- FML

By FML Approved - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

I agree, your life sucks

1844

You deserved it

249

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Rock, hard place

Sick burn

Bit on the side

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57179

You deserved it

15453

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By carpetoops - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21796

You deserved it

35464

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By OmniVore - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a great vegan guy in my class. We went to a vegi-restaurant, I dutifully ate all the meatless dishes, but he seemed pissed about something, and other diners kept giving me angry looks. After we left, I realised I'd worn my leather jacket to the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14280

You deserved it

42651

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By shygurl434 - United States

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24108

You deserved it

3618

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By Unloving - United States

Today, a man proposed to me in classic style on one knee. Unfortunately, I have been telling this man for the last two months that I don't even want to date him. He thinks I'm playing hard to get and is not giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35905

You deserved it

4998

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By LGFLIPSTER - Canada

Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44619

You deserved it

6533

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By Anonymous - United States

Squirt

Today, I had a UTI and the doctor said the medicine can sometimes make you leak a little. "Leak a little" apparently translates into peeing all over myself, my boyfriend, and his bed while we were sleeping. The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38301

You deserved it

2965

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By hannahg - United States - Romulus

Today, my dad yelled at me for being irresponsible while he watched me fold his laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40328

You deserved it

3790

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By hakuna_matata - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I told her that I'd never watched The Lion King. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21034

You deserved it

8892

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By xoxo - 1/4/2020 02:00 - United States

Miscommunication

Today, my boyfriend won't talk to me because I let a giggle slip during sex and he's convinced I was laughing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1703

You deserved it

361

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By Gemini gang

Today, my family surprised me for my birthday by showing up with a chocolate cake and my ex-boyfriend from back home. They all forgot I'm allergic to chocolate, that I broke up with him about a year ago, and that he’s been trying to win me back ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2006

You deserved it

Favorite

By McWhopper - United States - Brookline

Today, I found out that maggots can live inside of a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30509

You deserved it

4336

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By swimmonster81

Today, my mother told me how she managed to afford all of the expensive Christmas presents we got. She took out extra money when applying for my student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22710

You deserved it

1554

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By blind_loser - United States

Today, my best guy friend set me up on a blind date. Almost immediately after the guy and I sat down, he excused himself to make a call. A couple of feet away from our table, I heard him say, "Come on, Justin, this is the best you could do??" Over the phone. Justin is the guy who set us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50585

You deserved it

3298

Favorite

By blahmina - United States

Today, I had to walk home from school in the rain, because my mom "didn't have a car to pick me up in". But when I got home, the car had magically appeared. Just great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23797

You deserved it

2350

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By heightdifference - United States - Memphis

Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48938

You deserved it

5909

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By monsterinlaw - United States - Columbus

Today, I found out that even after three years, my boyfriend's mother replies, "Unfortunately" when asked if we are still together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44493

You deserved it

4125

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By embarrassed - United Kingdom

Question Time

Today, whilst at my boyfriend's family get together, his cousin got really drunk and decided to ask my boyfriend when he was planning on proposing to me, loud enough for everyone to hear. An awkward silence was followed by my boyfriend's mother, who clearly said "hopefully never." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39346

You deserved it

2784

Favorite

By JackNicholsonInChinatown

Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9459

You deserved it

860

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By j - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9584

You deserved it

56758

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By mynameislor - Canada

Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27161

You deserved it

7386

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I filled up my company car with my own debit card, instead of my fuel card. It was the last £40 I had for the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21878

You deserved it

6949

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By Anonymous - United States - Solon Springs

Today, a customer punched me in the face for repeating their order back to them because they thought I was making fun of their speech impediment. I have the same speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40317

You deserved it

2248

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By samantha - 23/6/2020 02:02

Humblebrag in disguise

Today, while buying drinks, the cashier immediately refused me and said, “Don’t even bother showing me your ID, you’re obviously 12." I’m 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1542

You deserved it

129

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By crazycatlady1890 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I finished a full marathon and just wanted to relax and get pampered by my husband afterwards. Instead, I spent the evening taking care of him and his back because he had a spasm. Don't worry, he feels much better now. Meanwhile, I can’t move my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1663

You deserved it

427

Favorite

By askprussia - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23088

You deserved it

1499

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10425

You deserved it

56707

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By aranya - Netherlands - Hengevelde

Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56487

You deserved it

3850

Favorite

By gimp. - United States

Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67192

You deserved it

5245

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By themcdave - United Kingdom - Cranfield

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25500

You deserved it

4519

Favorite

By living in the ugly treehouse - Australia

Today, while taking the bus home, a girl stared at me for a while before asking me if I'd ever heard of makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21453

You deserved it

1733

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Missoula

Today, I was on a plane flying home and fell asleep. I woke up to my own snoring and everyone on the plane looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12002

You deserved it

1848

Favorite

By violet - United States

Today, I was lying in bed minding my own business when my mom entered the room. I was proposed to a few weeks ago by my boyfriend, and my mom came in to tell me that my boyfriend's mom was on the phone. Turns out, he stole the engagement ring from her drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39970

You deserved it

3440

Favorite

By brutality - Canada

Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41837

You deserved it

4096

Favorite

By TGIkaty - United States

Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43587

You deserved it

3465

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By Spelit - United States

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24883

You deserved it

13528

Favorite

By lilyann - 24/12/2020 08:01 - United States - San Jose

Who knows?

Today, the entire back room of Walmart smelled like cat piss. No one else complained, as they all claimed they couldn’t smell a thing under their masks. I, on the other hand, have a headache and nausea from the overpowering scent despite my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks

690

You deserved it

Favorite

By lyinginbed - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13228

You deserved it

1159

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl. She drove while texting someone then stopped at a house and told me to wait in the car. She left her phone so I looked at the last text and it says "I'm here for the quicky". Our "date" was a decoy to throw her mom off so she could sleep with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73112

You deserved it

4960

Favorite

By MJB

Today, as a 17-year-old, after having gone to the doctor to about some unusual hair loss, it turns out I simply have crappy genetics, and should expect to be fully bald within a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6926

You deserved it

390

Favorite

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Top comments

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7491085 - Friday 14 July 2017 8:25

Master procrastinater. Teaching people the ancient art of procrastinate. It's a job, I believe.

COMMENTS

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7491085 - Friday 14 July 2017 8:25

Master procrastinater. Teaching people the ancient art of procrastinate. It's a job, I believe.