- FML

By FML Approved - 7/9/2017 14:32

I agree, your life sucks

1260

You deserved it

151

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DINOSAURS!!

Banished

Don't give up

By THATgirl - 26/1/2018 15:00

Today, our wedding venue canceled on us, leaving us 8 months to find another in peak foliage season. My parents contacted the local news over the ordeal, but they're using my name and picture to make me look like a whiny brat who didn’t get her way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3957

You deserved it

1150

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By youwouldbeacat - 28/4/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17712

You deserved it

53382

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2014 20:57 - India - Kundan

Today, my boss was fired by the board. A few days ago, he dropped several strong hints that he was going to promote me soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47305

You deserved it

3494

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By RebekahBrooke - 17/9/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I started my first day as a waitress. After getting my ass slapped, drinks and food spilled over me, and being tripped by a bratty kid, my tips were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39029

You deserved it

2623

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32205

You deserved it

7189

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By Rhianna - 22/11/2009 04:05 - Australia

Today, I was babysitting my younger brother while my parents were away. I turned my back on my brother for one minute and then I heard a huge crash from their room. He had somehow destroyed a family heirloom and 200 year old clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30311

You deserved it

7646

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By workaholic - 15/2/2012 11:09 - United States

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25150

You deserved it

2988

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By Louis - 15/11/2018 13:00 - South Africa

Today, I decided to be healthy and drink a tall glass of water whilst doing my assignment that is due in three days. I managed to spill the entire glass over my laptop. I flipped it over and used a hairdryer to dry it off. While doing that, I managed to melt my keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1615

You deserved it

2805

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By firsttimer69 - 20/3/2009 06:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

151167

You deserved it

15112

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By sad - 8/1/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69192

You deserved it

4089

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By Stalked - 15/11/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44368

You deserved it

2719

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2016 18:23

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24972

You deserved it

3494

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2009 13:28 - Canada

Today, I got a new cell phone. I was unable to retrieve my old contact list from my old phone, so I sent out a mass email asking my friends to "Give me your contact info, unless you don't want me to text/call you!" No one is responding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36120

You deserved it

12493

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67988

You deserved it

7225

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By Crossy - 23/8/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, a friend jokingly asked who in my relationship wears the pants. My girlfriend replied, "I'm not sure, but I've got photos to prove I don't wear the skirt." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11505

You deserved it

36500

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By thanksma - 29/1/2017 07:00 - United States - Stilwell

Today, at his request, I met up with my brother for lunch so we could catch up. Apparently, our mother put him up to it so he could tell me our parents are getting a divorce. They didn't want to tell me themselves because I'm "too emotional." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6621

You deserved it

618

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By cat lady - 30/8/2014 11:56 - Norway - Egersund

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46363

You deserved it

11310

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2020 08:00

Rise and shine

Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1392

You deserved it

247

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By Stigmamma - 27/11/2016 08:54

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be responsible and put parental controls on the Playstation so our kids can't play adult games or watch adult content online. And now, neither can we. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8165

You deserved it

4993

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By Arthur - 7/5/2014 19:16 - United States

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48167

You deserved it

3195

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By jayswizzle89 - 29/7/2014 07:58 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24107

You deserved it

69334

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By dumbAssCollegeStudent - 4/3/2016 00:22 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I finally did my laundry after a good few weeks, only to think another washer was a dryer. I just ran my clothes through the wash 3 times, because I was confused as to why they weren't drying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10527

You deserved it

21828

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By apparentlyugly - 29/8/2010 17:51 - United States

Today, I was chosen out of 64 women to model for the catalog of a new clothing store. Just when my self-confidence took a dramatic boost, I looked at the evaluation sheet. I was picked due to attributes such as my "extra large figure and average face" to make below average women feel beautiful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31376

You deserved it

4601

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By geeb - 23/2/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, I had to confess to my mother that I was too hungover to take her to her AA meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9543

You deserved it

36346

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By gag reflex - 16/8/2014 16:03 - Australia - Burwood

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57868

You deserved it

9756

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By mydadforgetsme - 4/11/2015 17:26 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23562

You deserved it

1440

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By deathbysnoosnoo - 24/11/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, while showing my art work at a festival, a very old cougar walked up to me and asked if I wanted to hook up later. After refusing more than one time, the woman walked away with my business card. I've been getting emails with naked pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25731

You deserved it

5537

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By IHateBeingAStudent - 12/2/2012 09:43

Today, a little girl I give horse-riding lessons to told me she had saved up $8.00 for her own pony. I laughed and thought how cute she was, then realized that was more than I have in my own savings account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31168

You deserved it

12634

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By my kids smell bad - 25/6/2019 06:48

Today, I got into a screaming match with the mother of my kids. I told her they need to bathe more often. According to her, anything more than once a week is excessive and bad for their skin. My kids play sports and smell like puppies from the pound. She doesn’t care. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2248

You deserved it

175

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By ASMR - 26/5/2019 15:00

Today, I woke up with laryngitis. I just got hired as a waitress. Tomorrow is opening day, the restaurant plays loud music and I can't speak any louder than a whisper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1880

You deserved it

111

Favorite

By anon - 31/3/2016 01:09 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I went to 7-11, where the cashier asked me if I had the app to get rewards. She then looked at me and said, "Never mind, I can tell you don't." I guess I have no control over my resting bitch face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16952

You deserved it

2094

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2013 07:02 - Israel

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25475

You deserved it

2737

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By bs_happens - 11/1/2010 15:28 - United States

Today, I found out that a water pipe at my work had burst over the weekend. There is absolutely no water in the building, including the bathrooms. It's a 9 hour day, and I took a laxative this morning before I came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28765

You deserved it

11299

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By Star_Wars_Lover - 26/4/2016 15:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14646

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1559

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 16:00

Early bird special

Today, despite the fact they know I'm commuting hundreds of kilometres, I was requested to come to work at the earliest possible hour, every day. I'll be waking up at half past 3 a.m. and admire sunrises on my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1479

You deserved it

194

Favorite

By Benchthewarmer - 8/7/2009 05:49 - United States

Today, I had a basketball game against our rivals. Since the starting guard had a broken ankle, I felt happy that I could finally get playing time and prove that I'm good. Instead I had to run the scoreboard for the game, because the scoreboard guy was absent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42639

You deserved it

3570

Favorite

By Talis - 12/1/2016 13:24 - United States - Eureka

Today, at work, a drunk demanded a salad dressing we don't have. He marched into my kitchen and demanded I make it for him. When I said we didn't have the ingredients, he pushed the microwave over and stormed out. My boss came in and wrote me up for being "pushy and rude to customers". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25169

You deserved it

1448

Favorite

By awilson - 11/9/2009 18:26 - United States

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

65672

You deserved it

16785

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By scaredshitless - 7/8/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27236

You deserved it

65127

Favorite

By marriagesux - 29/12/2010 07:12 - United States

Today, marks the second week straight without sex. Being a newlywed isn't as great as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25596

You deserved it

4622

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Top comments

By ThrottleJockey | 34

#7538600 - Thursday 7 September 2017 20:50

The cask of Amontillado?

By dexter420 | 21

#7538515 - Thursday 7 September 2017 15:51

Corny ?

COMMENTS

By dexter420 | 21

#7538515 - Thursday 7 September 2017 15:51

Corny ?

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7538556 - Thursday 7 September 2017 17:49

Okay, who thought it was a good idea to read Edgar Allan Poe to them?

By ThrottleJockey | 34

#7538600 - Thursday 7 September 2017 20:50

The cask of Amontillado?