- FML

By FML Approved - France - Paris

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2355

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Taking stock

Great guy

One law for me…

By NotAGoodDay - United Kingdom - Sudbury

Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14505

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1103

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By JackG - United States

Today, while at McDonald's, I saw an 8 year old girl licking a life-size Ronald McDonald sitting on a bench. Being concerned, I told her mother who then yelled at me for 10 minutes for being a "paedophile" and "being turned on by an 8 year old girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31918

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3025

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Slumming it

Today, my mum and I were moving the last of  my stuff into my new flat when I heard some creaking. The sound was  coming from the bathroom, so I went to check it out. As I stepped  through the door, the floor collapsed and the bathtub and I fell  right through. FML

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1790

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By DM - United States - Fayville

Today, I walked into what I thought would be a surprise birthday party. It wasn't. It was my parents staging an intervention over my cat obsession. FML

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18874

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29961

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By AsshatUncle - United States - Tampa

Today, I bought lunch for my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. My uncle apparently felt uncomfortable at the restaurant, because he got up and flipped the table over before leaving. The bill tripled because of the broken glass, and my uncle called me up later for a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23237

You deserved it

1419

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By iJehx - United States

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10419

You deserved it

65825

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By Anonymous - United States

Nice, thanks

Today, a little girl came up to me and said, "Hi, my name is Lindsey, let's be friends!" I thought she was cute, so I played along and said, "OK! My name is Jen!" Her reply was, "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51584

You deserved it

13305

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me to a movie after days of not seeing me. This long awaited date involved me paying for food and my movie ticket when he ran out of cash again. He then dumped me as we left the theater walking to his car. Well, I financed my own breakup date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49664

You deserved it

4847

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By fstfckd - United States

Today, at college, I was frantically trying to finish an essay on gay rights that was due less than an hour later. In the end I failed, because the college internet filters kept classifying every single page containing the information I needed as "sex", and blocked it all. FML

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42720

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15074

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By Anonymous

"shortcomings"

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7776

You deserved it

606

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By nottelling7012 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because of 'creative differences', as she put it. The real reason is that we couldn't decide which cupboard the plates should have gone in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26947

You deserved it

4390

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By Dom - South Africa - Kwa-zulu

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

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22094

You deserved it

3276

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By Anonymous

Today, on the train, a man kept grabbing my crotch. When I told him to stop, I got yelled at for harassing an elderly man. FML

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5126

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281

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 11:01

Compassion, brah

Today, I finally told my brother that I was being sexually harassed at work. I'm 22 and my brother is 41, and he literally told me that I don't even know what sexual harassment is, and then laughed in my face. FML

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998

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By Anonymous - United States - Rochester

Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6657

You deserved it

1494

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By Mike - United States

Today, my parents told me I was conceived at Disneyworld. Monday, I take a class trip to Disneyworld. My friends will be having fun and all I'll be able to think about is my parents having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22577

You deserved it

5226

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was released from an institution. She had leftover Christmas cookies so I began snacking on them. They tasted a bit off so I inquired about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she used Crayola markers to give them color. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29554

You deserved it

5786

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By johnnydoe6969 - United States

Today, I went camping and shared a tent with this girl I have been sleeping with here and there for a year. To impress her, I popped a certain male enhancement supplement. Thirty minutes later I found out she was on her period. What a long night. FML

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13712

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45924

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By anon - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

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53877

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8799

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By time to buy a gun - United States - Carolina

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23932

You deserved it

1676

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By not_dead_yet - United States

Today, it was my first big time art show. To celebrate I went out to lunch with some people who's work was also there. When we got back police were every where. Someone had broken and stolen all of the art. All except mine. Even burglars don't want my art. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49669

You deserved it

5281

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By Surprisebuttsecks? - Canada

Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML

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41091

You deserved it

7350

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By wetboy - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54341

You deserved it

8868

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By hanmart - United States

Today, I found out that my coworker shared a laugh with the boss about setting the office desk on fire (which he actually did), while ten minutes later I was threatened with being fired because I made paper snowflakes and hung a few of them next to the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29354

