- FML

By FML Approved - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

I agree, your life sucks

1163

You deserved it

257

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Leave us alone

Vulture

Territorial pissings

By Black Cat 13 - United States

Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36040

You deserved it

3500

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By IVOaf - United States

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40498

You deserved it

4843

Favorite

By Fv-day - United States

Today, I received a notice that my boyfriend had given me a rose via Happy Aquarium on Facebook. It came with a date cancellation so that he and his friends could play BioShock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25564

You deserved it

4632

Favorite

By 0h_Boy

Death Rattle part 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, at my job in a funeral home, I was transferring a body off a stretcher when it exhaled its last breath. Right into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1714

You deserved it

149

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because her mom said she would buy her a pug if she did. I got dumped for a dog, and an ugly one for that matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39584

You deserved it

6956

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By noname - France

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!". She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12004

You deserved it

25220

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By "lildale92"

So cute

Today, my youngest decided my phone needed a bath in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1674

You deserved it

269

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By chickenshit4 - United States - Pine Ridge

Today, my 43 year old mother came home covered in hickeys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13141

Phew, glad it wasn't me

3034

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By pupitre - Canada

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28383

You deserved it

4924

Favorite

My long-distance partner came to visit me for the weekend. When he arrived he seemed moody and tired, and refused any kind of physical contact. Upset, I asked him what was wrong. Turns out he's mad for coming to see me because I've put on weight, making the trip a waste of his time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3537

You deserved it

448

Favorite

By Baconcook3000 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I put 7 kisses at the end of a text instead of 10. She said that our relationship was bound to fail if "I can't remember important things like that". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50725

You deserved it

6135

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By Stephanie - United States

Another fine mess

Today, I bought my wedding dress and sat it on the bed while I went to buy matching shoes. When I came home, I saw my soon to be husband on the bed sitting next to my wedding dress. Turns out he spilt Coca-Cola on the dress and was trying to get it out with carpet cleanser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29581

You deserved it

5486

Favorite

By ohlordhelpmenow - United States

Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's mold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29429

You deserved it

2674

Favorite

By blueglover - United States - Perris

Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23866

You deserved it

3675

Favorite

By pchemist - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks

89229

You deserved it

6955

Favorite

By thissucks - United States

Today, after finishing a three-page essay for my spanish class, I went to rip up my brainstorming paper in an act of triumph. After I finished ripping it up, I looked on my desk to see my brainstorming paper fully intact, and my essay torn into bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12459

You deserved it

67801

Favorite

By depr3ssed - United States

Today, I realized what all the women I've been with have in common: Craigslist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8531

You deserved it

29418

Favorite

By justfat - United States

Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68663

You deserved it

15576

Favorite

By Sabre777

Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1474

You deserved it

133

Favorite

By Anonymous

Mommy's bravest little boy

Today, my boyfriend of 9 months asked me to park in a parallel street from where he lives when dropping him off. Why? Because his mom might see me. He's 32. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1439

You deserved it

295

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By drugged_on_arrival - Virgin Islands British

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52092

You deserved it

16760

Favorite

By shoveless - United States

Today, I came home from school to find my house ransacked. The robbers shoveled a path from my back door to the driveway, through the snow, then they stole my snow-shovel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8604

You deserved it

556

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By dom - United States

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24233

You deserved it

33756

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By failuretolaunch2 - United States

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37408

You deserved it

4859

Favorite

By Erin - 22/4/2021 17:01 - United States - Pompton Plains

Gratitude walks

Today, after drawing a huge portrait of a homeless man to raise awareness about homelessness, I showed it to him. When I told him I was glad he liked the drawing, he groped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

934

You deserved it

191

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Yuma

Today, after buying hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas presents, my transmission blew up on the interstate heading home. Now, I either have to return the gifts or not drive over 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10225

You deserved it

955

Favorite

By browngirl - Canada - Vernon

Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45782

You deserved it

4939

Favorite

By hellostupid - United States

Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35895

You deserved it

4794

Favorite

By Maxx - United States

Today, I was so bored at work that I put a zip tie on my finger just for the excitement of trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9607

You deserved it

22223

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By SeriouslyMakeItStop - United States - Waco

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47221

You deserved it

9002

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By kiwi2323 - United States

Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29302

You deserved it

3328

Favorite

By dumbass - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46669

You deserved it

5840

Favorite

By nubs

Today, my dad wants a divorce. I can either stay with my wine-loving mom or move 300km away with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2659

You deserved it

153

Favorite

By BarCrush

"friend"

Today, and for the past two months, I've been going to the bar with my friends quite regularly because I have a massive crush on the cute bartender. Being quite shy, I asked my friend if he could be my wingman so I could finally talk to her properly. He took her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4643

You deserved it

910

Favorite

By donguigeek - France

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23337

You deserved it

1949

Favorite

By tracelee - United States

Today, I hit a parked car. I was walking. To make the scene more embarrassing, the car alarm shocked me and I backed up quickly into the parking meter, knocking me down once more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44451

You deserved it

13201

Favorite

By sad - Canada

Today, I left my book on the plane after I'd finished reading it. The flight attendant thought I'd forgotten it, so he chased me through the airport, past security, past customs, and past baggage claims. I didn't have the heart to tell him I left it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10045

You deserved it

45871

Favorite

By Shocked

Why hello there...

Today, while looking at a house to buy, I opened a bathroom door. There was a naked man on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4619

You deserved it

414

Favorite

By userrrrr - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48458

You deserved it

3741

Favorite

By neverdoingthatagain - United States - Pottstown

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones made her extremely horny. The doctor said that intercourse during pregnancy was very healthy, so we decided to do it. Let's just say that the bumpy ride didn't help her morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21192

You deserved it

2090

Favorite

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Top comments

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7497970 - Wednesday 19 July 2017 6:46

This one isn't even remotely funny.

By Cali | 54

#7499301 - Thursday 20 July 2017 0:07

Bitch don't kill my vibe.

COMMENTS

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7497970 - Wednesday 19 July 2017 6:46

This one isn't even remotely funny.

Cali | 54

#7499301 - Thursday 20 July 2017 0:07

Bitch don't kill my vibe.