- FML

By FML Approved - 01/08/2017 23:00

I agree, your life sucks 3 006

You deserved it 191

Stop talking!

Taking stock

Family issues

By Twomanybananas - 23/01/2017 16:00

Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 578

You deserved it 3 813

By andy - 01/01/2010 14:12 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her clevage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 493

You deserved it 4 785

By Nissan_David - 18/01/2010 06:09 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 389

You deserved it 2 796

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 06:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 561

You deserved it 4 817

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Spicy

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 727

You deserved it 9 177

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 17:42 - Zambia

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 128

You deserved it 2 366

By Anonymous - 20/10/2014 08:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 793

You deserved it 6 430

By Anonymous - 27/04/2016 10:39 - United States - Lemon Grove

Today, I was pretending a long corridor at work was a catwalk, when a coworker walked out just in time to see me prancing around like an idiot. Now the whole building is laughing about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 399

You deserved it 7 447

Social media was a mistake

By Gorgonzola - 13/11/2021 07:59

Today, my now ex-girlfriend dumped me because I refuse to open an account on Facebook, Instagram or whatever. Four years ago, I had to retire from social media for good because another ex-girlfriend was harassing me frequently. No, I didn't have any children with that ex, if that's what you think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 81

Wrong question

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 14:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked, "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently, I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 598

You deserved it 48 669

By anonymous - 27/02/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 502

You deserved it 3 093

By jabba - 05/10/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 659

You deserved it 34 728

Cut her off

By psychobunnycutie - 29/01/2021 14:02

Today, my mom messaged me and was acting weird, we don't have a real relationship. Turns out, she wanted to tell me to stop posting selfies because "it's making her feel bad about her appearance." The worst part? She said, "My husband likes you more than me sexually." That's your big concern? FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 68

Primitive art

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 00:30

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 258

By Anonymous - 14/01/2013 08:24 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 907

You deserved it 6 660

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 10:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss sent me some application forms to check over. After I spell-checked them and returned them, I found out they're going to be used to hire someone to replace me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 439

You deserved it 4 222

By Meg - 17/10/2018 15:30

Today, we moved 2,700 miles across the U.S. to better our lives, with job offers and home options lined up. All of them were given to other people or turned out to be scams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 017

You deserved it 557

Douchebag Alert!

By amy - 02/04/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, my brother bragged about the number of break-up texts he sent this week while driving. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he was dating 3 girls, that he broke up with them over text, that he was texting and driving, or that he's proud of his actions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 597

You deserved it 277

By peacexout108 - 08/11/2009 18:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, my ex told me she still misses having sex with me. Her next text was "but it's still over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 781

You deserved it 3 344

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 06:49 - United Kingdom - Middlewich

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 356

You deserved it 3 208

By My Life Is Just PERFECT - 30/03/2013 15:29 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good, then he said he was going to go out to smoke. 10 minutes went by and he still hadn't come back. I called my friend and she said he doesn't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 903

You deserved it 4 122

By womanlover12345 - 18/07/2011 16:05 - Spain

Today, I finally told my girlfriend of four months that I love her. Her response was, "Uh... thanks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 596

You deserved it 8 829

By emeraldapostle - 25/11/2018 17:30

Today, I had a good day at work. I got all of my stuff done, I got to eat, and I got to clock out on time. It only became a bad day when I was told by my boss that today was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 792

You deserved it 557

By Zak - 23/03/2012 23:10 - United States

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 168

You deserved it 3 422

Toxic workplaces

By Anonymous - 09/09/2021 14:00 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I'm working in a book company where the boss is stingy, and has promoted an incompetent and rude manager. This trickled down to the whole department where I work being ran as a ego-stroking place. The colleagues are the worst type of people imaginable with jealousy and inferiority complexes at their core. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 26/04/2017 12:00

Today, my dog ate so much toilet paper that she can probably wipe herself from the inside out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 644

You deserved it 364

By :( - 02/03/2016 14:13 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had a Chinese test. Our teacher decided to wait until yesterday to tell us about it because she "knew" we wouldn't study anyway and she didn't want to stress us out. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 218

You deserved it 1 973

Quality family time

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 02:00 - United States - Verona

Today, I made a nice dinner for my relatives, as we share the same quarters for lockdown. For an hour, I had to hear the same old complaints about other relatives for the last ten years that I have been hearing about every day since lockdown. I wanted to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 87

By Lara - 03/08/2012 11:28 - Italy - Empoli

Today, my boyfriend told me he still has the key to our mailbox, while being at the other part of the country. Not to worry though, he sent it over. By mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 752

You deserved it 2 190

By Machine - 19/02/2009 12:18 - Japan

Today, I asked to borrow my fat friend's pants for a semi-formal activity tomorrow. I figured I'd just get a belt to hold the pants up. Turns out, the pants fit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 813

You deserved it 63 384

Stabbed!

