improv comedy together for a laugh. Barely two minutes into our fake political debate, everyone had apparently forgotten it was all a joke. Raging ensued, and a vicious fight quickly followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38139

You deserved it

8297

Tweet

Share

By radicaloser - 25/3/2011 08:50 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I like. All of a sudden, he pulls out a small vial of his blood to give to me, proving his undying love. Curious, I asked where he had gotten the blood. His answer? A razor blade. In his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36310

You deserved it

5522

Tweet

Share

By Sam - 3/12/2011 10:03 - United States

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32924

You deserved it

9573

Tweet

Share

By pinkplasticjesus - 20/6/2009 03:17 - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15256

You deserved it

55884

Tweet

Share

By dontrapeme - 26/9/2012 10:30 - United States

Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24846

You deserved it

1927

Tweet

Share

By bandcamp926 - 5/1/2010 01:02 - United States

Today, after the two week winter break, I went back to school to find that the bookbag that I'd left in my car was covered in some creepy, pink gooey stuff. Under the freezing conditions, my lotion had exploded all over my notes and bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11295

You deserved it

22583

Tweet

Share

By JurassicHole - 22/4/2012 03:27 - United States

Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26025

You deserved it

4413

Tweet

Share

By scarlett666 - 5/6/2009 02:04 - United Kingdom

Today, on a plane home from Ireland, my husband who was severely hungover, vomitted in a bag before we took off. When he got up to put the bag in the bin the stewardess forced him to sit back down. I had to hold on to a bag full of vomit for a good few minutes whilst my husband was passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39809

You deserved it

5551

Tweet

Share

By BloodyNoseMcgee - 11/10/2018 15:30

Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2881

You deserved it

165

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/7/2013 04:37 - Canada - Kinburn

Today, I was doing a demonstration in front of my taekwondo class because I'm flexible. Really flexible. I kneed myself in the face and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45479

You deserved it

10800

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/7/2012 13:48 - Canada - Bolton

Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26636

You deserved it

5767

Tweet

Share

By armtits and big pits - 5/4/2014 07:14 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51162

You deserved it

8246

Tweet

Share

By bezoar10 - 4/4/2009 19:36 - United States

Today, my mother and I went to lunch and there is a really cute waiter that works at the diner. I requested him to wait on us like I sometimes do. While we were waiting to be seated, I heard one waiter say to the cute one, "Ya, the creepy one is back, and this time she brought her mom!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

21791

You deserved it

70105

Tweet

Share

By Cheater_Cheater_Pumpkin_Eater - 28/1/2010 17:27 - United States

Today, my best friend became my ex-best friend. I have finally gotten over the guy she stole from me a year ago and have developed a crush on another guy. My best friend called me today to tell me that she broke up with the first guy and is now going out with my current crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40988

You deserved it

4992

Tweet

Share

By smidgit - 19/5/2016 17:32

Today, after many days of messing around with wording and pictures, a huge and expensive printed card order came in to the office. I spelt the first word wrong. I can't get a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7846

You deserved it

9666

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/5/2017 16:00

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2833

You deserved it

674

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/1/2013 17:57 - Norway - Haugesund

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38412

You deserved it

9008

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 16:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23429

You deserved it

3207

Tweet

Share

By Crap - 12/4/2016 16:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19721

You deserved it

2912

Tweet

Share

By meeks123 - 20/6/2012 05:03 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30884

You deserved it

5296

Tweet

Share

By jacobianscum - 29/11/2015 07:05 - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, after 3 months of successful business at my restaurant, sales are down the shitter. Why? Because some no-life troll started posting loads of bad reviews online. He uses different names, but nothing in the reviews has ever happened. We can't get the reviews taken down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27407

You deserved it

1614

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 6/6/2016 16:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, the strange cat that has adopted me inexplicably made its way into my house and curled up next to my head while I slept. I'm horribly allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14215

You deserved it

1562

Tweet

Share

By 41k312 - 1/11/2016 05:03

Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8672

You deserved it

3537

Tweet

Share

By iluvcoconutrough - 2/7/2009 04:34 - New Zealand

Today, at school I was sitting with a friend outside, talking about irregular periods and unshaven legs. Ten minutes into the conversation, a teacher sticks her head out the window above us and tells us to leave. We were distracting a classroom who were trying to finish a test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38875

You deserved it

22299

Tweet

Share

By Baileyy - 1/3/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, while pensively thinking up my next awesome Facebook status over dinner, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15142

You deserved it

41082

Tweet

Share

By swaiteATC - 28/7/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46164

You deserved it

2636

Tweet

Share

By stutterboy - 11/6/2013 20:36 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I was giving a presentation to my college class. I've had a natural stutter my whole life, so I stuttered through the whole thing. My professor tried to hold in her laughter for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49139

You deserved it

2741

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37833

You deserved it

5389

Tweet

Share

By "Jester94752" - 15/3/2019 16:00

Today, a co-worker who lives 30 minutes out of my way had broken down so I picked him up. We were both 5 minutes late and both got fired. Our department takes 30-60 minutes to even start running. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2237

You deserved it

140

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/6/2009 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to the movies. After it was over I got up and noticed a designer purse sitting on the ground in the back row. I opened it to look for anything that could give me a address so I could return it. The owner came back, assumed I was robbing her, and punched me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44672

You deserved it

6348

Tweet

Share

By Océane Léana K - 1/9/2017 01:29

Today, after coming back from a trip to Africa where I got malaria, I went to the hospital for some blood tests. The doctor said, "Good news! You never had malaria! But they put you through a lot of dangerous treatments and now your liver has an anomaly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3583

You deserved it

214

Tweet

Share

By bridget1989 - 11/3/2016 10:03 - United Kingdom - Swadlincote

Today, my boyfriend told me on the phone that he thought we were too poor for value-pack bacon. When I got home, I found he had gone to work leaving two lights and the TV on, and that the shower was running. He said, "Turning things on and off takes too much time! Who cares about money?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

21757

You deserved it

2034

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Alyssa Nicole Ng Jen | 6

#7540731 - Wednesday 13 September 2017 16:09

Yoshiniya sells rice bowls not noodles

By mt21mt | 15

#7540817 - Wednesday 13 September 2017 22:01

Wait, isn't this racist? I got called racist on fml because I said that Indians who don't know how to use a toilet shouldn't be welcome in Canada. That isn't ok, but this is? What a weird thing racism is.

COMMENTS

By Alyssa Nicole Ng Jen | 6

#7540731 - Wednesday 13 September 2017 16:09

Yoshiniya sells rice bowls not noodles

Reply

Sandra Foran | 10

#7540959 - Thursday 14 September 2017 8:33

They sell noodles too

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7540739 - Wednesday 13 September 2017 16:46

Photoshop BS

By mt21mt | 15

#7540817 - Wednesday 13 September 2017 22:01

Wait, isn't this racist? I got called racist on fml because I said that Indians who don't know how to use a toilet shouldn't be welcome in Canada. That isn't ok, but this is? What a weird thing racism is.

By davecross | 11

#7540903 - Thursday 14 September 2017 3:55

That's a person I thought it was a pig with glasses when I first saw her.