- FML

By FML Approved

I agree, your life sucks

1644

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The smell detective is on the case

Overbearing much?

Ideal first date

By inlovewithstupid - United States

Today, my boyfriend bitched me out for being too controlling. Apparently, not only am I being unreasonable by not wanting him visiting strip clubs with his friends, I'm also just "looking for excuses to get mad" at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32303

You deserved it

17260

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By milkysubstance - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5035

You deserved it

480

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - West Newton

Today, I babysat a 10 year old from hell. She kept insulting me, saying I have tiny boobs, that boys must hate me, and that I'm ugly. I eventually got fed up and put her to bed. When her parents came back, she ran out of her room in tears and told them I'd beaten her. They believed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45033

You deserved it

2925

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room while my mom was talking to my uncle. I had my door open. She said "Yeah my son doesn't know I have his phone password. Girls nowadays are real sluts." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32519

You deserved it

8819

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By airbiscuit - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Sensitive

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54941

You deserved it

6469

Favorite

By pothole - United States

Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24989

You deserved it

4148

Favorite

By Randy - United States

Today, I got home from work to find my wife asleep in her easy chair with my two year old son asleep in a pile of torn-up paper. I soon found out it was my 1960s collection of a Superman comic book series that I inherited from my dad. It was worth well over $2,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43765

You deserved it

5143

Favorite

By needanotherbed - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51992

You deserved it

6119

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By yesikilledit

Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2270

You deserved it

313

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By Anonymous

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40437

You deserved it

44771

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By milkymoo - Cyprus

Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12593

You deserved it

49743

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By PWI_addict - United States

Today, I was making myself lunch. I love cooking, and often, I pretend I'm on the Food Network. I started to slice some tomatoes rapidly, which, turns out, was a big mistake; I sliced my thumb open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11215

You deserved it

35488

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By NotALuckyGuy - United States - Columbus

Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19000

You deserved it

47223

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45291

You deserved it

4342

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2021 08:01

Unfair

Today, I was let go from my job for not being able to come into work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

871

You deserved it

114

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By NeverCampingAgain - United States

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74521

You deserved it

7780

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked me where my boyfriend was. I told her he was at his house. I'm twenty and single. I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47747

You deserved it

14127

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2020 09:05 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Can't get no…

Today, my seventy-year-old male live-in landlord asked if I'd heard a low humming noise the last few nights, around midnight, as someone had mentioned it. I feigned ignorance, whilst silently lamenting the decline of my self-pleasure opportunities. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1217

You deserved it

237

Favorite

By Weirdo - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12604

You deserved it

40033

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, I was crying at my desk at work. My colleague tried to cheer me up by saying: "Don't worry, I'm sure you will find a new job soon". I didn't even know I was fired. I was crying because my cat died this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62335

You deserved it

4244

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By he's a dawk, and a cunt - Australia - Darling Point

Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47939

You deserved it

8046

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13423

You deserved it

34567

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, everyone commented on how realistic my "fat suit" was. I didn't dress up for Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33088

You deserved it

8199

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By sad - United States

Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70133

You deserved it

3943

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By NeoDepressed - Czech Republic

Today my parents screamed at me for cutting my wrists. They asked me if i want a therapist. I said idk. Then my mom said "But wait its going to cost a lot of money".. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2137

You deserved it

598

Favorite

Today, a guest at my restaurant asked me what a tip was. I had to awkwardly explain to him that servers don't make hourly wages, and we rely on tips from customers to make money. After I finished, he laughed at me, called me a sucker, and stiffed me on a $120 tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2683

You deserved it

274

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bucyrus

Today, I told my mom I was finally going on a diet. She let me know how proud she is of me fighting temptation, by making my favorite cookies and dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25073

You deserved it

2639

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I signed up for a psych experiment. I was a damsel in distress on the side of the highway, but no one stopped. Back at the lab, another participant said a half dozen people helped her. The professor was testing how attractiveness effects altruism. I was the unattractive subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40288

You deserved it

3668

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By unsatisfied - United States

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22661

You deserved it

3878

Favorite

By morgan_rumm

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50647

You deserved it

4711

Favorite

By Disappointment - United States - Gresham

Today, I flew home to visit my parents. We haven't seen each other in two years, I've gotten a few tattoos done since, and I knew they wouldn't approve, so I bought whole new outfits that covered everything and looked professional. When I got there, the first thing my mom says to me is, "Is that a nose ring!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4011

You deserved it

1929

Favorite

By goinginsane

Today, I was told that I am an incredibly boring person and that it's no wonder I have no friends. I think they're right; last night I dreamt about a nail file. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33707

You deserved it

7139

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend of nearly two years broke up with me because he's sick of me being annoyed at him. Why am I annoyed at him? Because he wants to go and spend a week with his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41452

You deserved it

5295

Favorite

By ihatemylife - United States - Naperville

Today, at 24, I still can't grow a single bit of facial hair. Well, at least not on the right side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30296

You deserved it

2404

Favorite

By Stacy Dee - United States

Today, my family is on the third day of driving cross country. My husband is still pretending he is driving on a NASCAR track, sound effects and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28261

You deserved it

4473

Favorite

By unwanted daughter - Canada - Oliver

Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55067

You deserved it

5825

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By Bob smith - Australia

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13836

You deserved it

33433

Favorite

By giantcuntflaps - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36356

You deserved it

6806

Favorite

By fired tomoz - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I woke up to a text from my manager, saying "Hed's up dude, ur gettin fired tomoz. CEO's pissed. No hard feelins m8". Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36701

You deserved it

2993

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By queenbee12345678 - United States

Today, I accidentally left my cell phone at the restaurant. When I realized my mistake, I went back to see if anyone had found it. They said no, so I gave them my number to call if it turned up. I realized later that I'd given them my cell phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9900

You deserved it

26286

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Top comments

By jfsiv | 17

#7539714 - Sunday 10 September 2017 20:48

It's a body-off-frame fuckeration....

By sumocj | 14

#7539765 - Monday 11 September 2017 0:53

Awww man! You dented my fender!

COMMENTS

By Madrias | 36

#7539678 - Sunday 10 September 2017 18:04

Well, it's slightly better than a train wreck.

By jfsiv | 17

#7539714 - Sunday 10 September 2017 20:48

It's a body-off-frame fuckeration....

By ThrottleJockey | 34

#7539756 - Monday 11 September 2017 0:13

I think it's going to need a bit more paint prep.

By sumocj | 14

#7539765 - Monday 11 September 2017 0:53

Awww man! You dented my fender!