20 Reasons Why Mojitos Are The Perfect Solution To A Shitty Day
Is there a more perfect cocktail than the mojito? The magical melange of rum, mint, soda, lime, and sugar, the perfect balance of sweet and sour, and the premier solution to all of life's problems.
In honor of National Mojito Day, here are a handful of reasons why you should ditch the Valium and fix yourself a moijto instead.
1. Close your eyes and breathe in the breezy freshness of the mojito. Just one sip transports you to a tropical island where all your problems melt away. Just hang loose, brah.
2. They get you rum-drunk, aka dance-like-you've-got-no-fucks-to-give-drunk, and that is exactly what you need right now.
3. Clear liquors like light rum give you less intense hangovers so tomorrow won't be shitty too.
4. Mint is good for digestion so you'll have a digestive aid for when you're eating your feelings.
5. Mint is also good for nausea and headaches so it’s like you’re fighting your hangover before you get it.
6. There are literally thousands of variations of mojitos: pinapple, coconut, raspberry, strawberry, watermelon, kumquat, you name it. Go nuts, this is your day, do it how you want it.
7. Let's be real, "mojito" is fun word. Yell it at the top of your lungs. Yelling fun words is good for overcoming shit.
8. In fact, its name sounds like it could come from the word "mojo" which is African for witchcraft, so it's basically a magic potion.
9. It's a light cocktail but it'll get the job done.
10. It's a derivitave of a remedial cocktail invented by Sir Francis Drake to cure scurvy, so like, it's good for your health? Sure, let's go with that.
11. It was supposedly Ernest Hemingway's favorite drink, and he was a pretty badass dude with a sensitive touch, so maybe it'll help you become a badass dude with a sensitive touch.
12. It sounds exotic, but its not spicy or painful. You know, like Sriracha.
13. Americans used to escape to Cuba during Prohibition to drink mojitos. There are few things I can imagine that are shittier than Prohibition so the mojito has already proven its worth.
14. You can drink them at any time of the day. I mean, you can drink anything at any time of the day, but why not make it a mojito?
15. Bartenders hate making mojitos because of "the mojito effect" (when someone overhears you order a mojito at the bar and decides they want one too, turning into an endless chain of mojitos) so when you order one, you're making the bartender's day shitty too. Misery loves company!
16. It's a relatively low-calorie cocktail so you don't have to feel guilty when you drink two...or ten of them.
17. Do it yourself! When you squish mint, you use your muscles, when you use your muscles, your body releases endorphins, and as Elle Woods taught us, endorphins make you happy.
18. Forget the stress ball, squeeze a lime instead.
That's, uh, an orange lime...
19. It's a truly classic drink that you can find in any corner of the world so you know they'll always be there for you no matter where you are.
20. More bang for your buck. Mojitos are almost always included in Happy Hour specials so save your money and start early!