- FML

By FML Approved

I agree, your life sucks

1565

You deserved it

174

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There's no helping some people

Instadrama

Taking stock

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I threw a party. My drunk boyfriend decided to bring my 50-inch flatscreen TV downstairs from our bedroom. The TV didn't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14564

You deserved it

1577

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By mastermind

Today, I can add "Ferrari" to the long list of cars I’ve almost been hit by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1318

You deserved it

201

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By Karl

Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34637

You deserved it

5937

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By anonymous - United States - Tehachapi

Today, I saw a man on my bike that was stolen a few years ago. I asked him if I could have my bike back just wondering what he'd say. He calmly replied, "Hell no, I stole this fair and square." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61704

You deserved it

6504

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By stutterboy - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I was giving a presentation to my college class. I've had a natural stutter my whole life, so I stuttered through the whole thing. My professor tried to hold in her laughter for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49166

You deserved it

2743

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By Tai - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71008

You deserved it

9869

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By lextoast - Rwanda

Today, I went on a fabulous date with a really cute, smart, funny guy. He only mentioned his dad, so when I asked about his mom, I asked if they were divorced. She'd died of breast cancer so I felt awful. Then I asked if his dad had ever remarried. His stepmom had died of cancer too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31674

You deserved it

2664

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By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

I agree, your life sucks

66279

You deserved it

6157

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By Trollface - Canada

Today, while cuddling in bed, I tried to tell my girlfriend she was cute. It came out, "I wish you were cuter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6168

You deserved it

3569

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By Anonymous - United States - Fresno

Today, I had three things converge that should never be together: my period, hot doctor, and a colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37699

You deserved it

3002

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By fuckingdonuts - United States - Edmond

Say yes

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32922

You deserved it

5152

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By AlphaKappa

Today, my work is doing a legal investigation about whether they can avoid paying me maternity benefit. According to my sleazy boss, "You notified us too late." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3876

You deserved it

269

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By Not Suicidal - 2/7/2020 05:04

Down the rabbit hole of assumptions

Today, a lady talking about the Bible came to my house. She looked at me and said I wouldn't need to cut myself if I had God in my life. Mom heard and did a thorough investigation of my body for scars. I had to bathe my rabbit last night, and he scratched me. They were from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1547

You deserved it

132

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30087

You deserved it

2833

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By hoops - United States

Today, I clocked into work completely exhausted despite having gone to bed early. My roommates stayed up until 4am watching a movie, blasting music, and constantly giggling like madwomen. This is their "new and improved" schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25238

You deserved it

2838

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By wtf1234 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a picnic. After we finished eating he laid down, closed his eyes, and put his head in my lap. At the exact second that I bent down to kiss him, he jumped up to get the Frisbee. We both have bloody noses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32782

You deserved it

4373

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By ozzii

Crushed

Today, my friend pointed out that I’ve developed crushes on my last two bosses. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that before then, I had a secret crush on a professor back in college, too. Yet, I wonder why I’m single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1194

You deserved it

515

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By Anonymous

Today, my elderly coworker was telling me about a long-lost friend, so I helped her use the Internet to look the friend up. We found her. Specifically, her obituary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13199

You deserved it

1005

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By retard99 - Canada

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend on MSN. I screen-copied my desktop to show her the conversation I was having with my best friend. Minutes later she replied asking why I had a porn site opened on the other tab. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10293

You deserved it

53067

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By Anonymous - United States - Pearland

Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51868

You deserved it

8317

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By Iris - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today I bought a 50$ voucher card to refill my phone. After I purchased it, I threw the receipt in the dustbin. When I got home, I found out that the 14-digit pin code was on the receipt. I basically threw 57 bucks in the dustbin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7354

You deserved it

11578

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By Anonymous

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1569

You deserved it

222

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By Anonymous

Today, my insanely religious 60-year-old neighbor screamed at me when I left my home to go to work. I was wearing jeans and that’s apparently improper for a female adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4410

You deserved it

306

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By Anonymous - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36681