You deserved it

2617

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By steph - United States

Cropped Out

Today, my cousins cropped me out of a picture of all 6 of us at a wedding, then captioned it, "We have such a good-looking family!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

3806

You deserved it

254

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By Lmop68 - Canada

Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41959

You deserved it

17295

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 17:01

Bad timing

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1935

You deserved it

365

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By AGluckily - United States

Today, I was with a group of friends at a bar, and we were all talking about whether we were moaners, screamers, or quiet during sex. My boyfriend said that he was a moaner, which I contradicted. Completely straightfaced, he said, "Well, I am when it's good." FML

I agree, your life sucks

74333

You deserved it

24681

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By ilikeirishducks - Italy

Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51726

You deserved it

21050

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By beerpong26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51447

You deserved it

6855

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I got an e-mail regarding an IT support job I applied to. The e-mail had numerous formatting errors due to bad code, and typos all over the place. It said I wasn't qualified for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41755

You deserved it

3286

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellevue

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57816

You deserved it

6002

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By britanyann - United States

Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27434

You deserved it

6382

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By ko

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd come over and help me move a heavy dresser so I could paint the wall behind it. After an hour of waiting for him, I decided to move it myself. He finally arrived, not ten minutes after I broke my toe when I accidentally dropped the dresser on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30020

You deserved it

9649

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By picklemonger - Canada

Spinning out and miserable

Today, for the first time ever, I had a bout of vertigo in the middle of a mall. It went so very nicely with my crushing loneliness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1263

You deserved it

121

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By Anonymous

Today, my older, temporary coworker comments every time I yawn, sneeze, cough, leave my desk to use the restroom, and on what I eat at lunch, laughing the whole time. It’s driving me crazy. Only 8 more weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1916

You deserved it

142

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By darquedraconian - United States - Rapid City

Today, my son gave me some flowers for Mother's Day. Unfortunately, the only time I can enjoy them is when I go into the bathroom where they are kept so the cat doesn't eat them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40828

You deserved it

6295

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2021 00:56 - United States - Schertz

Hey y'all!

Today, a friend was over at my house. My dad walks over and talks to me; I respond. He then goes back in his room. My friend then says, "Don’t get self-conscious, but when you talk to your dad, your southern accent gets REALLY strong." Guess who's now self-conscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

662

You deserved it

112

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By Kitty Lover - United States - Houston

Today, a few weeks after moving in with my boyfriend, I borrowed his phone to Google something because mine was dead. His most recent searches? "How kill cat", "Kill cat laws", "Cat + poison". I thought he was ok with my cat when I moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14446

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1756

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a bunch of friends over for a party. My mom came stumbling into my room, crying about how she was officially menopausal, and that I was going to "die an only child." FML

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29174

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2306

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Top comments

By davecross | 11

#7537694 - Tuesday 5 September 2017 16:23

I had that happen to me but just with rain water

By raspution | 21

#7579244 - Tuesday 26 December 2017 8:09

look at the mud splatter on the wall to the right of the bus.

COMMENTS

By davecross | 11

#7537694 - Tuesday 5 September 2017 16:23

I had that happen to me but just with rain water

By raganerus | 17

#7537727 - Tuesday 5 September 2017 18:48

malmö?

liisiuu | 22

#7537931 - Wednesday 6 September 2017 5:04

Tallinn

By Shabnam Moghal | 14

#7537803 - Tuesday 5 September 2017 22:10

Well played Wally, well played...

By liisiuu | 22

#7537930 - Wednesday 6 September 2017 5:03

This picture is actually taken in Tallinn, Estonia. Should be bus nr 7, Seli-Sõjamäe. It's a few years old tho :)

By R_L_Jack | 11

#7540554 - Wednesday 13 September 2017 5:38

Sorry I do not get it.

raspution | 21

#7579244 - Tuesday 26 December 2017 8:09

look at the mud splatter on the wall to the right of the bus.