- FML

By FML Approved

I agree, your life sucks

1832

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298

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Dangling modifier

Nice neighborhood

Modernity

By NotASpiderMan - United States - Seattle

Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21561

You deserved it

5988

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By LonelyAF

Today, I was so lonely I called my stalker ex-boyfriend. He was too busy to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2366

You deserved it

4212

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58

Sounds like a catch

Today, the momma's boy I was getting to know cried when I said we should just be friends. He said I was being added to the list of people who treat him like shit and verbally abuse him. He has bad hygiene, musty, wears dirty clothes and I taught him how to properly clean a toilet. But I’m the bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

899

You deserved it

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By htothecr - United States

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

I agree, your life sucks

25158

You deserved it

140799

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By rachiej8 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36679

You deserved it

5468

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By readytomingle - United States

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18054

You deserved it

42262

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I am pregnant, and my boyfriend dumped me, saying that he didn't want to be stuck in anything too serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36220

You deserved it

9999

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By Bad Artist - United States

Today, my friend sent me a link to a "horrible" tattoo that he found online, that a guy had gotten at my tattoo parlor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39935

You deserved it

9747

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By NoBalls - United States

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

105194

You deserved it

22408

Favorite

By sadface - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39270

You deserved it

3441

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By AnonymousLoser - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57927

You deserved it

3723

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32202

You deserved it

4192

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By Co-B - United States

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15824

You deserved it

60678

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By seepeezy32

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21286

You deserved it

71222

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By Anonymous - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, my husband was chased out of a bar after he was seen slipping something into a woman's drink. I was the woman, the 'something' was aspirin, and that's the last time we ever try to role-play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53661

You deserved it

30463

Favorite

By Anon - United States - Bowling Green

Today, while walking to my car after work, I witnessed some moron who was texting while riding her bike running right into my parked car, resulting in a broken side mirror, a damaged windshield, two dents, and for her, a broken phone and nose. She's threatening to sue me for damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45845

You deserved it

2469

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By - 14/2/2020 05:00

Pain in the neck

Today, my mom drove my car and ran had to make a u turn on a narrow street. Instead of slowing down, she speeds to turn running off the road and denting my car. Make it worse, she blamed me for not giving her good directions. Then follows up with it is not that bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1453

You deserved it

314

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By Anonymous - United States - Brandon

Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47833

You deserved it

4302

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By wowthanksworld - United States

Today, I was on the subway when I felt like I was going to faint. I got off the train at the next stop, walked to a bench, but fell over and passed out. When I woke up, I looked around at at least 25 people, who had stepped around me, passed out, in the middle of the platform. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37845

You deserved it

3236

Favorite

By guest - United States

Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51974

You deserved it

6652

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By dwellswithin - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend in town. We broke up a year ago because he "moved" to Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52376

You deserved it

4529

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I took a nap because I've been sick for the past week and I was exhausted. When I woke up, my hair, shirt, pillow, and bedsheets were soaked. I threw up all over myself in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35643

You deserved it

3241

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By jules - United States

Today, I was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I go over to him and ask if his mom knows where he is. The boy turns around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32506

You deserved it

57004

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By SHAME!

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I found out that the last time he saw me I was blind drunk and vomiting after having propositioned him all evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

926

You deserved it

1837

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By Anonymous - United States - Flowery Branch

What a Q-tip

Today, I heard my boyfriend making the same noises while cleaning out his ears as the ones he makes whenever we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49423

You deserved it

6456

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By Nicos - France

Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28831

You deserved it

6189

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By Amber - United States

Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37048

You deserved it

3243

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By cathugger

Today, while hurrying by bike to an appointment, my chain broke. I quickly got off the road and managed to fix it on the sidewalk, covering my hands in black smear. Dirty but confident about my repair skills, I got up. A second later, felt something warm running down my neck. Bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1825

You deserved it

114

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60722

You deserved it

4758

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By future brain bleach addict - Canada - Victoria

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76851

You deserved it

8529

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By finalfantasy - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3728

You deserved it

243

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By justanaccount - Spain

Today, to ask a boy I really liked to my school's turnabout dance, I gave him a box full of 10 cupcakes that spelled out T-U-R-N-A-B-O-U-T-?. The boy gave the box back a little later. There were two cupcakes left inside. It said N-O. FML

I agree, your life sucks

108379

You deserved it

11999

Favorite

By lacy - United States - Louisville

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45267

You deserved it

10308

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By ccblock - United States

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "no", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40131

You deserved it

3669

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By crunknasty - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16993

You deserved it

61621

Favorite

By cuppycakeslove - United States

Today, I had to sit through chemistry class watching the kid in front of me slowly peel off the scabs on his arms, examine them, and then eat them. For an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47225

You deserved it

3127

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the day. When I gave it back after a few hours, she said she just needed it stretched and couldn't find someone fatter to stretch it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24100

You deserved it

2165

Favorite

By ygrowup2fast - 23/4/2020 17:00

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Today, my wife wasn't feeling well. She called her doctor, who isn't seeing patients due to COVID. Had to take her to the ER. After numerous tests, they told her that her potassium levels were low. Diagnosis: eat a banana. When we get the bill(s) from the hospital, this will be the most expensive banana ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1852

You deserved it

260

Favorite

By Obsessed - United States

Today, I was rushed to the hospital because I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Why was I crying? My favorite anime character died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19601

You deserved it

83053

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By sleepy momma - United States - Altoona

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55723

You deserved it

6491

Favorite

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Top comments

By samomaha | 17

#7536212 - Friday 1 September 2017 2:49

Obviously a Trump supporter.

By jfsiv | 17

#7536181 - Friday 1 September 2017 0:25

that is one shiney suit!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7536041 - Thursday 31 August 2017 17:11

He's just trying to get that lady in the sash to smile. Your wedding photos are forever -- why ruin them with a sour puss?

By jfsiv | 17

#7536181 - Friday 1 September 2017 0:25

that is one shiney suit!

By samomaha | 17

#7536212 - Friday 1 September 2017 2:49

Obviously a Trump supporter.

By Talented73 | 54

#7537765 - Tuesday 5 September 2017 20:38

Bill Clinton?

By bunchamz | 2

#7804820 - Tuesday 21 May 2019 18:53

Smh guess the bride need to figure things out lol