You deserved it

3867

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By teriyaki124 - United States

Today, I came out to my mom. I had an epic speech planned, and when I tried to tell her, it all fell apart and I started crying and just said, "I'm gay." After a few seconds silence, my mom sighs and says, "Duh." FML

I agree, your life sucks

65414

You deserved it

17820

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By sadcat - United States

Today, I took my cat to the vet. He said he felt a strange lump that could be serious. I got really upset and picked her up, crying. The vet then told me I had to put her down. Absolutely devastated by having to euthanize my cat, I passed out. He meant I had to put her back on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30952

You deserved it

14728

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By Shelbs - United States

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28305

You deserved it

3784

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By Anonymous - United States - Iowa City

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34567

You deserved it

4125

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By Maruska28

Today, we bought our first home after months of searching and years of saving. It's directly in the path of Hurricane Irma and may be destroyed before we even get the chance to move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4851

You deserved it

396

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By italy1986 - United States

Today, I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42532

You deserved it

58137

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By Beegee - United States - Denver

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I couldn't find my insurance card, and the cop was very nice. He said not to worry about it, that I "looked like someone who had insurance." I'm not sure how to take that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42461

You deserved it

7372

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was listening to a client's heartbeat with a stethoscope, when I noticed one of my hairs had fallen on her chest. I tried to brush it off, but it didn't move, so I went to pick it up with my fingers. That's when I found it it wasn't my hair, it was hers... and it was still attached. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27120

You deserved it

5956

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By Shadowfigure23 - United States

Today, I spent most of my morning comforting the guy I love because his fiancée dumped him for some other guy. He continuously told me I had no clue that kind of pain he was in. He dumped me three years ago for the girl that just left him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63395

You deserved it

9771

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2021 08:02

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

Today, the eye doctor told me I only had 90% vision on my left eye, and asked if I wanted treatment. Not being terribly bothered by it, I asked what the treatment would consist of. "We'll stick a large needle in your eye, and pump in some medicine." I quickly wished him a pleasant day and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

721

You deserved it

140

Favorite

By Ghostly - United States - Madison

Today, while filling out paperwork at the dermatologist, it asked what color I would use to describe my skin tone. When the nurse saw I chose fair, she mumbled "Ghost is more like it." I have a severe sun allergy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51489

You deserved it

4221

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By skunk head - 22/7/2020 05:01

Extreme makeover

Today, my idiot husband got drunk in the middle of the day and decided to dress our 7-year-old like Rufio from the movie Hook. I wouldn’t have even been mad if he’d done a decent job. Instead, he did a botched bleach and dye job in our boy’s hair that makes him look like a skunk on acid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1362

You deserved it

215

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By Jfly25

Today, while on my way to work, I had a tire blowout. I got the car towed and borrowed my mom’s so that I could still get to work. Her car seized and died on the expressway ramp. It’s not in any tow truck’s jurisdiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3980

You deserved it

283

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By justwantingtohelp - United States - Highland

Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57491

You deserved it

3407

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to take my boyfriend to Napa. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something big since last year my fiancée called off the wedding. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm "clearly not over" my ex. This makes two consecutive birthdays alone in romantic hotels I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44311

You deserved it

6059

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By dumped - United States - Atlanta

Today, I told my friend about a fight I had earlier with my girlfriend. He thought it'd be funny to use my phone while I was in the bathroom and text her "ure such a cunt". She wouldn't believe the truth, even when my friend confessed to her. She thought I paid him to take the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24382

You deserved it

2441

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Top comments

By DEADPOOL076 | 30

#7490029 - Thursday 13 July 2017 17:29

Well, he has my vote.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7489976 - Thursday 13 July 2017 16:46

I've never been very found of those things either, Thor. Paper shredders are the worst though!

COMMENTS

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7489976 - Thursday 13 July 2017 16:46

I've never been very found of those things either, Thor. Paper shredders are the worst though!

By DEADPOOL076 | 30

#7490029 - Thursday 13 July 2017 17:29

Well, he has my vote.