- FML

By FML Approved

I agree, your life sucks

1050

You deserved it

157

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Out of it

Good kid

Triage

By distracted - Australia - Pymble

Today, I woke up early and took my medication to help me focus while catching up on lectures. I ended up spending the whole day focused on fixing my drawer for no apparent reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25367

You deserved it

4051

Favorite

By brokeasajoke - United States - El Reno

Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42710

You deserved it

10728

Favorite

By namehere34 - United States

Today, I found a diamond on the floor, which I could only assume was from one of my brother's cheap earrings. I was positive that it was fake. To prove it to myself, I ran it across my window, as they say only real diamonds cut glass. It's real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8457

You deserved it

42273

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By Can't Believe It. - United States - Fairview

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46167

You deserved it

9178

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By Anonymous - United States - South Gate

Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10625

You deserved it

37272

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By itendstonight - Ireland

Today, it was my turn to have the trophy my baseball team won a few weeks ago. I then find out that my brother and his buddies thought it would be funny to fill the trophy up with beer, drink the beer, and then pee in it. Not only is it over 50yrs old, it stinks of pee and is due back tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42922

You deserved it

4363

Favorite

By jami898 - United States - Medford

Today, I passed out. I fell to the hardwood floor, cut my chin, and bit through my lip. Fortunately, my brother was there to help stop the bleeding and get me some water. All I had to do was wait until he finished his game of Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24520

You deserved it

1835

Favorite

By mycar - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54751

You deserved it

6247

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ukraine - Kiev

Live chat

Today, I found the girlfriend of my best friend on a webcam site. I then told him that and his only response was, "Yeah, I know, that's where we met." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1564

You deserved it

552

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By asdf - United States

Today, was my high school's senior awards ceremony. Over 400 people were crammed in the hot auditorium. I won five awards and each time I was called up the laughter grew louder. Apparently even the back row could see my pit stains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46534

You deserved it

5339

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By santasadiekins - United States

Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34542

You deserved it

4826

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By fml9124

Today, it's our 32nd wedding anniversary. Two weeks ago I caught a cold on an airplane. Since I got back, she hasn't kissed or let me touch her. I'm still coughing. She says maybe it's not a cold, maybe it's TB. She's left to stay in a hotel until I get better or die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1686

You deserved it

153

Favorite

By TordNorski - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Great first day

Today, I started a new job at a family owned business. About ten minutes into training, the mother and father started an argument that ended in each of them storming off, demanding a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23742

You deserved it

1405

Favorite

By howcanihelpyou - United States - Wantagh

Today, while working as a receptionist at a doctor's office, my boss asked me to check in one more patient before I left. He paid his $50 copay in nickels and dimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1832

You deserved it

123

Favorite

By PeedMom - United States - Cedar Bluff

Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. After a few seconds of peeing, I realized I had only pulled down my pants. Not my underpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3938

You deserved it

1787

Favorite

By peepa

Today, I finished my last day of job training. At the beginning, the boss had told us to ask as many questions as possible. I was fired because I asked too many questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4038

You deserved it

415

Favorite

By Watsausrname

Today, I was using the restroom at a gas station when someone hurriedly knocked on the door. Thinking that it was my sister, I playfully said, "Hold up, hoe!" I opened the door to see a goth woman with an edgy haircut giving me a death stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12756

You deserved it

5945

Favorite

By Cody1324

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years is better friends with my younger sister and when she has free time to go out and do something, she would rather spend it with her than with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2487

You deserved it

376

Favorite

By Username - France

Today, I learned the hard way that leaving eye drops in your car all day makes them scorching hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14259

You deserved it

40811

Favorite

By whyme

Help

Today, feeling so depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, I texted a girl I had a crush on. Her response? "Can you please delete my number, you're getting annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35431

You deserved it

19723

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/5/2021 23:59 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Money for whining

Today, I realized I get paid to hear my boss complain and talk crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

670

You deserved it

102

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26151

You deserved it

5833

Favorite

By help me - United States - West Hartford

Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68710

You deserved it

9902

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I crawled under a table to plug a new lamp. When I tried to get up, I hit my head on the corner of the same table, getting me my fourth concussion in three years for trying to plug a f***ing lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11105

You deserved it

4622

Favorite

By andrie09 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get anything for my parents' anniversary. I just sent my brother a check for $400 for my share of their gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44235

You deserved it

3057

Favorite

By canwesayfail - United States - Gloucester

Today, the only part of my Psychology final that I was 100% confident in was my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11435

You deserved it

3131

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months started a bitter fight with me. The cause was me repeatedly refusing to dye my hair the way his beloved ex did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36457

You deserved it

3639

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Knowle

Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29347

You deserved it

6724

Favorite

By omgwhyme - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56192

You deserved it

49238

Favorite

By Patrick R - United States

Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40030

You deserved it

6965

Favorite

By sashimi9999 - United States - Salinas

Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50173

You deserved it

5864

Favorite

By prochainefois - France - Paris

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62226

You deserved it

6880

Favorite

By Nickname - United States

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42846

You deserved it

6217

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/9/2020 23:03 - Canada

Red flags

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was really excited to meet his brother, since his brother is his best friend. One of the first questions his brother asked me was, "He did tell you he isn't the handsome brother, right?" Followed by, "You aren't a feminist are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1127

You deserved it

200

Favorite

By Boulette - France - Dammartin-en-go?le

Today, I was on vacation, when a very cute guy starting talking to me and asked me what my name was. Overwhelmed and stressed out, I blurted out that I didn't have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50860

You deserved it

12642

Favorite

By Yeah - United States - El Paso

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33095

You deserved it

17728

Favorite

By WaitingByThePhone - United States

Today, I got excited when my cell phone lit up because I hadn't received a single phone call all day. Turns out it was the "low battery" indicator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45803

You deserved it

11412

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my daughter asked me to braid her hair. When I was done, she said Daddy's girlfriend does it better. I wasn't aware we had an open marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4007

You deserved it

172

Favorite

By ???

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my mom about her boyfriend hitting on me. Not only did she not care, but she got mad at me. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8659

You deserved it

467

Favorite

By WTF - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58424

You deserved it

3868

Favorite

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Top comments

By bsshooter | 14

#7509245 - Thursday 27 July 2017 23:39

rock show

By sumocj | 14

#7510324 - Friday 28 July 2017 13:23

Check out my rock collection

COMMENTS

By bsshooter | 14

#7509245 - Thursday 27 July 2017 23:39

rock show

By sumocj | 14

#7510324 - Friday 28 July 2017 13:23

Check out my rock collection