By Sarah - 19/03/2021 22:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to convince policemen I’m not a victim of domestic abuse after I had to go to hospital for a stab wound for the second time since Xmas. I’m just hopelessly clumsy. I managed to stab myself with a screwdriver while opening a paint tin. Last time, it was a knitting needle while knitting Xmas jumpers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 142

Unwanted

By Anonymous - 02/07/2020 23:01

Today, I found out that I was not invited to my grandma's 80th surprise birthday party. I found out about it from my mom who lives out of state. I’m the only immediate family that would've been able to come. Due to coronavirus, I also missed my grandpa's 80th birthday. Guess I’m 2/2 this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 110

By Anonymous - 05/09/2011 12:05 - Reserved

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 632

You deserved it 4 765

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 061

You deserved it 4 030

By Pfff - 11/12/2008 10:40 - France

Today, I argued with a boy from school over a girl. I didn't know he was a black belt judoka. I'm still in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 370

You deserved it 8 080

By julie24 - 30/05/2014 02:30 - France

Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 172

You deserved it 45 998

Trapped

By obeezy - 30/04/2009 19:56 - United States

Today, I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at my school but my hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and my school had to call the fire department. Now everyone calls me "Tampon Girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 861

You deserved it 69 737

By Anonymous - 14/04/2013 01:14 - United States - Pearland

Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 904

You deserved it 8 323

By VacationRuined - 16/06/2013 23:22 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I left for a one and a half month trip to Japan with my boyfriend. He promptly broke up with me the first night in the hotel. When asked why he couldn't have waited until the trip was over, he said he didn't want to create "false memories". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 830

You deserved it 3 419

By weep weep weep - 12/03/2012 03:04 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 863

You deserved it 3 816

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Top comments

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Wednesday 2 August 2017 6:28

I'm going with Photoshop on this one. Nobody wins $7 and gets a "big check". Funny, but fake.

cymon 4

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Wednesday 2 August 2017 12:51

http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/05/us/brothers-win-lottery/index.html from the article "The Florida lottery noted the double winners by printing Bob Stocklas a full-size winner's check."

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 August 2017 0:37

Next year, Bob will be the happy one.

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 August 2017 6:28

I'm going with Photoshop on this one. Nobody wins $7 and gets a "big check". Funny, but fake.

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 August 2017 6:48

they both probably got big checks because they both won and that itself is remarkable. this is a real story, look it up.

cymon 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 August 2017 12:51

http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/05/us/brothers-win-lottery/index.html from the article "The Florida lottery noted the double winners by printing Bob Stocklas a full-size winner's check."

cymon 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 August 2017 12:52

http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/05/us/brothers-win-lottery/index.html from the article "The Florida lottery noted the double winners by printing Bob Stocklas a full-size winner's check."

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 August 2017 13:18

Yes, I know. I stand corrected. Not Photoshop, not fake, (oddly) not all that funny anymore. More like pathetic, cuz you know the $7 brother, just became the millionaire brother's bitch.

Send a private message

Thursday 3 August 2017 19:45

It is real. It happened in March of 2016 in Florida. The lottery office noted the dual winners by printing Bob Stocklas a full-sized winner's check as well. http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/05/us/brothers-win-lottery/index.html

mitolit 12

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Thursday 3 August 2017 19:46

Cumin beat me to it, oops.

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Thursday 3 August 2017 19:47

I'm done commenting, stupid auto-correct. Cymun*

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Sunday 6 August 2017 17:48

Poor Bob lol

Surewhatever 35

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Monday 7 August 2017 23:29

I don't care, if my brother won 291 MILLION DOLLARS I would happily be his bitch if he would throw me a few.

rgkkk 17

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Friday 15 November 2019 22:03

If they made photo together chances are both of them will have a good life from now on :)

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 22

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 20

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 162

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 244