- FML

By FML Approved

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1154

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Mother of the year

Messed up

That took a dark turn…

By Amber - United States

Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37070

You deserved it

3246

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By BadFather - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14689

You deserved it

42821

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By neverbeenkissed - United States

Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54020

You deserved it

9034

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By Cogibbt - Canada

Today, my mom found out that paper is made from trees. She read it on a garbage truck. I then had to explain to her how it's made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1457

You deserved it

114

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By RaceCar - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday and my mom promised me she'd buy me a car. She came home with a toy lego car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25604

You deserved it

20963

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the subway head bobbing to my favorite track when the guy across from me gets up, punches me in the face and says, "Don't nod at my wife like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33874

You deserved it

3958

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By Ms. Heartless - United States

Today, I was riding the subway, reading a book, when a woman suddenly shoved a flyer over my book. Aghast by her rude gesture, I declined to take the paper. I looked over and noticed it was a flyer for a missing girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27510

You deserved it

13430

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I checked my Tumblr account to see if anyone had commented on the photos of my new tattoo. There were only 3 posts, and 2 of them were people linking it to "Awful Tattoo" blogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16935

You deserved it

6240

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By FD4

Today, my girlfriend's parents asked if I could move their car. I started the engine and began to accelerate, not noticing that the automatic transmission was on R. I drove right into a wall behind me, shattering the rear lights. Now I owe them $150 for repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1276

You deserved it

3086

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By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20937

You deserved it

1909

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By Anonymous - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Family Fortunes

Today, I met the family of the guy I’m seeing, and they are all amazing. I’m scared to tell him I have a schizophrenic mum and a raging alcoholic dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1664

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By furbys69 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get frisky when the Furby Party Rocker all the way across the room started going off on its own and completely killed the mood. I took the batteries out of the little bastard immediately, but the mood was lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3667

You deserved it

766

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By HousekeeperNoMore - United States

Today, after being a stay-at-home mom and picking up after my kids for the past 15 years, I got a job rejection letter saying I wasn't qualified. It was a housekeeping position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42524

You deserved it

4518

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By stuckonrepeat - United Kingdom

Today, I received the results of the exams that I re-took in order to improve my grades. I got exactly the same grades as before in all four exams. Point for point identical. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17350

You deserved it

19497

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By Mulee - Belgium

Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket. When the conductor was in sight, I saw he was a young man and I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28305

You deserved it

167646

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend forgot to tell me about the all-night bender he went out on, and what he got up to with my best friend. But its okay; the Facebook pictures say it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38554

You deserved it

3652

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By asdfasdf - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44055

You deserved it

5914

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I shaved my legs and pits for the first time this summer. It took 3 disposable razors and an hour to get the job done. I've clearly been single for far too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16828

You deserved it

47143

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By samantha - United States

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

I agree, your life sucks

70266

You deserved it

3794

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19158

You deserved it

1181

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By I was just following orders!

Today, I visited my girlfriend in the preschool she's interning at. She asked me to continue reading The Little Mermaid to her class, handing me the book. After the story, the whole class started to cry. She never told me to sugarcoat the ending and lie, Disney-style. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3195

You deserved it

568

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By eebie jeebies - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12419

You deserved it

3133

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 21:30

Turbulence

Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

722

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By Awkward - United States - Redmond

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41877

You deserved it

14614

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By Anonymous - United States - Ventura

Today, after a badly misjudged hand signal, I accidentally hit my boss in the face instead of high-fiving her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20154

You deserved it

3134

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By Anonymous1221

Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12063

You deserved it

1435

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By moreliketurdmart - United States - Lynnwood

Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47044

You deserved it

5315

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By Handblocked

Today, I got a new vibrator, raced all the way home, tore my pants off, took it out of the box, and then my grandmother walked in my front door. Apparently she's spending the night so she can make it to a doctor appointment in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3264

You deserved it

582

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By Jessica - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34873

You deserved it

47377

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By missunlucky - Czech Republic

Today, I was at a club with my friends and my friend got really drunk. Later on he came up to me and said he really needed to pee but he was too drunk to work the zipper, and asked if I could help. When I finally unzipped him, he was so desperate to go he pissed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27901

You deserved it

9894

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By DogDoingScience - Czech Republic

Today, I ran into my father. He was drunk and singing in the street. At 1:25pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30178

You deserved it

2686

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By Georgia

Today, my boyfriend turned down a shower with me because he didn't want to get his hair wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40483

You deserved it

6029

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2021 06:01

Thanks dad

Today, my fiancé told me that my dad apologized to him that I hadn’t inherited my mother’s chest size. FML

I agree, your life sucks

977

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my parents discussing whether or not they could trust me being alone in the house for 2 days. They then came to the decision that I'm too unpopular and unattractive to ever throw a wild party or get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37585

You deserved it

3252

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26669

You deserved it

13606

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By Johnny - United States - Memphis

Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy for me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift them when I saw the other man, who was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informed me he was buying them for his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31355

You deserved it

8679

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By Shock - United States - Littleton

Today, while working for a hospital security company, I had to assist in restraining a male patient while the nurses put a catheter in him. All I will say is that it looked like a worm trying to swallow a straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18080

You deserved it

1611

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By nitroman64 - United States

Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15847

You deserved it

28210

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By ko

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd come over and help me move a heavy dresser so I could paint the wall behind it. After an hour of waiting for him, I decided to move it myself. He finally arrived, not ten minutes after I broke my toe when I accidentally dropped the dresser on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30025

You deserved it

9650

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By Anonymous

Today, I was at a fancy family dinner. The dish I'd made was served, and as we ate, I told my aunt that I was a total failure as a cook, explaining everything wrong about my dish, in painful detail. Apparently we'd both made the same dish. That one wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

882

You deserved it

1517

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Top comments

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7488818 - Thursday 13 July 2017 1:48

"I'm bilingual. Meow!"

By Cali | 54

#7489581 - Thursday 13 July 2017 11:42

I would hire the heck out of that good boi! Dogs are so precious.

COMMENTS

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7488818 - Thursday 13 July 2017 1:48

"I'm bilingual. Meow!"

By Cali | 54

#7489581 - Thursday 13 July 2017 11:42

I would hire the heck out of that good boi! Dogs are so precious.