By Jex - United Kingdom - London Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML I agree, your life sucks 38755 You deserved it 4254 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ThatsNotRight - United States Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML I agree, your life sucks 30737 You deserved it 4404 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wallamanut - United States - Portland Today, my parents decided to finally kick me out of the house because they've gotten tired of seeing me "sleep around all day and being so lazy" whenever I'm home. I'm currently triple-shifting for 6 days a week. FML I agree, your life sucks 36759 You deserved it 2822 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kb10 Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML I agree, your life sucks 16149 You deserved it 75222 251 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Mount Jackson Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML I agree, your life sucks 30258 You deserved it 1992 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Sparks Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML I agree, your life sucks 21797 You deserved it 4615 150 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML I agree, your life sucks 42473 You deserved it 6512 186 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By themuffinman - Japan Today, my girlfriend referred to her yeast infection as "making bread." I can never look at bread the same way. FML I agree, your life sucks 29630 You deserved it 3210 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 7/11/2020 11:01 I'm horny, horny horny horny… Today, my husband chose to masturbate. I'm not getting laid for the forth night in a row, because initiating sex is too hard for him. Just once, I want to not have to initiate or flat out beg for it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1284 You deserved it 238 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Carla J. - France Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought food, new lingerie, and I got a bikini wax. I did stay overnight, but I was holding a bucket for him because he had gastroenteritis. FML I agree, your life sucks 26498 You deserved it 2823 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Happyforeverx - United Arab Emirates Today, I kept restarting my internet, wondering why I wasn't receiving any messages from my friends. Then I realized they were all ignoring me. FML I agree, your life sucks 30208 You deserved it 8740 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE - United Kingdom - Dagenham Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML I agree, your life sucks 25375 You deserved it 7753 209 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BrittUnicorn - United States - Morristown Today, I was having a dream about Chris Pratt. Instead of having a sexy dream that I would have enjoyed, I dreamt he was a supervisor at my work. He kept telling me how much I sucked. FML I agree, your life sucks 30543 You deserved it 3651 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotJessePinkmanFFS - United States - Norwalk Today, my 43-year-old brother's obsession with Breaking Bad reached a new level of stupidity when he nearly got us beaten up by a bunch of meth-heads down by our local park. He went up to them with his shaved head and stupid hat, and tried to act all Walter White with them. FML I agree, your life sucks 23642 You deserved it 2256 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate's alarm clock going off at 6:00 in the morning. His bedroom door was locked, and he was passed out in his bed from drinking too much. It rang continuously for five and a half hours before it finally ran out of batteries. FML I agree, your life sucks 32958 You deserved it 3204 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I got my very first paycheck of $129 for over 40 hours of work. I got paid roughly $3.00 an hour. Alaska minimum is $9.50 per hour, and my HR office is refusing to answer my calls. FML I agree, your life sucks 2971 You deserved it 158 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, at work I was looking for my lost wallet. After hours of looking I gave up and went home. The wallet then shows up in my mail box with an envelope marked "To the asshole." I opened the letter and it was filled with poop. My wallet too. FML I agree, your life sucks 32568 You deserved it 5031 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By limegreenpoopie - United States - Valrico Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML I agree, your life sucks 13420 You deserved it 1475 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX - United States - Spotswood Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML I agree, your life sucks 39009 You deserved it 5152 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - France Today, I drank a beer that I thought was mine, it wasn't and someone had put out their cigarette in it. FML I agree, your life sucks 27431 You deserved it 11842 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ania - United States Today, I went shopping with my mom. I went into my department and tried on some clothes. After a few minutes, there is an announcement that a child has gone missing. Staff are searching the store. I see my mom and she hugs me in tears and yells, "I found her!" I'm almost 17. FML I agree, your life sucks 42780 You deserved it 3616 197 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I was training a new volunteer at a clothing donation center. While explaining how to sort donations, I reached into a garbage bag full of clothes and something on my hand caught my eye. It