- FML

By FML Approved - France - Paris

I agree, your life sucks

1419

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Vulture

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Narcolepsy? Boredom?

By sad - United States - Belleville

Today, I found a new way to tell if my girlfriend is on her period. If she responds to "Want me to get you anything while I'm at the store?" by screaming "God just fuck off, you cunt!" then bursting into tears, the answer is a definite yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13923

You deserved it

1380

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By Username - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36283

You deserved it

2575

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By pass_the_tp - United States

Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32232

You deserved it

5504

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2021 05:01 - Norway

Use your socks

Today, I accidentally dropped a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It was my last roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

843

You deserved it

194

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By meens42 - United States

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58115

You deserved it

2820

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By Anonymous - United States - Arlington

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48099

You deserved it

6268

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By notsohandy - Denmark - Hadsten

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69744

You deserved it

8098

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By bandeek

Knackered

Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11936

You deserved it

2824

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By Anonymous

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13170

You deserved it

796

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By Anonymous - United States - Livingston

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51460

You deserved it

4325

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By oxymorons - United States

Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter or my son. Turns out they all are. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34402

You deserved it

3127

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By Stormy - United States

Today, I went to my first ever high school party with music, drinks, and dancing. Within a few minutes of taking my first ever shot of tequila, I was in the worst pain in my life. My parents were called and I had to be taken to the hospital. I'm alcohol intolerant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45948

You deserved it

13947

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 8 year old adopted daughter told me she wants me to take her back so another family can adopt her because I don't give her enough toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41812

You deserved it

4604

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By Blazouta - France

Today, I'm 20 and I'm going bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55982

You deserved it

4558

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By Brad - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I went to dinner with my girlfriend of 2 months. This would have been great, had I not been nodding absentmindedly when she suggested that we start planning our wedding soon, because "she's always dreamt of being married on the same day as Brad and Angelina." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23909

You deserved it

25550

Favorite

By Stingraybeemonster - Thailand

Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18349

You deserved it

2268

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57919

You deserved it

5974

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, on a train to the airport the ticket inspector pointed out that my girlfriend and I hadn't activated our tickets. He suggested one of us get off and activate them at the next station. Now I'm on the moving train with all our luggage and she's waving from the platform with our tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4643

You deserved it

462

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By sadddddd - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40763

You deserved it

3250

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having 6 gangrenous toes amputated because he hasn't been treating his diabetes properly. Not half an hour after he got home, I caught him sneaking sweets from a hiding place in his toolbox. He's already lost the bag with his medication in it. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3392

You deserved it

309

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By mugged - United States

Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40178

You deserved it

4696

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that my new landlords must meet and approve guests of mine before they come over, and guests are not allowed when they aren't home or past 11pm. I'm 25 years old and just moved out of my parents' home to get away from my controlling mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31620

You deserved it

4060

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By blaze - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a really sweet poem that he wrote for me. I think it was secondhand - the first letter of each verse spelled his ex girlfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33040

You deserved it

2434

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By furious parent

Today, I caught my mother telling my 11-year-old daughter that if she wants to be happy in life, she needs to start exercising now, because fat can creep up on you, and rich guys never marry fat girls with nice personalities. I was fuming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1965

You deserved it

291

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By ANONYMOUS -_- - United States - Providence

My ears!

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39820

You deserved it

3525

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By Elcam - Belgium

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45720

You deserved it

5593

Favorite

By starrybrooke - United States

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55442

You deserved it

9899

Favorite

By deadgrass - United States - Middletown

Heavenly Shower

Today, I discovered that the stream of water that periodically falls onto the ground outside my apartment window isn't actually water. The guy above me regularly pees out of his window onto his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25610

You deserved it

1936

Favorite

By Anonymous

Gentrification strikes !

Today, I actually can't choose what's worse, hearing my direct neighbour having really loud sex on a regular basis, including furniture breaking, or hearing people cheering and playing the piano in the same room. Upper-class fantasy? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1279

You deserved it

216

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By tsukinoie - United States

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45533

You deserved it

6842

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By Thescarlettfox - 17/9/2020 16:58

Now Playing

Today, my eleven-year-old cousin, who lives with me, has discovered Old Town Road. He’s been playing it for four hours on repeat and I’m ready to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

956

You deserved it

105

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By I'll Make You FartCum - United States - San Francisco

Great handle!

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML

I agree, your life sucks

41295

You deserved it

9087

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By Bob - United States

Today, I went to the orthodontist. The lady took a break and went to use the restroom. Apparently she didn't bother to take her gloves off, and they smelled like straight up pee. She had her hands in my mouth for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46490

You deserved it

8431

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24904

You deserved it

2210

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By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, I went to a bingo club with my gran and won the second game and a butthurt old lady accused me of cheating. I ended up being taken aside by an apologetic member of staff and asked to leave. I'm still trying to figure out how you can even cheat at bingo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21818

You deserved it

1432

Favorite

By theboy6494 - United States

Today, I came home early from business trip in Paris, I bought an engagement ring. I was going to take my girlfriend of 2 years out and propose to her. I sneak into my house as a surprise and she's having it off with another man. Now I have a ring that I can only return in France. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63153

You deserved it

4141

Favorite

By Anonymous

Happy Feet

Today, an old lady rear ended my car the light. Her explanation was, "It's a new car, and when I take my foot off the break, it just rolls forward all on its own! I don't know what's wrong with it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1652

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - North Little Rock

Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34470

You deserved it

2040

Favorite

By Chelsea - United States

Today, during some previews before the new Harry Potter movie, a guy stood up and led the audience in an enthusiastic and rather successful chant "H-A-R-R-Y!". Minutes later when I attempted to do the same thing, I was pelted with half-full bags of popcorn, freezing sodas, and booing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13180

You deserved it

85001

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/6/2020 08:08

Fake mystery guy

Today, I dressed cute to surprise my boyfriend of 2 years. Instead of being happy or impressed about it, he accused me of cheating and dressing up to impress a new guy he'd made up in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1548

You deserved it

118

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Top comments

By Therebepeople | 13

#7511605 - Saturday 29 July 2017 5:41

I don't know, maybe she will just give you bad directions.

By Uniquestar7 | 20

#7510794 - Friday 28 July 2017 19:33

THIS is bullying!

COMMENTS

By Essayon | 8

#7510769 - Friday 28 July 2017 19:11

She is named after an Ordinal Direction rather than one of the stately Cardinal Directions so she will have to grow up quick and grow up mean.

By Uniquestar7 | 20

#7510794 - Friday 28 July 2017 19:33

THIS is bullying!

By Therebepeople | 13

#7511605 - Saturday 29 July 2017 5:41

I don't know, maybe she will just give you bad directions.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7512256 - Saturday 29 July 2017 14:02

Looks like she has the talent of Kim and the humility of Kanye.