- FML

By FML Approved - France - Paris

I agree, your life sucks

1287

You deserved it

197

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Triage

The smell detective is on the case

Cheating cheater

By FunTimes - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1557

You deserved it

103

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was walking into my apartment building, a douchebag leaned out his truck window and yelled, "HOW MUCH FOR A BJ?" He then pulled into a spot near my car. Apparently I have a charming new neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33439

You deserved it

2886

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/5/2021 02:01 - Saint Lucia - Castries

Poor odds

Today, I looked into my fiance's Twitter to see he follows tons of "nipslips" and adult/porn pages, even though we've had numerous fights with him making excuses as to how/why I've been "misunderstanding" past issues. At this point I've pretty much bet my life on this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

665

You deserved it

480

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boss texted me to say the office was closed because of the snow. I begged him to let me go in anyway because I had nothing to do all day. I have no life, friends or hobbies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28816

You deserved it

12335

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By nooneinparticular

Fragrant

Today, I realized that I get turned on by my girlfriend's perfume. My mother started using the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1593

You deserved it

148

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By longest minute - United States - Cypress

Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13634

You deserved it

2635

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Westerville

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40586

You deserved it

6144

Favorite

By meesmees - United States - Severna Park

Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43720

You deserved it

6781

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML

I agree, your life sucks

68460

You deserved it

15354

Favorite

By boylookingirl - United States

Today, my friend installed this new application that shows you what a girl would look like as a boy and what a boy would look like as a girl. Well I'm a girl and when it was my turn it didn't change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32921

You deserved it

4981

Favorite

By janae

Today, I discovered that I am pregnant. I questioned my boyfriend and he admitted to not using a condom because he thought we were just doing "practice sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2852

You deserved it

1672

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By Joy - Denmark

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

35986

You deserved it

19170

Favorite

By hb1 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, I caught my "best friend" on my laptop, copying my girlfriend's nudes onto his flash drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14636

You deserved it

3123

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my lazy manager, who blatantly spreads vicious rumors about employees, one which has ruined a marriage, has started targeting me because her lazy daughter was legally fired. Now I'm known around the office as "the whore who slept her way up the corporate ladder." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27698

You deserved it

1833

Favorite

By Anonymous

LOL AWKS

Today, I decided to finally tell my name to this really hot guy I had been anonymously chatting with for a couple of weeks. He said he would be fine with whoever I am, and want to go out with me. After sending my name, there was a long, awkward pause, and his last reply to me was, "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1748

You deserved it

279

Favorite

By iwannagotomiamitoo - United States - Brookline

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53579

You deserved it

3140

Favorite

By ks.swan13

Today, I got a call about my dog who went missing a week ago. The guy who called said "We have your dog, but you aren't getting her back." Then he hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43568

You deserved it

2883

Favorite

By SadExperiment - United States - Claremont

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34575

You deserved it

3307

Favorite

By ~~~ - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47457

You deserved it

4320

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Montreal

Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43424

You deserved it

15984

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By Christopher - Canada

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

111534

You deserved it

6169

Favorite

By whatrights - United States

Today, I learned that "Officer, I do not consent to any searches" means "Officer, please handcuff me, I am trying to be difficult" in cop speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51349

You deserved it

23726

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By Anonymous - Israel - Netanya

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46403

You deserved it

3826

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By Potted - United States - Denton

Today, after my close friend had his baby, he told me that he was no longer going to be selling weed at his house. I was happy for him, because it's unsafe. Until I found out he was still selling at my house with the help of my roommates, without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26866

You deserved it

3884

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29631

You deserved it

1961

Favorite

By Noob - United States - Houston

Today, I restarted my desktop computer at work. Nobody told me, but it turns out that my computer holds the licenses used for all programs on the server. Needless to say, a lot of people hate me right now. It's only my fifth day here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4705

You deserved it

433

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, in physics class, my teacher was messing around with an air cannon and I accidentally blurted out, "Blow me!" It took me all of 5 seconds to realize why everyone was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6696

You deserved it

1596

Favorite

By bull-stuff - United States - Columbia

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37388

You deserved it

2491

Favorite

By _Emilyy - United States

Today, I updated my facebook status to, "Party at my house this Friday. Like my status if you want to come." After about 3 hours I checked back to discover that the only person who'd liked my status was my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41425

You deserved it

10484

Favorite

By BadBribe - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52975

You deserved it

30047

Favorite

By pst - South Africa

We need a break

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18626

You deserved it

59059

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse: the fact that I know she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38089

You deserved it

13853

Favorite

By Nile - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She said no because she doesn't want to be tied down for the rest of her life. We already have 3 children, a mortgage, and joint bank accounts. How much more tied down could we possibly get? FML

I agree, your life sucks

30775

You deserved it

2819

Favorite

By parched - United States

Today, the city shut off the water at my house because my roommate thought that the water bills he had been hoarding were "suggestions." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33689

You deserved it

3254

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it was sunny and bright so I woke up feeling great. I pulled back the curtains in my room and saw my cat dead on the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49778

You deserved it

4130

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By Peter - United States

Today, we found out where our daughter had been hiding her crayons. We also found out why our stereo stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26485

You deserved it

2966

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Retford

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I really feel about her, due in no small part to how flirty she's been towards me lately. Turns out she's really just a skank and was trying to make my best friend "jealous". He's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42085

You deserved it

4248

Favorite

By mommymo - Australia

Today, while tearfully telling my closest friends that I had miscarried my first pregnancy, the first thing out of their mouths was, 'So, does this mean you're going to start drinking with us again?' FML

I agree, your life sucks

43075

You deserved it

4385

Favorite

By Anon - United Kingdom - Stafford

Today, my ex-fiancée's new boyfriend phoned me to ask what her ring size is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27759

You deserved it

1805

Favorite

By Mimo - Egypt

Today, my best friend told me she's been in love with me for over 4 years. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams in a month and she's supposed to be my bridesmaid. "Awkward" doesn't even begin to describe our friendship right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14532

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2018

Favorite

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Top comments

By Talented73 | 54

#7508994 - Thursday 27 July 2017 20:49

What a lovely shaved pussy. I want to grab it!

By BiGTiMeNeRD | 29

#7509381 - Friday 28 July 2017 1:24

Well, when you're a celebrity, they let you do that.

COMMENTS

By Talented73 | 54

#7508994 - Thursday 27 July 2017 20:49

What a lovely shaved pussy. I want to grab it!

BiGTiMeNeRD | 29

#7509381 - Friday 28 July 2017 1:24

Well, when you're a celebrity, they let you do that.

By GIJoefan | 6

#7509410 - Friday 28 July 2017 1:39

If looks could kill.....