was a bed bug. The bag was full of them and they sought refuge up my arm. FML I agree, your life sucks 3868 You deserved it 259 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Concussed - Australia Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML I agree, your life sucks 52590 You deserved it 6036 227 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Herndon Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML I agree, your life sucks 29875 You deserved it 9355 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By squad - United States - Washington My first time Today, I lost my virginity with my boyfriend. As he was about to cum, I moaned his brother's name. I've never even met his brother and now I'm single. FML I agree, your life sucks 820 You deserved it 2807 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I learned to never blast classic rock with your convertible's top down while passing an SUV full of gangbanger wanna-bes. That is, of course, unless you want your immaculate, newly detailed leather seats to be decorated with pretty brown and white milkshake stains. FML I agree, your life sucks 49699 You deserved it 8579 243 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML I agree, your life sucks 42716 You deserved it 2578 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Heart-Broken - Canada - Richmond Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML I agree, your life sucks 36783 You deserved it 3578 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nathan - United States Today, I went to see a therapist for the first time because I've been feeling depressed lately. I opened up and said everything that was on my mind. I really spilled my guts. After a good 30 minutes, her first question was, "Do you always talk this much?" FML I agree, your life sucks 75005 You deserved it 7821 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Battlebarney - United States - Washington Today, I learned that the burning sensation I get on my balls isn't from when my girlfriend poured hot sauce on my balls as a prank, it's actually gonorrhea. FML I agree, your life sucks 12391 You deserved it 1926 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rapturezz - United States Today, my ex-girlfriend told my entire family and all my friends that we broke up because I came out to her. They all believe her. Twenty two texts and counting. FML I agree, your life sucks 36936 You deserved it 3739 152 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bye Bye Toast Today, I came home from a funeral to find that my mother had cleaned my house. She thought it would be a good idea to put my toaster in the dishwasher to clean it. My toaster is fried, and she thinks everything's fine. FML I agree, your life sucks 1952 You deserved it 153 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By too eager - Australia - Hurstville Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML I agree, your life sucks 14904 Phew, glad it wasn't me 2934 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By toothbreaker Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend when I accidentally kneed him in the chin and chipped his front tooth. I broke his real tooth, as well as the fake part from when he chipped it ten years ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 1430 You deserved it 240 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AbandonedHouseWife - Canada - Grande Prairie Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML I agree, your life sucks 47068 You deserved it 2552 261 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lonely626 Today, while talking with a coworker, we discussed a weekend home invasion scenario. It was then that I realized my social circle is so non-existent, that my job would notice I'm gone before my friends would. FML I agree, your life sucks 11854 You deserved it 1242 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Spearwood Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML I agree, your life sucks 47855 You deserved it 3539 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - New Hyde Park Today, I was fired from a job I didn't know I had. That is to say, the company hired me but didn't tell me, so when I didn't show up for work two days in a row, they called and claimed job abandonment. FML I agree, your life sucks 5186 You deserved it 279 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ThreeHoursEarly What's the time, please? Today, I was told to be present for a meeting that started at 5pm. I arrived 15 minutes early, and I was late for the meeting. This happens regularly. FML I agree, your life sucks 1994 You deserved it 265 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 4/12/2020 19:58 - United States - Mountain View Can't do the time? Don't do the crime! Today, my entire family was diagnosed with COVID. My son's school decided I was well enough to homeschool him on Zoom all day. My head feels like it’s going to explode and all I want to do is sleep. Did I mention my ADHD son has no symptoms? FML I agree, your life sucks 850 You deserved it 117 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fritterzz | 13 #7514245 - Sunday 30 July 2017 16:44 Dinesh!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Send a private message 8 0 Reply
By Fritterzz | 13 #7514245 - Sunday 30 July 2017 16:44 Dinesh!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Send a private message 8 0 Reply
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 210 You deserved it 23 3 Comments
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after finding out that I opened an Onlyfans account. FML I agree, your life sucks 216 You deserved it 1388 9 Comments
