- FML

By FML Approved - France - Paris

I agree, your life sucks

1428

You deserved it

281

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Understandable

Fish and chips is life

Marxism intensifies

By itwaswarm - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I was peeing at a urinal, when the man next to me finished up and shook his penis. I got splashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26438

You deserved it

1738

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By APetsPet - United States

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54324

You deserved it

4420

Favorite

By Cococautly - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70650

You deserved it

13855

Favorite

By nilssonfan - United States

Today, I bought one of my favorite albums from when I was growing up. When I looked at the liner notes, I learned that my favorite song on the album wasn't about taking a bath, but about going to a brothel. My second-favorite isn't about moving, but about suicide. My childhood just shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27712

You deserved it

5883

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the park with my friend and we decided to swing. While we were swinging, we decided to jump off backwards. All would have worked out fine if my pants hadn't gotten caught on the metal of the swing, leaving my bare butt exposed. The man who was in the park with his daughter left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9188

You deserved it

23512

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/3/2020 02:04 - United States - Houston

Fundies say the darndest things

Today, I opened a lesson with the phrase, "As we all know, the world is over 4 billion years old." One of my students immediately snorted and said, in all seriousness, that I was wrong, and that the Earth is only 6000 years old. A few of his classmates agreed. I teach geology at university. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1567

You deserved it

207

Favorite

By laxie - United States

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38099

You deserved it

3883

Favorite

By sadman - United States

Today, it's my three month anniversary with my girlfriend and so I decided to bake her a cake from scratch. It took me three hours, a call to my mom, three different recipe books, and half my pantry. On the way to her house, I stopped to pick up flowers and left the cake in the car. It melted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41347

You deserved it

11657

Favorite

By XxFA1LxX - Canada - Calgary

Today, my neighbors bought a signal scrambler to stop their kids from going on the internet at night. Too bad it blocks my internet too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32279

You deserved it

2495

Favorite

By dafuqdidisee - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43783

You deserved it

5283

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36275

You deserved it

2574

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By chiraag87 - United States

Thanks, but no thanks

Today, I was called into work to fix up their projection system. I drove 40 kilometers in peak hour to get there. As soon as I parked my car and was about to walk in, I got a phone call saying "Don't worry, we fixed it, you don't have to come in." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28370

You deserved it

2197

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I flashed my boobs at my boyfriend's boss. My boyfriend was wearing tan pants and a black sweater. His boss was wearing black pants and a tan sweater. From 100 feet away they looked the same until my boyfriend came behind me wanting to know what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9843

You deserved it

48188

Favorite

By letmedienow - United States

Today, after being admitted to the emergency room for severe abdominal pain, my boyfriend shouted out in front of my parents, "At least she isn't pregnant!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29431

You deserved it

3380

Favorite

By fullmoonfml - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to moon people out of my friend's car window. I rolled down the window and mooned a random couple. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I had to get out of the car and pick up my phone and wallet, which were in my back pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6155

You deserved it

57525

Favorite

By LovedByFamily - Germany - K?ln

Today, I found out that my mom gives my brother tips on how to hurt my feelings the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34358

You deserved it

2302

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/6/2020 08:08

Dead wrong

Today, I attended my husband's funeral and my son carried out the eulogy, which basically turned into a character assassination, ending with "and I hope Hell is hot enough for you, old man." Almost our entire family agreed with every word he said. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1450

You deserved it

377

Favorite

By disgusted - United States

Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25090

You deserved it

2128

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror and she quickly excused herself. That was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23360

You deserved it

2484

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I gave a carpet shampooing demonstration in a stranger's home. To my surprise, the white expensive carpet was dyed grey due to something in the solution. The owner held me hostage in her house by barracading the door until my manager got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49454

You deserved it

9035

Favorite

By ugly - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to school. I was applying some makeup when I noticed a little boy watching me. When I was finished I heard him whisper to his mom, "I thought make up was supposed to make you pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32398

You deserved it

6725

Favorite

By lu… - 8/12/2020 08:02 - United States - San Jose

Monster!

Today, my mother decided that I'm a complete sociopath and that I don’t care that my grandmother just died. Why? Because I haven’t lost my appetite. My grief response is to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

832

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 04:01 - Canada - Brampton

Cum hoc ergo propter hoc

Today, I fell down my stairs twice after helping a senior get in her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1029

You deserved it

121

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By leez - United States

Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33972

You deserved it

1821

Favorite

By Juancames3

Saboteur!

Today, after spending all night packing for my 5am flight to Brazil, my cat peed all over my open suitcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3595

You deserved it

691

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By CPN - United States

Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

86222

You deserved it

9087

Favorite

By Bishop

Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42073

You deserved it

6605

Favorite

By Angel

Today, while out to dinner with my adult daughter, I told her I look at her Twitter because it helped me to feel close to her since she rarely calls or visits. When I got home from dinner and looked at her Twitter, she had set it to private. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10209

You deserved it

2506

Favorite

By killercow - United States

Today, I walked into the laundry room when my mom pulled a condom wrapper out of my pants pocket. She looked at me and said "you know you can't wash and reuse these." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30165

You deserved it

22928

Favorite

By It was the 11 year old - United States - Austin

Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29816

You deserved it

5000

Favorite

By meach - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39703

You deserved it

4164

Favorite

By bman - Australia - Sydney

Today, I caught myself staring at my grandmother's cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11906

You deserved it

50038

Favorite

Teenage narcs

Today, my mom called to tell me that I needed to clean the side of her couch. Why? Because someone picked their nose and wiped snot all on the side of it. She thinks it was me because I sat there last. It wasn't me. I don't even live there, but I have 2 teenage siblings that blame everything on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1753

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By nicholascageonyourface - United States - Papillion

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62309

You deserved it

5127

Favorite

By Oops - United States - Anchorage

Today, while celebrating my birthday, my friends hired a few escorts to make the party more interesting. This was a really bad way to learn that my sister is a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10547

You deserved it

891

Favorite

By unsatisfied - France

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27312

You deserved it

5323

Favorite

By ~~~~ - Belgium - Hemiksem

Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11324

You deserved it

5992

Favorite

By soon to have a fist shaped hole in my ass - Canada - Cornwall

Today, my neighbors in the apartment above me yet again had a loud fight, well past midnight while I was trying to sleep. I stood on my bed and pounded on the ceiling to shut them up. And now I'll have to explain the two fist-shaped holes in the ceiling to my landlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20924

You deserved it

8607

Favorite

By really - United States

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36934

You deserved it

4331

Favorite

By The Bearded Woman - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32821

You deserved it

2870

Favorite

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Top comments

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7498925 - Wednesday 19 July 2017 19:12

They are trying way too hard to be funny.

By cakefete2 | 30

#7498919 - Wednesday 19 July 2017 19:05

Now he won't be able to smell what the Rock is cooking.

COMMENTS

By cakefete2 | 30

#7498919 - Wednesday 19 July 2017 19:05

Now he won't be able to smell what the Rock is cooking.

LittleRed79 | 39

#7499126 - Wednesday 19 July 2017 21:31

He may have to literally follow his nose.

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7498925 - Wednesday 19 July 2017 19:12

They are trying way too hard to be funny.

Lalala579121 | 27

#7499702 - Thursday 20 July 2017 6:32

Wait, you mean that was supposed to be funny?

By howxvery | 22

#7499880 - Thursday 20 July 2017 8:47

I just audibly gasped

By wickedgetz | 29

#7500131 - Thursday 20 July 2017 11:44

brings a whole new meaning to the game... I got your nose