- FML

By FML Approved - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

I agree, your life sucks

1848

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By Pissed - New Zealand

Today, I was standing in the gas station, pulling out my wallet to pay the $100 of gas I just filled my car with. I opened my wallet and found a note saying "borrowed money for food". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42308

You deserved it

4300

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By Noname - United States

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

I agree, your life sucks

20265

You deserved it

50168

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By lonely - United States

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32002

You deserved it

7717

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2021 00:01

Wake up call

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

690

You deserved it

390

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 20:01

Clean break

Today, I simultaneously learned that fracturing your penis is a thing that can happen while my wife fractured mine in the middle of some rough reverse cowgirl. My penis is now black and blue with an almost 90 degree bend, and to make it worse the ambulance guys thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1280

You deserved it

245

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By Anonymous - United States

Jim Henson lives

Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80339

You deserved it

5102

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By FUCK GOD - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36019

You deserved it

4828

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By Meg

Today, we moved 2,700 miles across the U.S. to better our lives, with job offers and home options lined up. All of them were given to other people or turned out to be scams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3001

You deserved it

553

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By epicvixen - Canada - Richmond

Today, while driving, I saw someone's hubcap blowing away behind me on the highway. I thought it was funny and sort of chuckled to myself. Later I realized it was my hubcap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17749

You deserved it

27181

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By happy bday - Canada

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28917

You deserved it

9363

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2021 20:00 - United States - Elverson

Ever Given

Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

771

You deserved it

251

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 22:58

Saucy devil

Today, I was helping my Dad with an internet issue he was having. He gave me his tablet to check it out. I opened the browser, and there were 8 tabs open. All of them were PornHub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

888

You deserved it

126

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By BudmaudeY - Sweden

Today, I noticed that the injury on my hand from three weeks ago no longer hurt. A while later, I accidentally slammed that same hand in a door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23359

You deserved it

15794

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By kmang33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that I think too much during sex. Now the only thing I can think about is how much I'm thinking too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30936

You deserved it

7030

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By Jennifer H.

Time travel is possible… via hair salons

Today, I told my new hairstylist that I like Jennifer Aniston's look and that I'm trying to grow my hair out. She gave me the "Rachel" haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4147

You deserved it

1225

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By JimiHendrix - France - Luynes

Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28899

You deserved it

7335

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By chriss - United States

Today, my mom scooped the litter box right before I went to work. I brown bagged my lunch this morning. She brown bagged the poop from the litter box. Both were on the counter. Guess which one I brought to work? FML

I agree, your life sucks

62892

You deserved it

14625

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By nukebroadcast - United States

Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30228

You deserved it

5986

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By fmll - Norway

Today, my boyfriend texted me and said I had forgotten my blue bra. I don't have any blue bras. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45484

You deserved it

3429

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By Anonymous - United States - Covina

Today, my manager challenged me to make two big sales at work. Seeing as customers spend a lot of money in our store, I decided the challenge was fairly easy and accepted. She immediately started stealing all of my sales. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12479

You deserved it

868

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By chickety boom - United States - Austin

Today, my 70-year-old grandmother held a celebration over officially having divorced my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43900

You deserved it

4280

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By Philip - Australia

Today, my roommate told me that when he takes a shower he likes to swipe the bar of soap in between his butt cheeks, "like a credit card." I use that soap on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7724

You deserved it

1597

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By that girl - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

55135

You deserved it

12584

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By ishouldhidethekeys - United Kingdom

Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39856

You deserved it

4715

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By NoPainNoGain - United States

Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall. Indecisive whether to get off and help her or to just keep going, I lost my focus and footing and flew back next to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57360

You deserved it

26422

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By Jen - United States - Woodland Hills

Communication breakdown

Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34801

You deserved it

7239

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By Steven, Customer Service - United States - Dover Plains

"Hey, where the white women at?"

Today, I took a call from a man who said his dating apps are connecting him with "black and oriental women" when he only wants white women. I spent 47 minutes on the phone with this customer trying to explain that I am only an AT&T Service Rep and have no control over any dating apps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6758

You deserved it

439

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By dan - 13/8/2020 17:01

Unloved

Today, I found out that all of the times my mom told me that she was busy out of town wasn’t due to work, it was that she was going on vacations with her boyfriend and his kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1507

You deserved it

100

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By Cheese luv - Australia - Watson

Today, my father threw out my $100 wedge of blue cheese because it "smelled funny". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12915

You deserved it

2220

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By Kanata

Today, my phone cut out during a call for a job interview. I tried calling them back, but there was no answer. Later, I got an email from the interviewer, saying I was no longer being considered for the position due to my being "rude and unprofessional." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1760

You deserved it

137

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By rune breaker

Today, I got the hiccups during an exam. I wasn't allowed to leave to get a drink of water, so I had to sit there and take my test while hiccuping violently. The teacher ended up sending me to the hall and ripping up my test for "distracting the other students". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3416

You deserved it

206

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By holliefall - United States

Today, I called Tech Support because the computer program wouldn't let me open files for my online classes. After an hour, and being walked through the downloading process multiple times. There was a pause and he said "You're a F*ing idiot." and hung up. It still won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51415

You deserved it

22703

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49558

You deserved it

7300

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By C45 - Canada

Today, from my girlfriend of five years, I got my clothes back, my engagment ring and a card that says, "Merry Christmas! It's me not you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35511

You deserved it

2576

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By Notabum - United States

Today, I received official notification that my license was being suspended for multiple DUIs. Apparently, my brother is a drunk and has been using my ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46996

You deserved it

2877

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By tatatest - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11453

You deserved it

58803

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By Anonymous - United States - Natick

Today, I was in class and I smelled what I thought was month-old trash coming from a student in front of me. I politely ignored the smell, only to realize a few hours later that the persistent smell wasn't coming from every student in my university, but was from my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20158

You deserved it

8370

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By grandson of a p.o.s. - United States - Somers

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40051

You deserved it

2951

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend who I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I find out that last time he saw me, I was blind drunk and vomiting after propositioning him all evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10888

You deserved it

30988

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By stuck - United States

Today, I was working as a service writer in an auto service shop. A really cute girl came in to buy a headlight, I offered to install the bulb for her. My hand got stuck behind the headlight, she had to ask one of our mechanics to come remove the air box from her car to get my hand out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28788

You deserved it

10457

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Top comments

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7491085 - Friday 14 July 2017 8:25

Master procrastinater. Teaching people the ancient art of procrastinate. It's a job, I believe.

COMMENTS

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7491085 - Friday 14 July 2017 8:25

Master procrastinater. Teaching people the ancient art of procrastinate. It's a job, I believe.