- FML

By FML Approved

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1839

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Late term

Dangling modifier

Out of it

By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25934

You deserved it

9832

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By lollipopp56 - Canada

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

148940

You deserved it

13758

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By Anonymous

Today, after a long shift, I came home and cleaned my house so I could relax tomorrow. I finished up the night with a soothing bubble bath, which was lovely until the ceiling collapsed into the tub. I can't even wash the filth off because my bath is full of drain-clogging plaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2700

You deserved it

133

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By paulinapo - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50218

You deserved it

9806

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By hatboxghost - United States

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65829

You deserved it

7703

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By WhyMe - United States - Wareham

Today, I went to work with a great attitude, something that doesn't happen often. It was shortly ruined after some lady yelled at me because I accidentally shorted her one penny. Yep. One single penny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27169

You deserved it

3876

Favorite

By romantic84 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how she loves when I kiss her out of the blue. I don't have the heart to admit I only do it so I can get some peace and quiet for a few seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19651

You deserved it

38825

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By anonymous - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30577

You deserved it

3227

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By crazy cat lady - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9446

You deserved it

856

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By Anonymous - Canada - Milton

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58337

You deserved it

7963

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By owch - United States - Maumee

Today, I learned that if I take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will throw up all day. I also learned that if I don't take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will be in excruciating pain all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22247

You deserved it

1534

Favorite

By alopez1994

Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35977

You deserved it

13759

Favorite

By Mary Kathryn - United States - Fremont

Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a fat girl's bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27133

You deserved it

6539

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By WhereIsIt? - 25/9/2020 22:01 - Australia - North Lakes

Frustration

Today, I came home from a nine-hour shift and all I want is to sit down with a glass of Baileys. I can't find the key to the liquor cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

860

You deserved it

386

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in an attempt to be more healthy, I made myself a large fruit smoothie. I didn't think it could or would cause me to practically shart my rectum out my ass for the rest of the afternoon. The more you know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18031

You deserved it

2703

Favorite

By Michele - United States

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43003

You deserved it

4006

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By Username - United States

Today, I wanted to propose to my girlfriend, so I bought M and M's which I had customized with the words "Will you marry me?" on them. She ate them all without reading them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46782

You deserved it

15293

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By str3tch - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. In order to make a good impression I was as polite as possible and tried to be as engaging as I could. Near the end of dinner my girlfriend's mom says, "I liked your old boyfriend better." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61738

You deserved it

3367

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 14:02 - United States - Palm Bay

Give me my drugs!

Today, my doctor's office called to reschedule. I hate sacrificing work time at all, but I have to have my contraceptive. The appointment had been set back once already due to insurance issues, and having to wait until November means I'm going to run out… so now I sound like a drug addict. FML

I agree, your life sucks

911

You deserved it

163

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By Damn.... - United States

Today, I was given the ultimate ultimatum: either I suffer excruciating stomach pains and remain a hostage to the porcelain whirlpool goddess, or I stop taking pain medication and face the wrath of a raging infection in my jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31768

You deserved it

3105

Favorite

By Atheist - United States - Portland

Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26510

You deserved it

5603

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By dany - United States - Lancaster

Today, I discovered that when my professor had said "For every A there will be an F," he was deadly serious. I earned a 94% mark, which in this class is known as a D. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29778

You deserved it

2146

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15387

You deserved it

37025

Favorite

By fat_thighs - United States

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61286

You deserved it

11792

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By Cat Ashes - United States - Dewitt

Today, I received an unexpected package from my mother. It contained my cat's ashes. Apparently he died 3 weeks ago and she thought this was the best way to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43678

You deserved it

2781

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By Xandar

Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3330

You deserved it

494

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Montreal

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35722

You deserved it

6509

Favorite

By nkotz - United States

Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40961

You deserved it

7279

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By maximumpower - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when this small boy starts looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kids face look like that"? He said it so loud 3 tables next to us turned and looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53044

You deserved it

3503

Favorite

By detour165 - Australia - Ascot Vale

Today, while staying at my brother's place for the Christmas holidays, I had to leave because he threatened to "take me outside". Apparently he doesn't like being corrected on whether a certain car has a long wheel base version, so I guess the family Christmas is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32731

You deserved it

3709

Favorite

By coolcat10156 - United States - Keller

Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25963

You deserved it

4579

Favorite

By Jack.mercado - United States

Today, being the new driver I am, I was trying to keep my speed at posted because I know that cops will target me. I ended up getting pulled over for my too-low speed and given a ticket because I was holding up a line of cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16549

You deserved it

12177

Favorite

By helpme - United States - Brockton

Today, I got a new chair at work. After spending 3 hours putting it together, I was called into my boss's office and let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44479

You deserved it

5696

Favorite

By FAIL - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50744

You deserved it

7586

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53890

You deserved it

5370

Favorite

By lizann - United States - Scottsdale

Today, for the second time this week, I had to ask my 27-year-old husband to stop peeing on the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23405

You deserved it

4647

Favorite

By Florida - United States

Today, my husband informed me that his father adopted a dog. I replied "Cool," he then said, "She happens to have your name." I think my father in law is trying to send me a message. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27046

You deserved it

2928

Favorite

By Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24904

You deserved it

6210

Favorite

By AccioBucket - 12/2/2021 11:02

Overreach

Today, I'm banned from the only working bathroom in my house because my mother is cleansing for an upcoming colonoscopy. My options are either a bucket in the basement, or wetting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

820

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/3/2021 18:30 - United States - Randolph

You sleep in your pants?

Today, I dreamt that I was using the toilet. The toilet was a dream, but the rest wasn't. My pants were soaked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

747

You deserved it

137

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Top comments

By samomaha | 17

#7536212 - Friday 1 September 2017 2:49

Obviously a Trump supporter.

By jfsiv | 17

#7536181 - Friday 1 September 2017 0:25

that is one shiney suit!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7536041 - Thursday 31 August 2017 17:11

He's just trying to get that lady in the sash to smile. Your wedding photos are forever -- why ruin them with a sour puss?

By jfsiv | 17

#7536181 - Friday 1 September 2017 0:25

that is one shiney suit!

By samomaha | 17

#7536212 - Friday 1 September 2017 2:49

Obviously a Trump supporter.

By Talented73 | 54

#7537765 - Tuesday 5 September 2017 20:38

Bill Clinton?

By bunchamz | 2

#7804820 - Tuesday 21 May 2019 18:53

Smh guess the bride need to figure things out lol